The Girl He Used to Know - a Secret Santa fic for shafeferi!
Title: The Girl He Used to Know
Pairing: Addison/Derek
Rating: R, for language
Word Count: 4,336
Summary: Derek comes to L.A. to confront Addison about not informing him about Amelia’s drug addiction, but nothing is ever as it seems. Takes place after PP 5.8, with slight spoilers for PP 5.9.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use.
Author’s Note: Written for shafeferi for shonda_land’s Secret Santa. This went a different way than I thought it was going to go, but I hope you like it anyway! ♥
“Well, thanks for that phone call, Addison, telling me my sister is in rehab again. Nice of you to inform her actual family.”
Addison’s eyes widened as she whipped around from where she was pouring a cup of coffee - decaf, just in case - into a mug, liquid splashing over the side and on to her hand.
She didn’t notice the sting from the burn. Instead, she just breathed, “Derek.”
He was standing across the lunchroom from her, glaring at her with those penetrating blue eyes. His look made her want to unconsciously back up, but there was nowhere for her to move.
Instead, she steeled her resolve and straightened her shoulders.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, keeping her voice even.
He arched his brows as he looked at her.
“You’re really asking me that question?”
Addison didn’t answer. Derek continued on.
“She’s my sister, Addison.”
“She’s my friend.”
“You should have called me.”
“I was doing what was best for Amelia.”
“Were you? Or were you doing what was best for you?”
Addison’s eyes narrowed. “That’s unfair, Derek,” she said, raising her finger to point at him. “And you know it. When was the last time you even talked to Amelia? Even bothered to care how she was doing? I have been here for her for two years. I have been her friend. I know more about her than you could even possibly know.”
“And so that obviously gives you the right to keep something like this from people who might want to know?” His voice was hard and cold, mocking her. She knew that tone all too well. It made her feel almost nauseous.
“She didn’t want you to know,” she said, her words biting, her tone harsh. Two could play that game.
“So what?” Derek answered right back. “If I remember correctly, she didn’t want anyone to know the first time either, and look how that turned out.”
“I did what I thought was right,” Addison said.
“Well, what you did was wrong!”
Addison took a step forward and opened her mouth to speak, but something happened. Her vision dimmed, narrowing to a spot of light. She swayed. She heard a crashing noise as the mug of coffee fell from her hand. And everything went black.
Derek sprang forward immediately, dropping to his knees.
“Addie?”
Her skin was clammy to his touch. How had he not noticed how pale she was? Had she been that pale since he’d arrived? He couldn’t remember.
He turned around.
“Help!”
•••••
She blinked slowly in the harsh light. Everything hurt. Her head was pounding. Her body was aching.
She felt pressure on her hand.
She struggled to open her eyes, wincing at the pain.
“You can do it. Open your eyes, Addie.”
It was Derek. He was sitting beside her. He was the one holding her hand.
She looked around, tried to focus. She was in the hospital. She wrinkled her brow, tried to remember. She knew she and Derek had been fighting. She turned back to meet his eyes. He was actually smiling softly at her.
“You fainted,” he said gently. “But you’re okay. You’re going to be fine. You have a pretty big bump on your head, though. You’ll probably have a good headache for awhile.”
Addison nodded, raising her hand slowly to touch the back of her head. She could feel the bandages, but she could also feel the lump under them.
Derek continued. “Jake said you just had some fluid in your abdomen. From the IVF treatments.”
He said it so matter-of-factly. As though he had known all along. As though he had always known Jake and what she’d been doing.
“Oh,” she whispered. She dropped her hand and felt her face flush. Somehow, the thought of Derek knowing … She lowered her eyes.
He squeezed her hand.
“You want to have a baby,” he said softly. It wasn’t a question. “That’s a good thing, Addison. You’ll be a wonderful mother.”
She wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t even sure if she had wanted anyone to know. She didn’t even live in Seattle - heck, she barely even visited - but she could imagine the rumor mill circulating wildly anyway.
“I’m not going to be a mother,” she said.
He squeezed her hand again. “Jake said it’s unusual. What happened to you,” Derek said. “You can try again, Addie.”
She shrugged. She didn’t want to talk about this with Derek.
“Is Sam here?” she asked instead.
Derek nodded. “I’ll get him for you.”
Addison knew Derek knew about Sam. Amelia talked to Mark a lot. She knew Amelia told Mark. Mark told Derek. That’s how things always went.
She closed her eyes as Derek dropped her hand and stood up. He found Sam and Jake huddled together a little ways outside her room, talking.
“Derek,” Sam nodded when he walked up.
“Sam,” Derek said, then pulled his old friend into a hug.
“She wants to see you,” he told Sam once they finished exchanging pleasantries.
For a second, Derek swore he saw an odd expression cross Sam’s face, one he couldn’t quite place. But then it was gone and Sam’s face was neutral.
“She doesn’t need me,” he said.
Derek frowned slightly. “She asked for you,” he said.
“She’s fine,” Sam said.
“Sam ...” Derek started, but the other man interrupted.
“I can’t anyway,” he said. “I’ve got a patient coming in. I’ve got to get back.”
“Okay,” Derek said, his frown deepening a bit. “But I’m sure your patient won’t mind if you’re a few minutes late so you can check in on your girlfriend who collapsed a little while ago.”
Sam didn’t seem phased. “I’d really rather not,” he said. “Addison will be fine without me.”
And before anyone could say another word, Sam was off, trekking down the hall and out toward the exit.
Derek turned to Jake, who had been taking all this in.
“That was weird, right?” Derek said.
Jake shrugged and smiled sadly. “Not for them,” he said.
Derek frowned.
“Why is she with him?” he asked, not really expecting an answer. He would be the first to admit that the idea of Addison and Sam together had been one that had rubbed him the wrong way when Mark told him. It seemed like something she would do - sleep with her best friend’s husband - and it had sort of annoyed him, although he really hadn’t been sure why.
But then he had decided it didn’t matter and Addison could do what she wanted, but now … being here, seeing her, seeing him, something didn’t feel right. And he felt something ache inside him.
Jake was looking pensive. He turned around and stared in the direction of Addison’s hospital room, then looked back at Derek.
“I think it’s because she thinks she can’t do any better,” he said, and Derek felt the ache inside him grow larger.
•••••
“Addie?” Derek said softly a few minutes later. He hadn’t quite known what he had been intending to do with himself - go see Amelia, go home, go for a walk - but Jake had mentioned that Addison could be discharged but that he didn’t want her driving, and suddenly Derek couldn’t bear the thought of her waiting for Sam to come back.
Not to mention the feeling that he didn’t think Sam was going to come back. At least not today.
So here he was. He waited until she opened her eyes and blinked wearily at him.
“Where’s Sam?” she murmured.
Derek stuffed his hands in his pockets. “He had a patient.” It wasn’t really a lie, he told himself.
“Oh.”
He could see the disappointment flicker across her eyes, but then it was gone.
“Okay,” she said softly and closed her eyes again.
“Addie?”
He waited until she opened her eyes.
“Jake says I can take you home.”
She frowned. “You want to take me home?” she said questioningly.
He smiled at her. “I don’t have to,” he grinned, “if you’d like to stay here …”
She shook her head. “No. No, I’d like to leave. I just …” She trailed off.
He thought he knew what she was going to say - she had thought Sam would take her home, not her ex-husband who had randomly shown up a few hours earlier.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you before,” Derek said. He wanted to take her mind off Sam, and this morning’s encounter had been weighing on him. “I shouldn’t have blamed you.”
Her eyes narrowed slightly at that.
“It’s okay,” she said cautiously, like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. “I should have told you.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeated again.
“Yeah,” she said. “Me, too.”
He wasn’t exactly sure what she was agreeing with - that she was sorry for not telling him about Amelia or that he should be sorry for yelling at her - but Derek didn’t press it.
Neither of them said very much after that, except for necessary dialogue like getting exact directions to her house or passing her a pen so she could sign the discharge papers, until Derek turned on to her street. He knew she had been living with Sam, and he also knew her actual house was next door to his.
“I take it you want to go to Sam’s house, right?” he said. Addison was staring out the window. She was wearing scrubs, since it was all she’d had except for her dress she’d been wearing when she fainted and that had gotten coffee all over it, and her hair was mussy and partly covered by a white bandage.
She turned to face Derek. Her eyes were void of emotion, but Derek thought she looked lost. And sad. He didn’t blame her.
“No,” she said.
“No? You don’t want to go to Sam’s house? You’re living with him, though, right?”
“No,” she said. “I mean, yes. Yes, we’re living together. Sort of. But I … I just want to go home. To my home.” She paused for a second. “Please?”
Her last word seemed to echo through the car.
“Of course,” he said. “Whatever you want, Addie.”
She nodded, “Thank you,” and turned back to the window.
He pulled into the driveway a few moments later. She got out of the car on her own, but he made sure to help her inside and up the stairs.
“Jake says you need to rest, so get in bed and I’ll get you some food, and then you can sleep.”
She glanced at him. He had his arm around her waist. He didn’t trust that she wasn’t going to topple over if he let her climb the stairs on her own.
“You don’t have to take care of me.”
“Someone needs to take care of you.”
She scowled. “I can take care of myself.”
He rolled his eyes at her, but was careful to smile to show her he was teasing her. “No one said you couldn’t, Addison.”
“You just did.”
“No. I was trying to be nice.”
She stopped moving, so suddenly that he bumped into her. She raised her finger at him, just like she had done earlier that morning.
“Why? Why are you being nice to me?” she said. Her eyes were narrowed.
“What?” Derek shrugged. “Can’t a guy take care of his ex-wife without getting the third degree every now and then?”
That earned him a smile.
“No,” she said.
“You know, I am a nice guy.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Maybe I should have left you at the hospital.”
“Maybe you should have.”
“But at least I know you’re feeling better.”
She side-eyed him at that. “Why?”
“Because you’re letting me joke with you. Normally when you’re sick, you’re the biggest bitch in the world.”
Addison faked an expression of mock outrage. At least Derek thought it was faked.
“I am not!” she huffed.
“Really?” he said, steering her toward what he guessed to be her bedroom. “Then who was the girl who whined and bitched for three days because her chicken noodle soup did not taste exactly like her nanny made it?”
Addison shrugged. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I’m sure you don’t.”
“Go make me chicken noodle soup,” she said a few minutes later, when he had gotten her settled into bed and had pulled the covers up over her.
“So you can tell me how horrible it tastes?” he teased her.
“So I can tell if your cooking’s improved.”
“You’re the one who can’t cook.”
Addison grinned. “That doesn’t mean I don’t know what it tastes like!”
He laughed, but he made her chicken noodle soup. He had a feeling she wasn’t as okay as she was trying to make him think she was. But then, that had always been a very Addison trait. Keep it all inside and pretend everything is fine, until the moment when there is no more pretending.
He wanted to talk to her - really talk to her - but he had his life and she had hers and even though they were friends, he wasn’t sure how it all still fit. Especially this. He knew Meredith would freak out if she knew where he was, even though he and Meredith might as well be separated for as well as their marriage was going. But really, Derek knew, he couldn’t draw Addison into his problems with Meredith. That wouldn’t be fair.
Addison was half asleep by the time he brought the soup up to her.
“Addie.” He nudged her arm gently as he set the tray on her lap. She opened her eyes and struggled to move herself into a better position.
She was quiet while she ate, the teasing and joking from earlier gone. He could tell she was hurting, and he handed her some aspirin.
“Jake said not to take anything stronger,” he told her.
She nodded and took the pills. He waited till she was finished and helped her get comfortable once again.
“Are you going home?” she asked him as he tucked the covers in around her.
He couldn’t help himself. He reached up to brush a fiery tendril away from her face.
“There’s something I need to do. But then I’ll come back to check on you.”
“You don’t have to,” she said.
“I want to,” he told her.
She nodded and closed her eyes. A few minutes later she was asleep.
•••••
The visit with Amelia was awkward and painful, as he expected it to be. He and Amelia had a lot of issues to work out and they weren’t going to do it all now. They both knew that.
But he did his best not to say anything to her he would regret nor blame her for things she couldn’t control. To her credit, she did the same with him.
“We should just stay on neutral topics,” Derek said. They’d discussed a little of their careers, he’d given her an update on all the nephews and nieces, carefully avoiding any topic of their mother or her feelings on the matter of her youngest daughter. He managed to mostly avoid mention of Meredith as well.
“Addison,” Amelia said. Derek raised a brow.
“Addison is a neutral topic?” Derek said.
Amelia shrugged. “I assume you know about her and Sam.”
“I saw her and Sam,” Derek answered. “Or rather, I saw him avoid her.”
Amelia pursed her lips. “That happens a lot. Especially when the topic of babies comes up.”
Derek frowned. “Babies? But aren’t they trying to have one?”
Amelia snorted. “Addison is trying to have one.”
She saw Derek’s confused expression. “He told her he doesn’t ever want more kids,” she clarified.
Derek still looked confused. “But they’re together?”
Amelia nodded. “Yup.”
“But why?”
Amelia shrugged. “She’s Addison. She doesn’t want to be alone. She’ll take whoever she thinks she can get.”
•••••
Amelia’s words echoed in his head for a long time after Derek left her. He realized now why Addison wanted to go home after the hospital and not to Sam’s, why she looked so lost. The baby that didn’t happen this time around was her pain to bear, not anyone else’s.
That ache in his chest grew slightly larger again.
He thought she’d still be sleeping when he got back, so he was quiet as he let himself in the front door, but then he paused. There were voices coming from the back deck. Angry voices.
They were fighting - Derek couldn’t tell about what - but neither Addison nor Sam noticed him.
“Just drop it, Addison!” he heard Sam shout.
“No!” She stomped her foot. She was still dressed in the scrubs she had been dressed in earlier. Derek wondered why she was even out of bed. “You have no right!”
“I have plenty of right!” he yelled back.
“It’s my life!” she screamed at him. “And it’s my right!”
She whirled around then, presumably to head back inside. But she had barely taken a step, when Sam grabbed her arm. Derek didn’t even have time to react as Sam’s fingers tightened on her arm and he yanked her backward, to keep her from leaving. Addison hadn’t been expecting it, and the tug on her arm caused her to stumble backward. She lost her balance and fell, crying out as her head hit the railings of the deck. Sam’s hand never left her arm.
Derek didn’t stop to think. His feet glided over the deck, and before Sam could fully turn to face him, his fist connected with his nose, sending Sam sprawling ungracefully to the ground.
Blood spurted out and Sam sat up, practically spitting venom.
“What the fuck, Derek?”
But Derek was more angry than Sam and he towered over the other man, breathing heavily and staring daggers into the eyes of the guy he once considered one of his best friends.
“If you ever lay a hand on her again,” Derek hissed. “I will kill you.”
Sam sprang to his feet. “I didn’t do anything!”
“I saw you grab her!”
“She moved!”
“You grabbed her!”
Sam came flying at him now, fist swinging. Derek was ready, ducking Sam’s fist and punching back, this time landing one in the gut. Sam doubled over, but not for long. Soon enough he was rushing Derek, lunging at him, knocking him to the ground.
In the distance, Derek heard Addison scream, but he was too busy trying to fend off the blows.
He saw her, though, in the corner of his eye as she ran to them. And he saw it before it happened.
“Addie!” He tried to warn her, but he wasn’t fast enough.
Addison dove for Sam’s arm, to try and keep him from punching Derek again, but Sam was too enraged and he shrugged her off, harder than he should have. She went flying, and there was a crash as she hit the railing of the deck, hard, and slumped to the ground.
That stopped Sam. Sam stared at Addison, but Derek was already to his feet, rushing toward her. Derek reached a hand out as he neared her, touched her temple as he knelt down beside her. Addison moaned beneath his touch and he breathed a small sigh of relief that at least she was conscious.
He turned to Sam. His voice was icy.
“Get out of here.”
“I didn’t …”
“Get. Out. Of. Here.”
Sam didn’t try again. He wipe his hand across the blood still pouring from his nose and looked solemnly at Addison, who was still crumpled into a ball on the ground.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Don’t you ever come near her again,” Derek hissed, and then he turned his attention back to Addison, quickly running his fingers over her head, her back, her shoulders, her arms, just to make sure she wasn’t seriously injured.
Addison looked dazed, and he could tell from her expression that she was in pain and about two minutes away from a breakdown. But he didn’t want her to have it out here.
Carefully, he hooked an arm around her lower back and another under her legs and lifted her up. She moaned again as he jostled her a little to get her into position, and he felt a pang of guilt.
“I know it hurts,” he said softly. “You’re going to be okay.”
He laid her on the couch and took another moment to re-assess her injuries. He could feel a new lump growing on the back of her head, and he quickly checked her over for signs of a concussion. She seemed fine in that respect - her pupils weren’t dilated, she wasn’t confused, she said she wasn’t dizzy and she hadn’t lost consciousness.
He found some ice packs in the fridge, wrapped them in some towels and turned her on to her side so he could rest them against her head.
She whimpered at the contact, and the first trace of a tear made its way down her cheek.
She was lying on her side, and the arm Sam had first grabbed was resting across her stomach. He lifted her arm and carefully pushed up the short sleeve of her scrub top.
Her eyes widened as she realized what Derek was checking for, and Derek clenched his teeth when he could see the red marks on her flesh.
“Has he hurt you before?” Derek asked quietly.
Addison didn’t answer.
“Addison, has he hurt you before?” Derek asked her again.
“Addison, answer me,” he said a third time when she still didn’t answer.
She shook her head. “No,” she whispered. “Not intentionally.”
He wanted to ask her what she meant, but that one comment had been enough to push her over the edge. As Derek watched, her eyes filled with liquid, which spilled over, dripping down her cheeks. Within seconds, she was sobbing, and there was nothing he could do, but pull her into his arms.
She slid off the couch on to his lap, her hands twisting into his shirt, her head buried against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, secure enough to hold her in place against him but not so tight as to hurt her. His fingers traced patterns on her back and carefully stroked her hair.
He leaned his cheek gently on top of her head, his lips by her ear.
“It’s okay, Addie. I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” he repeated over and over. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”
She cried for almost an hour. Once she finally calmed down, she loosened her grip on his shirt and wrapped her arms around his waist instead. She turned her head to the side so her cheek was against his chest.
“What did you mean before, Addison?” Derek gently asked her, once he felt enough time had passed that she might answer him. “That Sam didn’t hurt you intentionally?”
She was quiet for so long, he thought she wasn’t going to answer, but then she spoke. “He didn’t mean to.”
“He didn’t mean to do what?”
She paused. “Shake me.” She said it so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.
His hand instinctively pressed a bit harder into her, almost as though to protect her.
“He shook you?”
“No,” she said quickly. “I mean, yes. But not like that. It was my fault.”
Derek frowned. “It was your fault he shook you?”
“He was worried about me,” she said. “He just wanted me to talk to him.”
“Addison,” Derek started.
“After my mother died,” she said. “He just wanted me to talk to him.”
“So he shook you?” If Addison hadn’t been in his lap, Derek had a feeling he would already be next door, punching Sam again.
“It wasn’t like that,” she said.
Derek sighed. “Addison, what happened to you?”
He felt her tense in his arms. “What?” she said.
He sighed. “You’re not this girl, Addie, who makes excuses for someone. What happened to the girl who once dumped her drink on a guy who accidentally knocked her off a bar stool?”
Addison frowned. “Mark deserved that,” she said.
“Addie,” Derek said, his voice serious.
She sighed. “I’m not that girl anymore, Derek. I don’t know how to be. She got lost.”
She turned her head then, titled it upward. They were mere centimeters apart, blue eyes staring into blue eyes. He could see everything in those eyes; he always could. And for a second, she wasn’t the woman who was just thrown across a deck by her boyfriend, but she was that twenty-two year-old who told him he was the first boy she ever loved.
He bent his head and kissed her.
“Derek.” She pulled back. “What are you doing?”
“Kissing you.”
She shook her head. “Don’t.”
“Why?”
“Because if you do that, I’ll kiss you back. And if I kiss you back, I won’t stop with just kissing. And if I don’t stop with kissing, we might regret this in the morning.”
“You don’t know that,” he said.
“It will change everything,” she said.
“Yes. It will,” he said. “That’s what I’m hoping for.”
He leaned forward and kissed her again.
She kissed him back.
Pairing: Addison/Derek
Rating: R, for language
Word Count: 4,336
Summary: Derek comes to L.A. to confront Addison about not informing him about Amelia’s drug addiction, but nothing is ever as it seems. Takes place after PP 5.8, with slight spoilers for PP 5.9.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use.
Author’s Note: Written for shafeferi for shonda_land’s Secret Santa. This went a different way than I thought it was going to go, but I hope you like it anyway! ♥
“Well, thanks for that phone call, Addison, telling me my sister is in rehab again. Nice of you to inform her actual family.”
Addison’s eyes widened as she whipped around from where she was pouring a cup of coffee - decaf, just in case - into a mug, liquid splashing over the side and on to her hand.
She didn’t notice the sting from the burn. Instead, she just breathed, “Derek.”
He was standing across the lunchroom from her, glaring at her with those penetrating blue eyes. His look made her want to unconsciously back up, but there was nowhere for her to move.
Instead, she steeled her resolve and straightened her shoulders.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, keeping her voice even.
He arched his brows as he looked at her.
“You’re really asking me that question?”
Addison didn’t answer. Derek continued on.
“She’s my sister, Addison.”
“She’s my friend.”
“You should have called me.”
“I was doing what was best for Amelia.”
“Were you? Or were you doing what was best for you?”
Addison’s eyes narrowed. “That’s unfair, Derek,” she said, raising her finger to point at him. “And you know it. When was the last time you even talked to Amelia? Even bothered to care how she was doing? I have been here for her for two years. I have been her friend. I know more about her than you could even possibly know.”
“And so that obviously gives you the right to keep something like this from people who might want to know?” His voice was hard and cold, mocking her. She knew that tone all too well. It made her feel almost nauseous.
“She didn’t want you to know,” she said, her words biting, her tone harsh. Two could play that game.
“So what?” Derek answered right back. “If I remember correctly, she didn’t want anyone to know the first time either, and look how that turned out.”
“I did what I thought was right,” Addison said.
“Well, what you did was wrong!”
Addison took a step forward and opened her mouth to speak, but something happened. Her vision dimmed, narrowing to a spot of light. She swayed. She heard a crashing noise as the mug of coffee fell from her hand. And everything went black.
Derek sprang forward immediately, dropping to his knees.
“Addie?”
Her skin was clammy to his touch. How had he not noticed how pale she was? Had she been that pale since he’d arrived? He couldn’t remember.
He turned around.
“Help!”
•••••
She blinked slowly in the harsh light. Everything hurt. Her head was pounding. Her body was aching.
She felt pressure on her hand.
She struggled to open her eyes, wincing at the pain.
“You can do it. Open your eyes, Addie.”
It was Derek. He was sitting beside her. He was the one holding her hand.
She looked around, tried to focus. She was in the hospital. She wrinkled her brow, tried to remember. She knew she and Derek had been fighting. She turned back to meet his eyes. He was actually smiling softly at her.
“You fainted,” he said gently. “But you’re okay. You’re going to be fine. You have a pretty big bump on your head, though. You’ll probably have a good headache for awhile.”
Addison nodded, raising her hand slowly to touch the back of her head. She could feel the bandages, but she could also feel the lump under them.
Derek continued. “Jake said you just had some fluid in your abdomen. From the IVF treatments.”
He said it so matter-of-factly. As though he had known all along. As though he had always known Jake and what she’d been doing.
“Oh,” she whispered. She dropped her hand and felt her face flush. Somehow, the thought of Derek knowing … She lowered her eyes.
He squeezed her hand.
“You want to have a baby,” he said softly. It wasn’t a question. “That’s a good thing, Addison. You’ll be a wonderful mother.”
She wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t even sure if she had wanted anyone to know. She didn’t even live in Seattle - heck, she barely even visited - but she could imagine the rumor mill circulating wildly anyway.
“I’m not going to be a mother,” she said.
He squeezed her hand again. “Jake said it’s unusual. What happened to you,” Derek said. “You can try again, Addie.”
She shrugged. She didn’t want to talk about this with Derek.
“Is Sam here?” she asked instead.
Derek nodded. “I’ll get him for you.”
Addison knew Derek knew about Sam. Amelia talked to Mark a lot. She knew Amelia told Mark. Mark told Derek. That’s how things always went.
She closed her eyes as Derek dropped her hand and stood up. He found Sam and Jake huddled together a little ways outside her room, talking.
“Derek,” Sam nodded when he walked up.
“Sam,” Derek said, then pulled his old friend into a hug.
“She wants to see you,” he told Sam once they finished exchanging pleasantries.
For a second, Derek swore he saw an odd expression cross Sam’s face, one he couldn’t quite place. But then it was gone and Sam’s face was neutral.
“She doesn’t need me,” he said.
Derek frowned slightly. “She asked for you,” he said.
“She’s fine,” Sam said.
“Sam ...” Derek started, but the other man interrupted.
“I can’t anyway,” he said. “I’ve got a patient coming in. I’ve got to get back.”
“Okay,” Derek said, his frown deepening a bit. “But I’m sure your patient won’t mind if you’re a few minutes late so you can check in on your girlfriend who collapsed a little while ago.”
Sam didn’t seem phased. “I’d really rather not,” he said. “Addison will be fine without me.”
And before anyone could say another word, Sam was off, trekking down the hall and out toward the exit.
Derek turned to Jake, who had been taking all this in.
“That was weird, right?” Derek said.
Jake shrugged and smiled sadly. “Not for them,” he said.
Derek frowned.
“Why is she with him?” he asked, not really expecting an answer. He would be the first to admit that the idea of Addison and Sam together had been one that had rubbed him the wrong way when Mark told him. It seemed like something she would do - sleep with her best friend’s husband - and it had sort of annoyed him, although he really hadn’t been sure why.
But then he had decided it didn’t matter and Addison could do what she wanted, but now … being here, seeing her, seeing him, something didn’t feel right. And he felt something ache inside him.
Jake was looking pensive. He turned around and stared in the direction of Addison’s hospital room, then looked back at Derek.
“I think it’s because she thinks she can’t do any better,” he said, and Derek felt the ache inside him grow larger.
•••••
“Addie?” Derek said softly a few minutes later. He hadn’t quite known what he had been intending to do with himself - go see Amelia, go home, go for a walk - but Jake had mentioned that Addison could be discharged but that he didn’t want her driving, and suddenly Derek couldn’t bear the thought of her waiting for Sam to come back.
Not to mention the feeling that he didn’t think Sam was going to come back. At least not today.
So here he was. He waited until she opened her eyes and blinked wearily at him.
“Where’s Sam?” she murmured.
Derek stuffed his hands in his pockets. “He had a patient.” It wasn’t really a lie, he told himself.
“Oh.”
He could see the disappointment flicker across her eyes, but then it was gone.
“Okay,” she said softly and closed her eyes again.
“Addie?”
He waited until she opened her eyes.
“Jake says I can take you home.”
She frowned. “You want to take me home?” she said questioningly.
He smiled at her. “I don’t have to,” he grinned, “if you’d like to stay here …”
She shook her head. “No. No, I’d like to leave. I just …” She trailed off.
He thought he knew what she was going to say - she had thought Sam would take her home, not her ex-husband who had randomly shown up a few hours earlier.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you before,” Derek said. He wanted to take her mind off Sam, and this morning’s encounter had been weighing on him. “I shouldn’t have blamed you.”
Her eyes narrowed slightly at that.
“It’s okay,” she said cautiously, like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. “I should have told you.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeated again.
“Yeah,” she said. “Me, too.”
He wasn’t exactly sure what she was agreeing with - that she was sorry for not telling him about Amelia or that he should be sorry for yelling at her - but Derek didn’t press it.
Neither of them said very much after that, except for necessary dialogue like getting exact directions to her house or passing her a pen so she could sign the discharge papers, until Derek turned on to her street. He knew she had been living with Sam, and he also knew her actual house was next door to his.
“I take it you want to go to Sam’s house, right?” he said. Addison was staring out the window. She was wearing scrubs, since it was all she’d had except for her dress she’d been wearing when she fainted and that had gotten coffee all over it, and her hair was mussy and partly covered by a white bandage.
She turned to face Derek. Her eyes were void of emotion, but Derek thought she looked lost. And sad. He didn’t blame her.
“No,” she said.
“No? You don’t want to go to Sam’s house? You’re living with him, though, right?”
“No,” she said. “I mean, yes. Yes, we’re living together. Sort of. But I … I just want to go home. To my home.” She paused for a second. “Please?”
Her last word seemed to echo through the car.
“Of course,” he said. “Whatever you want, Addie.”
She nodded, “Thank you,” and turned back to the window.
He pulled into the driveway a few moments later. She got out of the car on her own, but he made sure to help her inside and up the stairs.
“Jake says you need to rest, so get in bed and I’ll get you some food, and then you can sleep.”
She glanced at him. He had his arm around her waist. He didn’t trust that she wasn’t going to topple over if he let her climb the stairs on her own.
“You don’t have to take care of me.”
“Someone needs to take care of you.”
She scowled. “I can take care of myself.”
He rolled his eyes at her, but was careful to smile to show her he was teasing her. “No one said you couldn’t, Addison.”
“You just did.”
“No. I was trying to be nice.”
She stopped moving, so suddenly that he bumped into her. She raised her finger at him, just like she had done earlier that morning.
“Why? Why are you being nice to me?” she said. Her eyes were narrowed.
“What?” Derek shrugged. “Can’t a guy take care of his ex-wife without getting the third degree every now and then?”
That earned him a smile.
“No,” she said.
“You know, I am a nice guy.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Maybe I should have left you at the hospital.”
“Maybe you should have.”
“But at least I know you’re feeling better.”
She side-eyed him at that. “Why?”
“Because you’re letting me joke with you. Normally when you’re sick, you’re the biggest bitch in the world.”
Addison faked an expression of mock outrage. At least Derek thought it was faked.
“I am not!” she huffed.
“Really?” he said, steering her toward what he guessed to be her bedroom. “Then who was the girl who whined and bitched for three days because her chicken noodle soup did not taste exactly like her nanny made it?”
Addison shrugged. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I’m sure you don’t.”
“Go make me chicken noodle soup,” she said a few minutes later, when he had gotten her settled into bed and had pulled the covers up over her.
“So you can tell me how horrible it tastes?” he teased her.
“So I can tell if your cooking’s improved.”
“You’re the one who can’t cook.”
Addison grinned. “That doesn’t mean I don’t know what it tastes like!”
He laughed, but he made her chicken noodle soup. He had a feeling she wasn’t as okay as she was trying to make him think she was. But then, that had always been a very Addison trait. Keep it all inside and pretend everything is fine, until the moment when there is no more pretending.
He wanted to talk to her - really talk to her - but he had his life and she had hers and even though they were friends, he wasn’t sure how it all still fit. Especially this. He knew Meredith would freak out if she knew where he was, even though he and Meredith might as well be separated for as well as their marriage was going. But really, Derek knew, he couldn’t draw Addison into his problems with Meredith. That wouldn’t be fair.
Addison was half asleep by the time he brought the soup up to her.
“Addie.” He nudged her arm gently as he set the tray on her lap. She opened her eyes and struggled to move herself into a better position.
She was quiet while she ate, the teasing and joking from earlier gone. He could tell she was hurting, and he handed her some aspirin.
“Jake said not to take anything stronger,” he told her.
She nodded and took the pills. He waited till she was finished and helped her get comfortable once again.
“Are you going home?” she asked him as he tucked the covers in around her.
He couldn’t help himself. He reached up to brush a fiery tendril away from her face.
“There’s something I need to do. But then I’ll come back to check on you.”
“You don’t have to,” she said.
“I want to,” he told her.
She nodded and closed her eyes. A few minutes later she was asleep.
•••••
The visit with Amelia was awkward and painful, as he expected it to be. He and Amelia had a lot of issues to work out and they weren’t going to do it all now. They both knew that.
But he did his best not to say anything to her he would regret nor blame her for things she couldn’t control. To her credit, she did the same with him.
“We should just stay on neutral topics,” Derek said. They’d discussed a little of their careers, he’d given her an update on all the nephews and nieces, carefully avoiding any topic of their mother or her feelings on the matter of her youngest daughter. He managed to mostly avoid mention of Meredith as well.
“Addison,” Amelia said. Derek raised a brow.
“Addison is a neutral topic?” Derek said.
Amelia shrugged. “I assume you know about her and Sam.”
“I saw her and Sam,” Derek answered. “Or rather, I saw him avoid her.”
Amelia pursed her lips. “That happens a lot. Especially when the topic of babies comes up.”
Derek frowned. “Babies? But aren’t they trying to have one?”
Amelia snorted. “Addison is trying to have one.”
She saw Derek’s confused expression. “He told her he doesn’t ever want more kids,” she clarified.
Derek still looked confused. “But they’re together?”
Amelia nodded. “Yup.”
“But why?”
Amelia shrugged. “She’s Addison. She doesn’t want to be alone. She’ll take whoever she thinks she can get.”
•••••
Amelia’s words echoed in his head for a long time after Derek left her. He realized now why Addison wanted to go home after the hospital and not to Sam’s, why she looked so lost. The baby that didn’t happen this time around was her pain to bear, not anyone else’s.
That ache in his chest grew slightly larger again.
He thought she’d still be sleeping when he got back, so he was quiet as he let himself in the front door, but then he paused. There were voices coming from the back deck. Angry voices.
They were fighting - Derek couldn’t tell about what - but neither Addison nor Sam noticed him.
“Just drop it, Addison!” he heard Sam shout.
“No!” She stomped her foot. She was still dressed in the scrubs she had been dressed in earlier. Derek wondered why she was even out of bed. “You have no right!”
“I have plenty of right!” he yelled back.
“It’s my life!” she screamed at him. “And it’s my right!”
She whirled around then, presumably to head back inside. But she had barely taken a step, when Sam grabbed her arm. Derek didn’t even have time to react as Sam’s fingers tightened on her arm and he yanked her backward, to keep her from leaving. Addison hadn’t been expecting it, and the tug on her arm caused her to stumble backward. She lost her balance and fell, crying out as her head hit the railings of the deck. Sam’s hand never left her arm.
Derek didn’t stop to think. His feet glided over the deck, and before Sam could fully turn to face him, his fist connected with his nose, sending Sam sprawling ungracefully to the ground.
Blood spurted out and Sam sat up, practically spitting venom.
“What the fuck, Derek?”
But Derek was more angry than Sam and he towered over the other man, breathing heavily and staring daggers into the eyes of the guy he once considered one of his best friends.
“If you ever lay a hand on her again,” Derek hissed. “I will kill you.”
Sam sprang to his feet. “I didn’t do anything!”
“I saw you grab her!”
“She moved!”
“You grabbed her!”
Sam came flying at him now, fist swinging. Derek was ready, ducking Sam’s fist and punching back, this time landing one in the gut. Sam doubled over, but not for long. Soon enough he was rushing Derek, lunging at him, knocking him to the ground.
In the distance, Derek heard Addison scream, but he was too busy trying to fend off the blows.
He saw her, though, in the corner of his eye as she ran to them. And he saw it before it happened.
“Addie!” He tried to warn her, but he wasn’t fast enough.
Addison dove for Sam’s arm, to try and keep him from punching Derek again, but Sam was too enraged and he shrugged her off, harder than he should have. She went flying, and there was a crash as she hit the railing of the deck, hard, and slumped to the ground.
That stopped Sam. Sam stared at Addison, but Derek was already to his feet, rushing toward her. Derek reached a hand out as he neared her, touched her temple as he knelt down beside her. Addison moaned beneath his touch and he breathed a small sigh of relief that at least she was conscious.
He turned to Sam. His voice was icy.
“Get out of here.”
“I didn’t …”
“Get. Out. Of. Here.”
Sam didn’t try again. He wipe his hand across the blood still pouring from his nose and looked solemnly at Addison, who was still crumpled into a ball on the ground.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Don’t you ever come near her again,” Derek hissed, and then he turned his attention back to Addison, quickly running his fingers over her head, her back, her shoulders, her arms, just to make sure she wasn’t seriously injured.
Addison looked dazed, and he could tell from her expression that she was in pain and about two minutes away from a breakdown. But he didn’t want her to have it out here.
Carefully, he hooked an arm around her lower back and another under her legs and lifted her up. She moaned again as he jostled her a little to get her into position, and he felt a pang of guilt.
“I know it hurts,” he said softly. “You’re going to be okay.”
He laid her on the couch and took another moment to re-assess her injuries. He could feel a new lump growing on the back of her head, and he quickly checked her over for signs of a concussion. She seemed fine in that respect - her pupils weren’t dilated, she wasn’t confused, she said she wasn’t dizzy and she hadn’t lost consciousness.
He found some ice packs in the fridge, wrapped them in some towels and turned her on to her side so he could rest them against her head.
She whimpered at the contact, and the first trace of a tear made its way down her cheek.
She was lying on her side, and the arm Sam had first grabbed was resting across her stomach. He lifted her arm and carefully pushed up the short sleeve of her scrub top.
Her eyes widened as she realized what Derek was checking for, and Derek clenched his teeth when he could see the red marks on her flesh.
“Has he hurt you before?” Derek asked quietly.
Addison didn’t answer.
“Addison, has he hurt you before?” Derek asked her again.
“Addison, answer me,” he said a third time when she still didn’t answer.
She shook her head. “No,” she whispered. “Not intentionally.”
He wanted to ask her what she meant, but that one comment had been enough to push her over the edge. As Derek watched, her eyes filled with liquid, which spilled over, dripping down her cheeks. Within seconds, she was sobbing, and there was nothing he could do, but pull her into his arms.
She slid off the couch on to his lap, her hands twisting into his shirt, her head buried against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, secure enough to hold her in place against him but not so tight as to hurt her. His fingers traced patterns on her back and carefully stroked her hair.
He leaned his cheek gently on top of her head, his lips by her ear.
“It’s okay, Addie. I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” he repeated over and over. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”
She cried for almost an hour. Once she finally calmed down, she loosened her grip on his shirt and wrapped her arms around his waist instead. She turned her head to the side so her cheek was against his chest.
“What did you mean before, Addison?” Derek gently asked her, once he felt enough time had passed that she might answer him. “That Sam didn’t hurt you intentionally?”
She was quiet for so long, he thought she wasn’t going to answer, but then she spoke. “He didn’t mean to.”
“He didn’t mean to do what?”
She paused. “Shake me.” She said it so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.
His hand instinctively pressed a bit harder into her, almost as though to protect her.
“He shook you?”
“No,” she said quickly. “I mean, yes. But not like that. It was my fault.”
Derek frowned. “It was your fault he shook you?”
“He was worried about me,” she said. “He just wanted me to talk to him.”
“Addison,” Derek started.
“After my mother died,” she said. “He just wanted me to talk to him.”
“So he shook you?” If Addison hadn’t been in his lap, Derek had a feeling he would already be next door, punching Sam again.
“It wasn’t like that,” she said.
Derek sighed. “Addison, what happened to you?”
He felt her tense in his arms. “What?” she said.
He sighed. “You’re not this girl, Addie, who makes excuses for someone. What happened to the girl who once dumped her drink on a guy who accidentally knocked her off a bar stool?”
Addison frowned. “Mark deserved that,” she said.
“Addie,” Derek said, his voice serious.
She sighed. “I’m not that girl anymore, Derek. I don’t know how to be. She got lost.”
She turned her head then, titled it upward. They were mere centimeters apart, blue eyes staring into blue eyes. He could see everything in those eyes; he always could. And for a second, she wasn’t the woman who was just thrown across a deck by her boyfriend, but she was that twenty-two year-old who told him he was the first boy she ever loved.
He bent his head and kissed her.
“Derek.” She pulled back. “What are you doing?”
“Kissing you.”
She shook her head. “Don’t.”
“Why?”
“Because if you do that, I’ll kiss you back. And if I kiss you back, I won’t stop with just kissing. And if I don’t stop with kissing, we might regret this in the morning.”
“You don’t know that,” he said.
“It will change everything,” she said.
“Yes. It will,” he said. “That’s what I’m hoping for.”
He leaned forward and kissed her again.
She kissed him back.