Self-Indulgence
I've been cleaning up the gunk which has applied itself across my computers hard-drives and among this gunk I kept finding little text files with things I written and as ever nice as I am, I am going to paste one into this journal.
Odd thing really is, I do not remember writing this (below) and further more, it is very self-indulgent on me, the content that is, I wonder if I am too quick to feed my own stupid thoughts and ideas with this type of waffle? I suppose it is allowed, as it was written and stored on my own computers.
I most likely saved it to be posted and even more likely, actully have posted it before, seems I stole part of a Pearl Jam lyric in there too.
============
Thoughts arrive like butterflies, attracted to the light of this mind and burn as they touch it. Crashing alight to the ground, formless shadows of memories and feelings giving a false sense of trepidation, its all relative really.
Fragmented the thoughts swirl around this washbasin, a reflection of a face no more than puddles rippled by the mornings rain then gives way to this new trend of nothing, feelings of what should be joy empty, broken on the surface, shattered inside.
Time has pasted and everyone has grown, becoming men and women of this world, finding meanings in bottles and rolled joints, the clouds flowing outside and inwards through cobwebbed hearts. Each ones worth weight in a balance and dismissed like the bull and matador, one will leave and other left like the butterflies above and below all these thoughts, flickering as they burn up are skies and scold the skin, thoughts left without meanings, thoughts left unfilled, all these thoughts just left to fly free just to die in ashes and crushed underfoot.
It is easy and simple to sit and try to analyse everything, find the meaning behind the shadow which caused us, as kids, to hide under are covers only to justify it as we grow as nothing more than the tree outside the window.
Everyone has these spooky shadows, no matter there age, they remain. The shadow of debt, the shadow of an ex, the shadow of drug abuse, a shadow of the unknown next, we all live with shadows and they are not as easy to shake as the tree outside our windows.
People do find solace, not always in things which others will deem correct or right, but is any release, release enough, no matter what it maybe?
There I go again, spurting out words quicker than I can truly think on them, giving meaning to words plucked from the air, perhaps from a different place, calling them my own despite them being nothing more than rambles on subjects I watch other than live and experience.
It is all relative? There always has to be watchers and then the doers, all with different stories and able to express different aspects and thoughts on this fragmented existence and in my case words.
What good is the analysing of everything? I can not earn money with this and do not gain anything but a way to kill the seconds which tick away to the end of my life, all our lives and with nothing more to that a multitude of characters, which may vanished and be nothing more than void.
I think on what I want, most answers seem to go someway towards others, showing a world to them but all of it relates back to myself, I want to be listened to and indulged in both words, thoughts and many things which flicker and flirt around our heads everyday as we walk from point a and b.
Some set morals too high, others know their own fault which only set their morals higher, not expecting of others which they know they would do themselves if they had not set it as a moral no-no, a form of jealousy for those who dare step outside of social correctness and what is deemed political and socially correct? Who knows, once more over analysing of nothing creeps into my rambles?
It is all a game of catching the butterflies, the butterflies which are our thoughts and dreams, catching them and putting them away in jars or should we really let them fly free instead of bottling them up?
What is truly selfish and what is selfless, it is all a matter of perspective and how much you can talk your way into or out of peoples hearts, actions maybe said to be louder than words but people are fickle as well as materialistic to the spoken word and moments of appleasing can have you in someone’s good book for life dismissing all you do and misdemeanours you commit.
Is this true or just a collection of words forged together in a semi coherent manner to attempt to set across nothing?
======
In other news, I am having problems with Dell it seems, as in, not hearing from them and all attempts of contacting them failing, I'll explore the telephone thing monday perhaps.
Does somebody know why alot of these 'artist' type of websites where people sign up and display art and all that jazz have a place for showing 'my current desktop' and that some people seem to display five desktop screenshots to each one piece of 'work' they submit?
Maybe I should start showing off an image I set as a background, nifty beans, yeah...right.. Though my current background is April Ryan (Dreamfall Version), I sort of understand the more 'goth' look but hopfully they won't show flashbacks or pictures from TLJ which show her very goth like in that, I am sure I remember parts in that game where she mentioned things being too Gothic or something which would not be something a Goth like person would say, I think it was about Tuplips (Like where is the funeral?)
It is possibly some of my ramble falls on ignorant ears, at no fault to the listener/reader, we can not know everything so we are all ignorant to degrees.
Luckless is my infliction of late.
Right, off I go-eth.
Odd thing really is, I do not remember writing this (below) and further more, it is very self-indulgent on me, the content that is, I wonder if I am too quick to feed my own stupid thoughts and ideas with this type of waffle? I suppose it is allowed, as it was written and stored on my own computers.
I most likely saved it to be posted and even more likely, actully have posted it before, seems I stole part of a Pearl Jam lyric in there too.
============
Thoughts arrive like butterflies, attracted to the light of this mind and burn as they touch it. Crashing alight to the ground, formless shadows of memories and feelings giving a false sense of trepidation, its all relative really.
Fragmented the thoughts swirl around this washbasin, a reflection of a face no more than puddles rippled by the mornings rain then gives way to this new trend of nothing, feelings of what should be joy empty, broken on the surface, shattered inside.
Time has pasted and everyone has grown, becoming men and women of this world, finding meanings in bottles and rolled joints, the clouds flowing outside and inwards through cobwebbed hearts. Each ones worth weight in a balance and dismissed like the bull and matador, one will leave and other left like the butterflies above and below all these thoughts, flickering as they burn up are skies and scold the skin, thoughts left without meanings, thoughts left unfilled, all these thoughts just left to fly free just to die in ashes and crushed underfoot.
It is easy and simple to sit and try to analyse everything, find the meaning behind the shadow which caused us, as kids, to hide under are covers only to justify it as we grow as nothing more than the tree outside the window.
Everyone has these spooky shadows, no matter there age, they remain. The shadow of debt, the shadow of an ex, the shadow of drug abuse, a shadow of the unknown next, we all live with shadows and they are not as easy to shake as the tree outside our windows.
People do find solace, not always in things which others will deem correct or right, but is any release, release enough, no matter what it maybe?
There I go again, spurting out words quicker than I can truly think on them, giving meaning to words plucked from the air, perhaps from a different place, calling them my own despite them being nothing more than rambles on subjects I watch other than live and experience.
It is all relative? There always has to be watchers and then the doers, all with different stories and able to express different aspects and thoughts on this fragmented existence and in my case words.
What good is the analysing of everything? I can not earn money with this and do not gain anything but a way to kill the seconds which tick away to the end of my life, all our lives and with nothing more to that a multitude of characters, which may vanished and be nothing more than void.
I think on what I want, most answers seem to go someway towards others, showing a world to them but all of it relates back to myself, I want to be listened to and indulged in both words, thoughts and many things which flicker and flirt around our heads everyday as we walk from point a and b.
Some set morals too high, others know their own fault which only set their morals higher, not expecting of others which they know they would do themselves if they had not set it as a moral no-no, a form of jealousy for those who dare step outside of social correctness and what is deemed political and socially correct? Who knows, once more over analysing of nothing creeps into my rambles?
It is all a game of catching the butterflies, the butterflies which are our thoughts and dreams, catching them and putting them away in jars or should we really let them fly free instead of bottling them up?
What is truly selfish and what is selfless, it is all a matter of perspective and how much you can talk your way into or out of peoples hearts, actions maybe said to be louder than words but people are fickle as well as materialistic to the spoken word and moments of appleasing can have you in someone’s good book for life dismissing all you do and misdemeanours you commit.
Is this true or just a collection of words forged together in a semi coherent manner to attempt to set across nothing?
======
In other news, I am having problems with Dell it seems, as in, not hearing from them and all attempts of contacting them failing, I'll explore the telephone thing monday perhaps.
Does somebody know why alot of these 'artist' type of websites where people sign up and display art and all that jazz have a place for showing 'my current desktop' and that some people seem to display five desktop screenshots to each one piece of 'work' they submit?
Maybe I should start showing off an image I set as a background, nifty beans, yeah...right.. Though my current background is April Ryan (Dreamfall Version), I sort of understand the more 'goth' look but hopfully they won't show flashbacks or pictures from TLJ which show her very goth like in that, I am sure I remember parts in that game where she mentioned things being too Gothic or something which would not be something a Goth like person would say, I think it was about Tuplips (Like where is the funeral?)
It is possibly some of my ramble falls on ignorant ears, at no fault to the listener/reader, we can not know everything so we are all ignorant to degrees.
Luckless is my infliction of late.
Right, off I go-eth.