(no subject)
Well my son's big day is almost here right now i just wish it wont come untill i come back home but i know that i dont have control of time. cuz if i did i would rewind alot of shit in my life..but i just dont know why i continue to hurt people love so damn much sabrina grilled me again and im not saying i dont deserve it but but she was the one saying lets move on and stuff. I know its not gonna happen overnight to tell the truth i know that if we stay together that i will probaly hear for the rest of my life. thats the thing no matter how much i try to act like it dosent bother me that we talk about divorce and not being together it hurts i mean i get teary eyed and everything because just the thoughtg of losing her is unbearable i dont know what ill do. She told me that she was gonna go back home and start packing and then i asked her so..what are you gonna mov e to germany? What kinda of shit is that i mean i love the woman so much but the things she says sometimes jsut make me say fuck it leave bitch i dont care but i know thats now what i want that is my baby my one true love my everything and she dosent even want me anymore damn.. come on now god i kno i havent said my prayers everynight and been to church like i shouldve been but if you keep this woman in my life i promise you and eveyone else that i can change. Some people hate change some say change is for the good and i know that im changing for the good im tryin really hard i dont know what else can I do how to i make her love me again..maybe i cant i know i cant you can never make no one love you if someone loves you they love you for you not money your car its you its that lil differnce that god gave you i was that lil differnce i was i dont know what happened i was so worried about pleasing everyone else so i wont look like im sprung which i am that ..i wasnt thinking ...damn love is the greatest thing in the world but if you abuse it mis-use it take it for granted it can be the thing you hate the most and i think maybe if i didnt love her the way i do maybe if i just push her away from me and just start being cold hearted to her then it will go away because she deserves so much better than me and i hate that im holding her back from making someone else the happiest perosn in the world my bri is truly a gift from god and i thank him for letting me be a part of her life but i know shes not willing to stay i know it and im preparing myself for the worse so it wont catch me off guard ..this is not just my journal but more like a way to tell everyone that if you have someone you truly love then go tell them now tell them that they mean the world to you and never let that person go..