years ago
the other day i was talking to a friend and we were kinda talking deep, sorta. but what i started thinking was how things have changed since when i was little. she recently wrote a poem and in it said "everything has changed [around me]. but i haven't". it reinspired me. made me think. what makes me very sad is that i HAVE changed with the times. i would like to be that person i was 5 years ago. it's amazing how much a person can change in 5 years. not really how i act and what i do, but how i feel. i used to be a writer, i wrote and wrote and wrote. i remember one saturday evening the sun was floating right around where the trees stood. i sat down in my driveway and just wrote about this girl i had a crush on. i had so much emotion and so much that it had to come out some way, it was always through writing or deep conversation. i remember when i was younger in my single digit years, i would wake up on a saturday morning and see the sun leaking through the blinds in my room and i had so many thoughts going through my head about what i could do outside that day. i was so excited just from that. this past saturday was beautiful. i just laid in bed and did nothing till time to go to a show later that day. am i truely getting old? im only 20. at times i feel 12. innocence is something i still wish i had. not that im a bad person, but ive grown quite used to all the bad words and things in this world. i remember when is used to affect me like it should. im not dead inside, im quite alive. but, for the right reason? sometimes i just sit and wish i had something to write about. if i really thought about it, i would if i just had that emotion that i used to. it's not like there is nothing going on in my life or in this world. im a bastard at times, im a jerk, im a gentleman, im a peace keeper, im a liar, im a jealous fag, im a trusting fool, im a lover, im a prejudice, im a politcal man, im a child, im a photographer, im less than i could be.