Die
Sitting in a comfy lounge chair with a wonderful cheap Vodka and cranberry in hand. Colour in my tanned face, wearing no underwear on either front, with my friend Kat making out with her crush in the other room, my friends joking about something directly to my right, Sonia's 15 year old, 6'4" 206lb brother prattling on about something to me on my left. Behind me lighning strikes and thunder humms and the heavy, beautiful rain pours down after a great afternoon at the beach, drunk, and a great relief to my mind earlier. And life, completely, in its entirety, is great. Of course, this is my life, you don't think that can last do you?
And then i see him. My number one fantasy of all time. Homicidal fantasy that is. Everything i hate about life, about men, is in this man - Mr. Armstrong!
Reminded me how much i hate men, how much i hate every single man, except danny who seems to be different and wonderful!
Reminded me how much i disagree with and fear relationships....
Infusing the direction of life i want to take in life at the moment with reason and justification.
Hatred.
I went through my normal motions of encountering, or even just THINKING about Armstrong. I froze, I remembered the razor blade in my purse. I started to cry silently. I went home. I laid in bed and dreamt of how to kill him, again.
I must thank this man however. If it wasn't for him, i would never be so on guard in my own life with reference to committment and men.
Also i must thank him for inspiring a novel i may one day write.....about a serial killer. And he plays a central character to the psychological plot-line.
I do not want to leave my house. I can laugh in here, i am safe, no-one can get me. Do not want to leave until i pick up danny from the airport. Hello pups, hello bed, hello TV.....
And then i see him. My number one fantasy of all time. Homicidal fantasy that is. Everything i hate about life, about men, is in this man - Mr. Armstrong!
Reminded me how much i hate men, how much i hate every single man, except danny who seems to be different and wonderful!
Reminded me how much i disagree with and fear relationships....
Infusing the direction of life i want to take in life at the moment with reason and justification.
Hatred.
I went through my normal motions of encountering, or even just THINKING about Armstrong. I froze, I remembered the razor blade in my purse. I started to cry silently. I went home. I laid in bed and dreamt of how to kill him, again.
I must thank this man however. If it wasn't for him, i would never be so on guard in my own life with reference to committment and men.
Also i must thank him for inspiring a novel i may one day write.....about a serial killer. And he plays a central character to the psychological plot-line.
I do not want to leave my house. I can laugh in here, i am safe, no-one can get me. Do not want to leave until i pick up danny from the airport. Hello pups, hello bed, hello TV.....