it's turkey day, but it's my new resolutions day
home is good. headache not so good. but hopefully friday will be mucho better. and late night talks w/ daniel good.
and i'm suddenly happy and excited...and headache free. i can't wait for next semester. new plans! new attitudes! new everything! and i'm excited.
1. i'm going to do lacrosse. no matter what. no matter how intimidating everyone else is; no matter if everyone is varsity menlo quality...or better. what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger right? and it'll be a good chance to sweat it out as a team w/ new girls. and who knwos? maybe i'll meet a bunch of great girls. and they've made it clear, it's a no pressure, chill thing.
2. i'm "quitting" AAA. yes, i'm a life time member. but you know what? this semester's been good in the sense that i've been reflecting and understand more about myself than i think i ever did. it's not that i don't like asians...i just don't particularly click with them. and yes, aaa was fun...but it's just a side activity to occupy myself with. more often than not, a chore. and with its cult-ish and oh so very asian ways, i find myself feeling that i lack a diverse group of friends. never mind that i don't have a group of friends. but still, it's the main reason why i crave more...why i feel that my life is the same and monotonous - and so very not me. it's made me realize while i do embrace my ethnicity and asian american-ness, it's not my life...it's not how i identify myself. it's not entirely who i am and i greatly value diversity in friends. which i had never thought of before.
3. habitat for humanity. maybe i won't be a full time member...but i'll try. and i most definitely want to take a trip with a group of ppl during spring break and work and help out in another country. bc ideally, that's what i want. and it's more opportunity to meet more people and really click with them. it'd be retreat all over again.
4. no sororities for me. i've wavered since welcome week last yr...but i've decided. (for now at least, unless my original plan does not work out) i know whichever route i take, i'll be happy and have lots of fun. but now talking to daniel, i realize, what would make me even happier and more fulfilling, would be if i didn't join a sorority and was social on my own and created my own scene. if i found my own group of people...because i know, if i do, it'd be just THIS much more precious and valuable to me than finding a group of girls in a sorority would do to me.
5. rsf/swim on a regular basis. i will. trust me. i will. i'll take classes...and motivate myself. oh yes i will. anyone?
6. enjoy my spare time. no seriously. i'm going to party hard, and i'm going to work hard. and i'm going to have time for myself. because if i've learned anything this semseter, it's i need down time more than i ever thought i did.
and somehow i will fit my research position in there. and i will have fun. i will be confident. proud. i will talk to people who i want to get to know. i will not second guess myself. i will not be intimidated. because seriously, it's better to have lived knowing that you tried to get to know someone who you thought was interesting than to regret never having known that person. that, my friends, is my new attitude in life. and i'll tackle everything and anything that comes my way - ideally of course.
and it's not that this semester's been bad. i'm just not where i had expected i'd be in by now.
for whatever this entry was worth, at least i have something to read over and over again when i need it.
and i'm suddenly happy and excited...and headache free. i can't wait for next semester. new plans! new attitudes! new everything! and i'm excited.
1. i'm going to do lacrosse. no matter what. no matter how intimidating everyone else is; no matter if everyone is varsity menlo quality...or better. what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger right? and it'll be a good chance to sweat it out as a team w/ new girls. and who knwos? maybe i'll meet a bunch of great girls. and they've made it clear, it's a no pressure, chill thing.
2. i'm "quitting" AAA. yes, i'm a life time member. but you know what? this semester's been good in the sense that i've been reflecting and understand more about myself than i think i ever did. it's not that i don't like asians...i just don't particularly click with them. and yes, aaa was fun...but it's just a side activity to occupy myself with. more often than not, a chore. and with its cult-ish and oh so very asian ways, i find myself feeling that i lack a diverse group of friends. never mind that i don't have a group of friends. but still, it's the main reason why i crave more...why i feel that my life is the same and monotonous - and so very not me. it's made me realize while i do embrace my ethnicity and asian american-ness, it's not my life...it's not how i identify myself. it's not entirely who i am and i greatly value diversity in friends. which i had never thought of before.
3. habitat for humanity. maybe i won't be a full time member...but i'll try. and i most definitely want to take a trip with a group of ppl during spring break and work and help out in another country. bc ideally, that's what i want. and it's more opportunity to meet more people and really click with them. it'd be retreat all over again.
4. no sororities for me. i've wavered since welcome week last yr...but i've decided. (for now at least, unless my original plan does not work out) i know whichever route i take, i'll be happy and have lots of fun. but now talking to daniel, i realize, what would make me even happier and more fulfilling, would be if i didn't join a sorority and was social on my own and created my own scene. if i found my own group of people...because i know, if i do, it'd be just THIS much more precious and valuable to me than finding a group of girls in a sorority would do to me.
5. rsf/swim on a regular basis. i will. trust me. i will. i'll take classes...and motivate myself. oh yes i will. anyone?
6. enjoy my spare time. no seriously. i'm going to party hard, and i'm going to work hard. and i'm going to have time for myself. because if i've learned anything this semseter, it's i need down time more than i ever thought i did.
and somehow i will fit my research position in there. and i will have fun. i will be confident. proud. i will talk to people who i want to get to know. i will not second guess myself. i will not be intimidated. because seriously, it's better to have lived knowing that you tried to get to know someone who you thought was interesting than to regret never having known that person. that, my friends, is my new attitude in life. and i'll tackle everything and anything that comes my way - ideally of course.
and it's not that this semester's been bad. i'm just not where i had expected i'd be in by now.
for whatever this entry was worth, at least i have something to read over and over again when i need it.