God

[flights]

I miss my life. I feel purposeless and void. Everything is just sullen and dead. It's hard to figure out what answers there are to it all, or maybe which direction I took that has taken me here. Seasonal sadness is so predicted, but I have definitely raised my hand for this one. I am envious of everything, and everyone. There is no one to reach out to, no one is close enough. Even listening to things, reading things, seeing things that remind me of what is good makes me so sad. Full circle familiarity. This is exactly how I feel, with no desperate attempts for condolences. I completely blame myself. I could sleep forever.

i don't really need to see,
so i don't need to see so i'll paint,
i don't know, i'll paint it black.
i don't need to see,
i don't see how you see out of your window,
i don't need to see, i'll paint mine black.
i don't know me and you don't know you,
so we fit so good together cuz i knew you like i knew myself.
we clung on like barnacles on a boat,
even though the ship sinks you know you can't let go.
i was talking like two hands knocking,
saying '"let me in, let me in, please come out."
black glass, dirt-based soap,
tell yourself what you know.
my friends, oh my friends,
bury your head i'll help you bury your plans.
hard hit, hard to miss, problems are what a problem is.
my light came up quick, call it your asterisk,
buried like boys in a boys first book of the stars
saw it as satellite, constant unblinking as,
buried in the bottom of a bottom of a blackish lake.