Engagement and Wedding stuffs
So I might as well use my live journal for some planning stuff. Ideas etc. I will also use this as a place to put my true feelings because I need somewhere to vent that Russ won't read. No I'm not going to keep secrets from him, but I just have to have a place to put all my mixed up feelings.
On the outside, I'm elated to be engaged. On the inside, I'm terribly sad to be planning a wedding around a possible death of his mother.
Its not exactly what I invisioned for my wedding, but you can't plan that can you.
For Russ and I, what would mean the most for us on our wedding day is to have our families present and be there in the moment together. Granted if we could just pick a date like normal couples we'd have all our family friends and close friends there too. Russ's Dad didn't get to see his daughter get married so when Russ ties the knot it was supposed to be a big thing. We didn't count on the cancer being as bad as it is for his mom. So what would have been a huge to do is widdling itself down to a time crunch.
We don't know a timeline for his mom. We should know something by the end of this week though. If her blood count doesn't go up, then she can't have chemo. If she can't have Chemo then the cancer will spread and affect her bowls more. If her bowls are more affected then she won't beable to ingest anything (not like she is now, but..). If she can't eat, she dies. What doesn't help is that she just lost a friend whom she saw in the hospital at the same time as herself die of ovarian cancer, just like she has. She is really upset about ruining our wedding.
I can't help but to feel a little disappointed, but also feel like she needs to be there for it. I feel horrible for wanting to be a little selfish. But It would mean the world to us to have her there. I'm literally being riped in half. One part of me says why bother. Why bother plan a ceremoney then a reception thing later. Just do something small, then its over. The other says I won't be truely happy with that. Which is true.
So as it looks. Once we determine her health. We might have a small ceremoney with our immediate family. Well maybe aunts and uncles will get an invite. We'll send out an announcement with the date of our wedding, but also include the planned date of our reception. So like get married in a few weeks but have a reception in August that everyone can attend. That will also give Barb something to live for too.
I have a few great people who are already jumping to offer their services to help me, but I can't start planning yet. I do think however I might try and get out in the next week or so to try on some dresses and get a feel of what I like and what I could get on short notice. Also need to start thinking about venues. I'm thinking if its only going to be immediate family or so we could find a lovely resturant and have a ceremoney there and book it for the night. I could be a winter bride :) Actually the idea sounds kind of appealing to me.
I have all these ideas just bubbling in my head and won't probably get to do any of it.
Meh! So am I a horrible person for wanting to have both?
On the outside, I'm elated to be engaged. On the inside, I'm terribly sad to be planning a wedding around a possible death of his mother.
Its not exactly what I invisioned for my wedding, but you can't plan that can you.
For Russ and I, what would mean the most for us on our wedding day is to have our families present and be there in the moment together. Granted if we could just pick a date like normal couples we'd have all our family friends and close friends there too. Russ's Dad didn't get to see his daughter get married so when Russ ties the knot it was supposed to be a big thing. We didn't count on the cancer being as bad as it is for his mom. So what would have been a huge to do is widdling itself down to a time crunch.
We don't know a timeline for his mom. We should know something by the end of this week though. If her blood count doesn't go up, then she can't have chemo. If she can't have Chemo then the cancer will spread and affect her bowls more. If her bowls are more affected then she won't beable to ingest anything (not like she is now, but..). If she can't eat, she dies. What doesn't help is that she just lost a friend whom she saw in the hospital at the same time as herself die of ovarian cancer, just like she has. She is really upset about ruining our wedding.
I can't help but to feel a little disappointed, but also feel like she needs to be there for it. I feel horrible for wanting to be a little selfish. But It would mean the world to us to have her there. I'm literally being riped in half. One part of me says why bother. Why bother plan a ceremoney then a reception thing later. Just do something small, then its over. The other says I won't be truely happy with that. Which is true.
So as it looks. Once we determine her health. We might have a small ceremoney with our immediate family. Well maybe aunts and uncles will get an invite. We'll send out an announcement with the date of our wedding, but also include the planned date of our reception. So like get married in a few weeks but have a reception in August that everyone can attend. That will also give Barb something to live for too.
I have a few great people who are already jumping to offer their services to help me, but I can't start planning yet. I do think however I might try and get out in the next week or so to try on some dresses and get a feel of what I like and what I could get on short notice. Also need to start thinking about venues. I'm thinking if its only going to be immediate family or so we could find a lovely resturant and have a ceremoney there and book it for the night. I could be a winter bride :) Actually the idea sounds kind of appealing to me.
I have all these ideas just bubbling in my head and won't probably get to do any of it.
Meh! So am I a horrible person for wanting to have both?