Dec 31, 2010 02:50
"Oi, Chris!"
Ray tips his chair back, leans into Chris' right side, and gestures to the telly with the lit end of his cigarette. He's not speaking particularly loudly, but he isn't trying to be quiet either.
"Which would you say is better: football season, or sex?"
Leave a comment
Gene barrels out of the door from the gents, a fag dangling from his lips.
'He's only got workin' knowledge of football. Nelson, another pint if you'd be so kind.'
Drink acquired (and Chris's expression ignored), he drops himself into the chair opposite.
Reply
"It's the only thing you can count on havin' at least once a week, am I right, Guv?"
Reply
He has drink and looks smug. What? He is married. Can't count on it every week if the missus isn't involved but stick her into the equation and he's golden.
'What happened t'that tart you were boffin' that worked down the Odeon? Couldn' buy my popcorn off her with a straight face, knowin' you'd had your greasy paws all over her.'
Reply
"Yeah, well."
He flicks ash from the end of his cigarette.
"Wasn't the only one, as it 'appens. That fadge 'ad seen more Yankee knobs than Buckingham Palace."
Reply
He rolls his eyes and slumps back in his seat, lounging comfortably.
'You got another one on th' go now?'
Ray's a bigger slapper than any of the girls he picks up.
Good man.
Reply
He arches his eyebrows.
Yeah.
"Didn't rumble 'er meanin' until we'd settled on there bein' a Ray sandwich."
He takes a pissy pull off his ciggy, but shortly his mouth turns out a lopsided grin.
"'Course I 'ave! Since when 'ave you ever known me to have one woman?"
Reply
'What, a threesome with another bird?'
He has to clarify. The suggestion that it might have been with a bloke just doesn't bear thinking about.
Reply
"I wish. No, some smarmy tosser she met off the pub over on Grosvenor."
Beat.
"I said no.."
Reply
'I should bloody well 'ope you said no, you div.'
Honestly, what is wrong with these lads? He sometimes finds it hard to believe Ray's the same age as him.
'How, in the name of all things holy, did you manage not t'notice she was suggestin' turnin' you into a dart board to be stabbed by her poofter mate?'
Reply
"'ow was I supposed to know? You've seen 'er friend at the ticket booth, always chattin' each other up."
He half-shrugs.
"I thought, you know...
"Point is, I'm not a poofter! You can't deck a bird for suggestin' it, though."
Can you?
Reply
Gene stops short, pulls a face and picks up his pint.
'...no, you can't. But you can bloody lay one on th' bloke tha' was up for it though.'
Because manly manliness must be observed at all times and almost accidentally having gay sex means that heterosexuality should certainly be firmly established at the ealiest possible opportunity. Preferably with fists and then football and pints, in whatever order seems right.
Reply
He leans back in his seat and puffs out his chest.
"The pissy queen won't be breathin' out of 'is nose for a week, if that. Got myself out of there, told the dozy bint she could find 'er own way 'ome. And that's why you don't see me at the Odeon twice a week anymore."
He takes another hard pull off his cigarette and chases it with half his pint for good measure. He's no poofter.
Reply
He Approves of this behaviour. Serves the poncey bastard right.
'If you feel the need to show her what's what, send plod 'round when she's at work to give her a talkin' to about something. That should teach her to keep her clever ideas to herself in future.'
Reply
Ray laughs, looking the picture of a kid on Christmas. If naughty kids ever got presents, that is.
Reply
''course. About time they did somethin' useful anyway. They'll probably be chuffed t'do anythin' that isn' writin' bloody parkin' tickets.'
Reply
He nods, taking this seriously.
"But, uh -- what should I tell them she's done?"
Reply
Leave a comment