Would YOU pass along a friend-of-friend to the rest of your friends?
I had a somewhat fascinating conversation this week about the limits of friend-favors and social networks. It was a conversation with my friend RF, and it took place in the context of this linear social network. All connections are social connections but all parties are in the same industry:
JI -- RF -- DY -- (DY's other friends)
And the paraphrased conversation was like this.
RF: (was angry that DY wouldn't introduce JI to her friends in a certain industry segment, after saying she might or would.)
Me: Hmm, how sad, DY is not doing unpaid labor quite as you'd hoped. Maybe you should hook JI up with a headhunter, who does this stuff for a living.
RF: Whaaa? That's a little bit mean. JI isn't even looking for a job, she just wants to make connections.
Me: Wow, so even less potential payoff for DY. Yeah, I can't say that's my scene either. Too much effort, no reward.
RF: I feel it's not about effort, but about DY not wanting to look stupid in front of her friends in case JI isn't very smart.
Me: I, also, would not wish to risk even a smidge of my professional reputation on referring someone I had not met.
RF: Here is the letter JI wrote about what she was looking for. (Letter).
Me: Yeah, I wouldn't pass that along to my friends either. I really, really, wouldn't. No way. That letter makes JI look like a whole lot of work.
We talked some more, and it became clear that, for me and maybe for DY, that extra degree of social separation is an absolute killer. I would personally have talked to JI, as a favor, in DY's place, but without having met her there is no way I'd risk annoying the rest of my professional-friend network.
Likewise, I'm pretty sure I would not meet up with a friend of a friend of a friend. There's too little linkage there. A FoF who turns out to be annoying can be restrained a bit through the friend in the middle, but beyond that it's no better than a random stranger. And I have to focus my energy/time somehow. And my professional reputation is precious, and has taken me a long time to earn.
RF would have made the introductions, though. He would have seen it as a reasonable friend-favor, and would not have seen it as a risk to his professional reputation to pass on an unknown to his friends. That last point interests me, because I don't see why we would differ on that point; could be a gender thing, or a confidence thing (correlated), or something else I'm not seeing.
Would you have done it?
JI -- RF -- DY -- (DY's other friends)
And the paraphrased conversation was like this.
RF: (was angry that DY wouldn't introduce JI to her friends in a certain industry segment, after saying she might or would.)
Me: Hmm, how sad, DY is not doing unpaid labor quite as you'd hoped. Maybe you should hook JI up with a headhunter, who does this stuff for a living.
RF: Whaaa? That's a little bit mean. JI isn't even looking for a job, she just wants to make connections.
Me: Wow, so even less potential payoff for DY. Yeah, I can't say that's my scene either. Too much effort, no reward.
RF: I feel it's not about effort, but about DY not wanting to look stupid in front of her friends in case JI isn't very smart.
Me: I, also, would not wish to risk even a smidge of my professional reputation on referring someone I had not met.
RF: Here is the letter JI wrote about what she was looking for. (Letter).
Me: Yeah, I wouldn't pass that along to my friends either. I really, really, wouldn't. No way. That letter makes JI look like a whole lot of work.
We talked some more, and it became clear that, for me and maybe for DY, that extra degree of social separation is an absolute killer. I would personally have talked to JI, as a favor, in DY's place, but without having met her there is no way I'd risk annoying the rest of my professional-friend network.
Likewise, I'm pretty sure I would not meet up with a friend of a friend of a friend. There's too little linkage there. A FoF who turns out to be annoying can be restrained a bit through the friend in the middle, but beyond that it's no better than a random stranger. And I have to focus my energy/time somehow. And my professional reputation is precious, and has taken me a long time to earn.
RF would have made the introductions, though. He would have seen it as a reasonable friend-favor, and would not have seen it as a risk to his professional reputation to pass on an unknown to his friends. That last point interests me, because I don't see why we would differ on that point; could be a gender thing, or a confidence thing (correlated), or something else I'm not seeing.
Would you have done it?