(no subject)
Augh.....I don't understand Reubens. Why did he tell me that he missed me and all this shit if he was just gonna pull the same crap? Fuck I can't even believe anything he told me cause they're probably all lies. And I actually stood up for that ass. I don't understand how he can keep hurting me like this. No, actually what I don't understand is how I always manage to meet guys like this. And I don't understand why I'm letting myself get upset all over again over some dick but I am and I can't stand it cause its giving me this empty feeling inside that I've been feeling for about a week now but couldn't pinpoint why, but now I know why and I just want it to go away. It's not even about whether he likes me or not. If he doesn't like me I'd rather him tell me that then for him to keep playing these games. It's the not knowing why part that bothers me. It's the fact that in his eyes I don't even deserve a phone call that bothers me. It makes me feel so horrible. And I know most of you think that it's my fault and yah I admit I do let the people who hurt me back into my life because I'm not going to throw someone away if I care about them..but I'm tired of feeling like I have to explain my decisions to people and it gets to the point where I don't even want to tell people whats going on and who I'm talking to and whether they're hurting me or not because I feel bad enough without having someone else I care about telling me that I do this to myself. Anyways I'm getting off topic.