My Life is Just a String of Awkward Moments
The above title is something my friend Larissa likes to say a lot. I totally sympathize because my life is the definition of awkward. Here are a few, new and fairly recent, reasons why.
-I got a phone call last weekend from a friend of mine who was in Jersey for the weekend celebrating Passover. He wanted to know if radar was illegal in my state. When I didn’t know he got quite upset with me and said that since I lived there I should know such things.
-Today I went to a party called “Go to Hell.” My good friend Small Birds wanted to know if I was going and emailed me this:
“Are you going to hell tonight? (_insert fraternity here_, not eternal damnation).”
I told her I was probably going to both.
Another thing about the party (which was in a giant field): there were two cops there who had been paid off not to card people. They got 200 dollars each plus all the food and drink they wanted for their compliance. One of my friend's considered this for a moment before telling me if she were a cop she'd be the most corrupt person ever and would probably take bribes for just about anything. Um...okay.
-My roommate and I just got back from a deserted parking lot (notice the time stamp on this thing) where we picked up a friend who had driven their drunk, run out of gas, been unable to get her key out of the ignition, and had passed out on the steering wheel. When she called to ask us what was wrong with her car I said, “So-and-so, is the car in park?” She told me it was. Of course the car was not in park, which was the reason the keys wouldn’t come out of the ignition. Apparently she just thought I was asking if the car was moving. I ended up driving for the first time in North Carolina tonight, sans driver’s license and, unfortunately, a bra.
-We had to get gas to move So-and-so’s car so Roomie and I went to a gas station and filled up a plastic container to bring back to her car. After getting her car working again we drove the poor thing back to the gas station to fill it up. The attendant came on over the speaker and asked, “Which one of you young ladies ran out of gas?” Roomie and I pointed at So-and-so. “Don’t you know, ma’am, that ‘E’ stand for empty, not 'goes everywhere.'”
Hahaha. Silly gas station man.
-Roomie and I just had wings delivered. Afterwards she accused me of being a pig not for eating too much chicken, but for hogging the moist towel-ette.
*
And these are just a few.
-I got a phone call last weekend from a friend of mine who was in Jersey for the weekend celebrating Passover. He wanted to know if radar was illegal in my state. When I didn’t know he got quite upset with me and said that since I lived there I should know such things.
-Today I went to a party called “Go to Hell.” My good friend Small Birds wanted to know if I was going and emailed me this:
“Are you going to hell tonight? (_insert fraternity here_, not eternal damnation).”
I told her I was probably going to both.
Another thing about the party (which was in a giant field): there were two cops there who had been paid off not to card people. They got 200 dollars each plus all the food and drink they wanted for their compliance. One of my friend's considered this for a moment before telling me if she were a cop she'd be the most corrupt person ever and would probably take bribes for just about anything. Um...okay.
-My roommate and I just got back from a deserted parking lot (notice the time stamp on this thing) where we picked up a friend who had driven their drunk, run out of gas, been unable to get her key out of the ignition, and had passed out on the steering wheel. When she called to ask us what was wrong with her car I said, “So-and-so, is the car in park?” She told me it was. Of course the car was not in park, which was the reason the keys wouldn’t come out of the ignition. Apparently she just thought I was asking if the car was moving. I ended up driving for the first time in North Carolina tonight, sans driver’s license and, unfortunately, a bra.
-We had to get gas to move So-and-so’s car so Roomie and I went to a gas station and filled up a plastic container to bring back to her car. After getting her car working again we drove the poor thing back to the gas station to fill it up. The attendant came on over the speaker and asked, “Which one of you young ladies ran out of gas?” Roomie and I pointed at So-and-so. “Don’t you know, ma’am, that ‘E’ stand for empty, not 'goes everywhere.'”
Hahaha. Silly gas station man.
-Roomie and I just had wings delivered. Afterwards she accused me of being a pig not for eating too much chicken, but for hogging the moist towel-ette.
*
And these are just a few.