A little more personal letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
Will I ever find love?
I suppose everyone feels like I do right now at some point, but I really, really do not see myself finding the right person for me. I am so picky, and can be so...weird sometimes. My favorite time is when I'm alone. Even in my relationships in the past, sometimes I did not want to be around those guys. It wasn't usually them; it was just me wanting to be by myself.
Will I find someone who repects that?
Forget finding someone who thinks like that, will I ever find anyone at all?? I find it so depressing that I've pretty much been single for a year, and everyone else has moved on completely. As far as I know. I don't talk to any of those past relationships. Some of them I miss. I miss them as people, as my friends. But they don't care. I'm just stupid. I guess it's good that I don't talk to them, because I find when I do, it tends to hold me back from moving on.
Back to me being alone forever...what if I really am? I have been thinking about this lately. Not really in a depressing way. Not in a I feel sorry for myself way. In a realistic way. Do married people get better tax breaks? What if I don't have kids? I don't even know if I really do want kids, but it is definitely not an option if I never marry.
Douglass proclaimed to me two weeks ago that she is never getting married, and that it doesn't scare her. Wow, she is brave.
There are so many things I love about relationships, what if I never experience them again? OR, how many bad relationships will I have to go through to realize that I should just settle for being alone?
I know I'm not really alone; I have my friends. But you know what I mean.
I am fairly certain that I will not meet "the love of my life" (I hate this term, because it scares me, because I don't think he exists) here at CMU. In fact, I would probably bet on it, because even though there are 19,000 and some students here on campus, I really don't have the time or energy to go out and meet them.
But then where will I meet him? That brings in the larger question, where the hell is my life going? I really don't know right now. And if I don't know, then it probably isn't going to happen.
Why do I waste my time thinking about these things when clearly it is pointless? I suppose to try to be amusing, and also, just because I wouldn't be me if I weren't freaking out, right?
Thanks for listening Santa. And please, I know it might be tough to get me what I really want for Christmas, but if you could, please give me some kind of hope.
love
Alison/Calvin
Will I ever find love?
I suppose everyone feels like I do right now at some point, but I really, really do not see myself finding the right person for me. I am so picky, and can be so...weird sometimes. My favorite time is when I'm alone. Even in my relationships in the past, sometimes I did not want to be around those guys. It wasn't usually them; it was just me wanting to be by myself.
Will I find someone who repects that?
Forget finding someone who thinks like that, will I ever find anyone at all?? I find it so depressing that I've pretty much been single for a year, and everyone else has moved on completely. As far as I know. I don't talk to any of those past relationships. Some of them I miss. I miss them as people, as my friends. But they don't care. I'm just stupid. I guess it's good that I don't talk to them, because I find when I do, it tends to hold me back from moving on.
Back to me being alone forever...what if I really am? I have been thinking about this lately. Not really in a depressing way. Not in a I feel sorry for myself way. In a realistic way. Do married people get better tax breaks? What if I don't have kids? I don't even know if I really do want kids, but it is definitely not an option if I never marry.
Douglass proclaimed to me two weeks ago that she is never getting married, and that it doesn't scare her. Wow, she is brave.
There are so many things I love about relationships, what if I never experience them again? OR, how many bad relationships will I have to go through to realize that I should just settle for being alone?
I know I'm not really alone; I have my friends. But you know what I mean.
I am fairly certain that I will not meet "the love of my life" (I hate this term, because it scares me, because I don't think he exists) here at CMU. In fact, I would probably bet on it, because even though there are 19,000 and some students here on campus, I really don't have the time or energy to go out and meet them.
But then where will I meet him? That brings in the larger question, where the hell is my life going? I really don't know right now. And if I don't know, then it probably isn't going to happen.
Why do I waste my time thinking about these things when clearly it is pointless? I suppose to try to be amusing, and also, just because I wouldn't be me if I weren't freaking out, right?
Thanks for listening Santa. And please, I know it might be tough to get me what I really want for Christmas, but if you could, please give me some kind of hope.
love
Alison/Calvin