The New Victorians
I have to do something about this problem. I know the reason I haven't had sex is my fault. I know that I have been too scared. I know that my parents raised me too well. I know that I have been scared. I want some woman to be like a man and come force me to deal with this problem. I want some woman to take off all my clothes and hold my shivering body and tell me that she wants me, so that I don't have to deal with this fear anymore.
Nobody is liberated enough. I know women that I could have, but I also know that as soon as I do, they have all these expectations of me- expectations of how we have to act, that we have to be together forever, that we now have obligations towards each other, etc, etc. I'm scared of hurting women and they're scared of being considered a slut by others and society, or maybe they're scared of men. I'm not sure. Society makes me sick.
We watched a show on the history of sex. The Romans and Eastern cultures knew what was up. Sexuality was accepted and discussed. Judeo religion has made this awful, frustrated, rape-filled society. People wouldn't rape, kill, start wars, watch porn, or sell sex if people were having sex, if sex was not a private matter. People have wanted and done the same things for thousands of years. Why do we think anything has changed? The christians started repression of sex because of the monks. The monks thought that abstinence (not only in sex) and asceticism were healthy expressions of piousness. That holding back what was inherently human would make you holier. The less human you were, the more perfect you were. So, you have sexually repressed clergymen writing the rules. Some people believe that the chastity rules for monks was actually a political move for control by some other higher ups. It was never a mainstream rule for christians until later. So you had repressed monks who couldn't get any making the rules for the rest of humanity. People are still the same. Western society is still christian society! Jesus fucking christ! No wonder people kill. Watch sex on TV all day, but you can't have it, can't talk about it, it's wrong.
I know this is my problem. I want to be some kind of feminist and want to, at this point, fuck everything I see. I'm too feminine and I know it. I'm too scared to be yet another man who only makes the point of noticing your body. I can't do this. I need to drain my mind of everything. People, and myself, need to be animals. Knowledge is just a fucking needless burden.
During this show about sex, they showed a segment about scientists studying parts of the brain which are activated when aroused. They scanned a man's brain while he watched porn. They came to the conclusion that when aroused, certain parts of the brain which control judgement are shut off. Paraphrased, this means, "When you're horny, you can't think." Yeah??? This is millions of dollars worth of research and tax dollars!! This is science! Humans are so fucking bored. Civilization is so stupid.
Stop believing that science is a positive force. Stop believing that statistics and empirical evidence are the only truths of life. Science is exactly the same as religion: scared people trying to figure out where they came from and where they will go with no possible way to ever prove it.
Everything you know is wrong.
I am ready to stop thinking about this. I'm ready to stop talking about this. People are sick of hearing me, I know it. I know I can't blame anybody but myself. I can't even blame this society of New Victorians. If I want to make love, I need to grab myself by the balls and tell someone that is what I want. I must be unafraid of rejection and disregard any attempts to make me feel like I'm a terrible man, like I'm oversexed, like I'm a pervert, like that's all I want in life. Maybe someone will tell me this, but I know the truth. I'm a goddamn great person and a good man.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Nobody is liberated enough. I know women that I could have, but I also know that as soon as I do, they have all these expectations of me- expectations of how we have to act, that we have to be together forever, that we now have obligations towards each other, etc, etc. I'm scared of hurting women and they're scared of being considered a slut by others and society, or maybe they're scared of men. I'm not sure. Society makes me sick.
We watched a show on the history of sex. The Romans and Eastern cultures knew what was up. Sexuality was accepted and discussed. Judeo religion has made this awful, frustrated, rape-filled society. People wouldn't rape, kill, start wars, watch porn, or sell sex if people were having sex, if sex was not a private matter. People have wanted and done the same things for thousands of years. Why do we think anything has changed? The christians started repression of sex because of the monks. The monks thought that abstinence (not only in sex) and asceticism were healthy expressions of piousness. That holding back what was inherently human would make you holier. The less human you were, the more perfect you were. So, you have sexually repressed clergymen writing the rules. Some people believe that the chastity rules for monks was actually a political move for control by some other higher ups. It was never a mainstream rule for christians until later. So you had repressed monks who couldn't get any making the rules for the rest of humanity. People are still the same. Western society is still christian society! Jesus fucking christ! No wonder people kill. Watch sex on TV all day, but you can't have it, can't talk about it, it's wrong.
I know this is my problem. I want to be some kind of feminist and want to, at this point, fuck everything I see. I'm too feminine and I know it. I'm too scared to be yet another man who only makes the point of noticing your body. I can't do this. I need to drain my mind of everything. People, and myself, need to be animals. Knowledge is just a fucking needless burden.
During this show about sex, they showed a segment about scientists studying parts of the brain which are activated when aroused. They scanned a man's brain while he watched porn. They came to the conclusion that when aroused, certain parts of the brain which control judgement are shut off. Paraphrased, this means, "When you're horny, you can't think." Yeah??? This is millions of dollars worth of research and tax dollars!! This is science! Humans are so fucking bored. Civilization is so stupid.
Stop believing that science is a positive force. Stop believing that statistics and empirical evidence are the only truths of life. Science is exactly the same as religion: scared people trying to figure out where they came from and where they will go with no possible way to ever prove it.
Everything you know is wrong.
I am ready to stop thinking about this. I'm ready to stop talking about this. People are sick of hearing me, I know it. I know I can't blame anybody but myself. I can't even blame this society of New Victorians. If I want to make love, I need to grab myself by the balls and tell someone that is what I want. I must be unafraid of rejection and disregard any attempts to make me feel like I'm a terrible man, like I'm oversexed, like I'm a pervert, like that's all I want in life. Maybe someone will tell me this, but I know the truth. I'm a goddamn great person and a good man.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK