Ramblings
I am stressed out once again....I feel so bad about being such a burden on my man....he is totally supporting me and now he is starting to feel the stresses of having a dependant.....I try to listen to his woes and all it does it destroy me....I cry my eyes out....then I beat myself up for seeming selfish....I dont think that he sees it as me being selfish, but thats how I feel....I cry for him and of course because I feel sorry for myself, because I am jobless and have never felt more worthless in my life....which is hard to believe, but its true....Kevin has been so supportive and cant imagine how that must be destroying him inside, having to deal with his own problems, with my shit on top of it all....I feel so bad....I know we will always have some problems, I just wish I wasnt the brunt of the problem, if it were outside factors, I would be fine....I had a nother call last night for a job, I called this morning and the girl who called me wont be in until this afternoon...we shall see...on to brighter topics....we are going camping soon and my little mattikins is coming with us, and the best part of it is, my mom might let us use her van...woohoo...of course Kevin isnt comfortable with that, he owuld rather rent a van....I have to do some serious convincing....makes ense to me, we are bringing two kids with us and her van has the dvd player in it, and its a 4 and a half hour drive....makes sense to me...we shall see...I cant wait to go....YAY camping....