What I did instead of my homework
A funny day at teh beach wif Kinnif and Ellif.
Hugo wore a look of long-suffering resignation. He'd carefully parked his mother's grey Toyota in a handicapped spot; if there was anyone in the world more handicapped than Ellif he pitied the poor bastard stuck looking after whoeveritwas. He opened the rear-left car door and stepped back, casting his eyes skyward. He winced. Blue sky, a few frothy clouds, hammerfist sun. Somebody had stolen his shades, and wore them on the top of his head.
Somebody tumbled out of the car like a broken-legged terrier. Ellif. Delicately curled hair, glossy and soft, an expression of happy idiocy, teeth like a can-opener. Hu's shades on top of his head. Hugo eyed the shades, slid his gaze down to Ellif's only article of clothing: swimming trunks a size too large, lime green. Covered in; yellow suns, orange lightningbolts, blue beachballs. The crowning touch-- on one asscheek, a giant pink starfish. Hugo pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Fquee!" said Ellif. Hugo darted forward to catch his wrist, holding it like a leash as Ellif strained towards the hot sand and glittering blue ocean, the white filigree foam on the waves. There was movement in the trunks' sole pocket; a white-whiskered muzzle topped with a beady pair of uncoordinated eyes poked through. The whiskers gave a disinterested twitch.
"I wish you'd get rid of that rat," Hugo groused, leaning back against Ellif's pull. Bucephalus eyed Hugo. One of the eyes did, at any rate.
Ellif spun on his heel, his eyes widening to their full extent. "Noooooo!" They filled with tears. Ellif placed his free hand lightly over the pocket's occupant. "He'f not a rat! Fay you're forry. He'f a hamfter."
"I was talking about you."
The teeth shone in the sun, the eyes were brim-full of tears.
"Oh, fer fuck's sake-- fine. I'm sorry. He's a splendid hamster. Stop crying!"
Hugo shook his head at how quickly the tears cleared. Ellif bumped his foreteeth against Hugo's cheek and resumed his attempt to dash into the water. Could he even swim? Hugo considered letting him-- maybe the rat would drown. Except the wailing would be unbearable. Maybe he could replace the rat with a rolled-up sock with button eyes sewn on--
"Ellif!" came a happy cry. Ellif wiggled his wrist free of Hugo's grasp and darted across the gleaming sand to a tall, lanky and be-spectacled figure. They embraced, rocking like happy children. Hugo thought his eyes would stick if he rolled them any harder, and all he'd see 'till he died would be the backs of his eyesockets.
Those eyeblinding shorts. Ellif looked like a doctor's display skeleton covered with latex and dressed like a tourist by a bored intern. Kinnif's hair shone and his round spectacles reflected the sun like headlamps.
"Yay! Kinnif!" Ellif said. Kinnif squeaked. He wore a wrist-length rashguard and shiny purple ski pants. Trailing behind Kinnif was a tired-looking redhead in blue trunks and a "Paint Naked" t-shirt. He carried a picnic basket and a pair of beach towels, and he had an enormous tangerine umbrella over one shoulder. He nodded to Hugo and slung an arm over Kinnif's shoulders, urging him closer to the water. Zip zip zip, went the ski pants.
Hugo's hands were empty. He followed behind and scuffed his bare feet through hot cream-coloured sand. The air was rendolent with salt, the smug calls of seagulls, the high plaintive voices of terns.
Hugo held the umbrella as Micah laid the towels out, and then set and opened the umbrella while Micah tried to pry Ellif and Kinnif out of the picnic basket. Hugo plonked down on one of the towels and dusted his feet off. Kinnif and Ellif sprawled on the other blanket, while Micah settled on his end of the 'adults' blanket and massaged his temples.
On Kinnif's shoulder was a chameleon. It sat on the black of Kinnif's rashguard, held in place by packing tape, and its mutable hide was a cool and reassuring blue. "Micaaaaaah," said Kinnif. "Would you put funfcreen on my nofe? Too much fun makef you wrinkly!"
The chameleon blinked slow eyes, and it's tail faded to purple. The hamster yawned hugely, exposing the pink inside of its mouth and its long yellow teeth, and leapt from Ellif's pocket. It nosed 'round the edge of the blanket, scuttled out onto the sand, and began to dig.
"Ahh! Bufeffaluf!" Ellif wailed, and dove for the hamster. All that was visible was the fuzzy behind and the tiny pink tail, little feet flinging sand. The hamster vanished. Ellif let out a miserable keening noise and began scrabbling in the sand; Kinnif blinked at him and began clamouring for a spade; Micah didn't have one.
Hugo felt like he'd been dumped into a jar of ice water. The rat was gone forever and Ellif would be inconsolable and Hugo would be forced to dress in a hamster suit to get some quiet--
Ellif was making whimpering noises, his mouth screwed up around those enormous teeth. He was on his knees flinging sand onto the blanket and calling the hamster. Hu rubbed his forehead. He couldn't believe it. He looked away.
Micah was on his knees, combing his fingers through the sand. He shot Hugo a dirty look and went back to his attempts at convincing Kinnif that no, he didn't have a shovel and even if he did it might not do any good and no he wasn't going to drive home to get one because by the time he got back the hamster would be in the Bahamas. Hugo rolled his eyes and flopped over on his back. Fucking hamster. Wasn't it enough that he'd hauled Ellif and all of his brain damage to the beach?
"Hu! Hugoooo. I can't find my hamfter. Help!"
Hugo groaned and threw an arm over his eyes. Fucking hell.
"Huuuu!" A wail.
Grumbling, Hu rolled over and began patting the blankets; after a moment of patting (and telling Ellif to shut up), he felt movement. He stuck his hand under the blanket to grab the hamster. The rat bit him, sank its long yellow teeth into the pad of his forefinger. He swore, shoved his other hand under the blanket to grab the little beast around its ribs, and dragged it out, still attached to his finger. He swore he could feel its teeth grind together in his flesh.
"Get it off!"
Bucephalus clamped its jaw a little tighter; one eye glittered at Hu as the other stared off over his shoulder. The crinkled ears twitched, with their dark flecks and white tufts of hair and the notch out of the left one. Ellif let out a happy cry and draped himself over Hu's shoulder, rubbing his wet face on the sleeve of Hu's shirt.
"Ugh," Hu said, teeth gritted. Ellif stroked a finger over the hamster's head, and it reluctantly released Hu.
It took some coaxing to get Ellif off of Hu's shoulder. The rest of the stay at the beach consisted of Ellif whining about fand in his fwimfuit and not letting go of the hamster, and of Micah glancing continually at his watch as if he knew when he'd get Kinnith back, and Kinnif whining about a sunburn and refusing to go more than ankle-deep into the ocean. Ellif splashed about in the surf for a bit, giggling; he left Bucephalus with Hugo.
Fucking rat bit him three times.
END
Hugo wore a look of long-suffering resignation. He'd carefully parked his mother's grey Toyota in a handicapped spot; if there was anyone in the world more handicapped than Ellif he pitied the poor bastard stuck looking after whoeveritwas. He opened the rear-left car door and stepped back, casting his eyes skyward. He winced. Blue sky, a few frothy clouds, hammerfist sun. Somebody had stolen his shades, and wore them on the top of his head.
Somebody tumbled out of the car like a broken-legged terrier. Ellif. Delicately curled hair, glossy and soft, an expression of happy idiocy, teeth like a can-opener. Hu's shades on top of his head. Hugo eyed the shades, slid his gaze down to Ellif's only article of clothing: swimming trunks a size too large, lime green. Covered in; yellow suns, orange lightningbolts, blue beachballs. The crowning touch-- on one asscheek, a giant pink starfish. Hugo pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Fquee!" said Ellif. Hugo darted forward to catch his wrist, holding it like a leash as Ellif strained towards the hot sand and glittering blue ocean, the white filigree foam on the waves. There was movement in the trunks' sole pocket; a white-whiskered muzzle topped with a beady pair of uncoordinated eyes poked through. The whiskers gave a disinterested twitch.
"I wish you'd get rid of that rat," Hugo groused, leaning back against Ellif's pull. Bucephalus eyed Hugo. One of the eyes did, at any rate.
Ellif spun on his heel, his eyes widening to their full extent. "Noooooo!" They filled with tears. Ellif placed his free hand lightly over the pocket's occupant. "He'f not a rat! Fay you're forry. He'f a hamfter."
"I was talking about you."
The teeth shone in the sun, the eyes were brim-full of tears.
"Oh, fer fuck's sake-- fine. I'm sorry. He's a splendid hamster. Stop crying!"
Hugo shook his head at how quickly the tears cleared. Ellif bumped his foreteeth against Hugo's cheek and resumed his attempt to dash into the water. Could he even swim? Hugo considered letting him-- maybe the rat would drown. Except the wailing would be unbearable. Maybe he could replace the rat with a rolled-up sock with button eyes sewn on--
"Ellif!" came a happy cry. Ellif wiggled his wrist free of Hugo's grasp and darted across the gleaming sand to a tall, lanky and be-spectacled figure. They embraced, rocking like happy children. Hugo thought his eyes would stick if he rolled them any harder, and all he'd see 'till he died would be the backs of his eyesockets.
Those eyeblinding shorts. Ellif looked like a doctor's display skeleton covered with latex and dressed like a tourist by a bored intern. Kinnif's hair shone and his round spectacles reflected the sun like headlamps.
"Yay! Kinnif!" Ellif said. Kinnif squeaked. He wore a wrist-length rashguard and shiny purple ski pants. Trailing behind Kinnif was a tired-looking redhead in blue trunks and a "Paint Naked" t-shirt. He carried a picnic basket and a pair of beach towels, and he had an enormous tangerine umbrella over one shoulder. He nodded to Hugo and slung an arm over Kinnif's shoulders, urging him closer to the water. Zip zip zip, went the ski pants.
Hugo's hands were empty. He followed behind and scuffed his bare feet through hot cream-coloured sand. The air was rendolent with salt, the smug calls of seagulls, the high plaintive voices of terns.
Hugo held the umbrella as Micah laid the towels out, and then set and opened the umbrella while Micah tried to pry Ellif and Kinnif out of the picnic basket. Hugo plonked down on one of the towels and dusted his feet off. Kinnif and Ellif sprawled on the other blanket, while Micah settled on his end of the 'adults' blanket and massaged his temples.
On Kinnif's shoulder was a chameleon. It sat on the black of Kinnif's rashguard, held in place by packing tape, and its mutable hide was a cool and reassuring blue. "Micaaaaaah," said Kinnif. "Would you put funfcreen on my nofe? Too much fun makef you wrinkly!"
The chameleon blinked slow eyes, and it's tail faded to purple. The hamster yawned hugely, exposing the pink inside of its mouth and its long yellow teeth, and leapt from Ellif's pocket. It nosed 'round the edge of the blanket, scuttled out onto the sand, and began to dig.
"Ahh! Bufeffaluf!" Ellif wailed, and dove for the hamster. All that was visible was the fuzzy behind and the tiny pink tail, little feet flinging sand. The hamster vanished. Ellif let out a miserable keening noise and began scrabbling in the sand; Kinnif blinked at him and began clamouring for a spade; Micah didn't have one.
Hugo felt like he'd been dumped into a jar of ice water. The rat was gone forever and Ellif would be inconsolable and Hugo would be forced to dress in a hamster suit to get some quiet--
Ellif was making whimpering noises, his mouth screwed up around those enormous teeth. He was on his knees flinging sand onto the blanket and calling the hamster. Hu rubbed his forehead. He couldn't believe it. He looked away.
Micah was on his knees, combing his fingers through the sand. He shot Hugo a dirty look and went back to his attempts at convincing Kinnif that no, he didn't have a shovel and even if he did it might not do any good and no he wasn't going to drive home to get one because by the time he got back the hamster would be in the Bahamas. Hugo rolled his eyes and flopped over on his back. Fucking hamster. Wasn't it enough that he'd hauled Ellif and all of his brain damage to the beach?
"Hu! Hugoooo. I can't find my hamfter. Help!"
Hugo groaned and threw an arm over his eyes. Fucking hell.
"Huuuu!" A wail.
Grumbling, Hu rolled over and began patting the blankets; after a moment of patting (and telling Ellif to shut up), he felt movement. He stuck his hand under the blanket to grab the hamster. The rat bit him, sank its long yellow teeth into the pad of his forefinger. He swore, shoved his other hand under the blanket to grab the little beast around its ribs, and dragged it out, still attached to his finger. He swore he could feel its teeth grind together in his flesh.
"Get it off!"
Bucephalus clamped its jaw a little tighter; one eye glittered at Hu as the other stared off over his shoulder. The crinkled ears twitched, with their dark flecks and white tufts of hair and the notch out of the left one. Ellif let out a happy cry and draped himself over Hu's shoulder, rubbing his wet face on the sleeve of Hu's shirt.
"Ugh," Hu said, teeth gritted. Ellif stroked a finger over the hamster's head, and it reluctantly released Hu.
It took some coaxing to get Ellif off of Hu's shoulder. The rest of the stay at the beach consisted of Ellif whining about fand in his fwimfuit and not letting go of the hamster, and of Micah glancing continually at his watch as if he knew when he'd get Kinnith back, and Kinnif whining about a sunburn and refusing to go more than ankle-deep into the ocean. Ellif splashed about in the surf for a bit, giggling; he left Bucephalus with Hugo.
Fucking rat bit him three times.
END