(no subject)
My nails, they are long. This is going to take me a while to type, I think.
Not much of great import to share. Went out to TGIFriday's with the coworkers Saturday night. There was much laughter. And much eating. I spent $23 on food. Which is mind-blowing, because I've been living off the goddamned dollar menu for the past month. But uh...$20 of that was my mother's anyway. She left me $100, like she was going to be gone forever, and I was going to need to replace an expensive vase or something after my drunk friends broke it... Oh, not to mention the fact that...I HAVE MONEY. I mean, not a lot. But she says it's for "whatever you need." Well...I buy "whatever I need" with the money in my account all the time. So it's no different whether she's around or not.
She...really needs to stop throwing money at me. Yes, I'm aware this is entirely strange for a poor person to be saying. Yes, my funds are dwindling. Rapidly. Yes, I have a lot of bills. But I'm doing my damnedest to cover 75% of them on my own right now because I don't like relying upon others. She tells me that's her job, because she's my mother, yada yada... No, sorry. I'm an adult. It's my job. And I will take care of it until I no longer can. I'm waiting to find out how much of a hit I'm going to take on taxes if I cash in my life insurance (and re-invest half of it, because my mother will kill me otherwise). Once I can get that money, I'll pay some stuff off, and it'll be much easier. And really, something needs to come through on the job front before, say, October. Or I will be, literally, broke.
Related: I applied for 17 jobs last night. That's 17. I appled for everything under the fucking sun, honestly. There are a couple that would be really cool, a couple that I wouldn't mind, and a couple that I'd really prefer not to do, but... They're jobs. I'll likely do something destructive in a rage if I don't get at least one phone call. So I'm taking suggestions, since I'm not expecting anything. I'm off tomorrow, and I'm going to do a little more searching, like on CraigsList and Monster (even though Monster never has anything). But I swear to @god, if I apply for 25 jobs in three days and get no interviews... I don't even know.
I ran into my old kindergarten teacher yesterday. Mindfuck, right? She was trying to tell me to go back to school. Even to get a certificate in something to make myself more marketable. But I informed her that money is an issue, and I can't really afford it right now. She said I could try going to Enfield adult education, where courses are only $50. Problem being...they don't issue anything official. And honestly, there's nothing they offer that I can't learn on my own without the hassle. Enfield adult ed is full of two things: High school dropouts and senior citizens. It's a magnified version of the same crap I went through in college, and the main reason I don't really want to go to grad school. I just can't handle the classroom experience. All told, I spent 19 years in school. And I spent all 19 bored, sick of everyone else's crap, and finding excuses not to be there because I learned better on my own. I don't want to go back to that. Plus at this point, I'm not sure any more education is going to help me out all that much in the job market. I still don't want to do anything that's hugely marketable in this economy, so I'm going to be fucked no matter what. Why waste my time and money?
Um, on a less "fuck my life" note, but only slightly... I spent the day with my mother yesterday. At Wal-Mart. I've been looking for a new electric razor, and I still had part of a gift card, so...why not? I didn't find one. But I did find a car stereo, heh. No, I didn't buy it. It was only $100, but I don't think they even had any left. Then when they called someone to help, no one showed up. So we got sick of waiting and left. Now, if you can imagine it... My mother has less patience than I do. So she was much more bothered by this than I was. I was very "whatever" about it. She, however, decided to lay into the cashier when we were checking out about their poor customer service. And while she was doing so, I calmly told her to lay off, but she...didn't. So as we were leaving, I got pretty heated and told her that, as someone who gets shit on every day for things that aren't my fault, I know for a fact that not only does the cashier not appreciate it, but she also doesn't care and can't do anything about it. Trust me, her silence said everything. I know that silence. I do it all the time. So it's not fair to take it out on her. I wasn't mad enough to get a manager (it's fucking Wal-Mart...do you expect to get your ass kissed?), and this was for me, so if it isn't a big deal in my eyes...it's not a big deal and let it go. And my mother's response was to tell me to shut the fuck up, and if I didn't like it I could walk home. Um, okay. Sorry I care. She gets like that whenever I have a strong feeling about something and it drives me nuts. It's like I can't stand up for anything without her getting irrationally offended that I think for myself. It's obnoxious.
Anyway. Went to the endocrinologist today. Yay, more money! I was forced to get on the scale for the first time in a while, and um...yeah, no more eating for me. I gained 6 lbs. in a week. I know I've been lazy and eating really badly, but I'm just...not in the greatest of moods lately. I'm trying, really. I'm just a little down. Hopefully it'll work itself out and I'll be a little more motivated to not eat everything put in front of me, but right now I'm very blah. But...that's beside the point. I asked him about my blood sugar, and he said he last checked it in February, an hour after I ate, and it was 86. Which is on the low side of average, but average nonetheless. He said he'd check again this time, but it's been consistently between 80 and 90 every time in the past couple years (the Metformin undoubtedly plays a role in this, but my "insulin resistance" must not have been that bad in the first place for my glucose levels to be this low on 500mg daily when he'd previously suggested I take 1500). So the likelihood of that being related to my current symptoms is very low. (Sidenote: Seriously, how do I defy every "overweight person" health stereotype? Low blood pressure, low cholesterol, average blood sugar... Tell me I'm unhealthy. Bring it on.)
Okay, really, self? I said I had nothing important to say, then went on forever. Awesome.
I'm going to bed soon. Haven't gotten quite enough sleep over the past couple days. That's enough, 7AM trucks.
Not much of great import to share. Went out to TGIFriday's with the coworkers Saturday night. There was much laughter. And much eating. I spent $23 on food. Which is mind-blowing, because I've been living off the goddamned dollar menu for the past month. But uh...$20 of that was my mother's anyway. She left me $100, like she was going to be gone forever, and I was going to need to replace an expensive vase or something after my drunk friends broke it... Oh, not to mention the fact that...I HAVE MONEY. I mean, not a lot. But she says it's for "whatever you need." Well...I buy "whatever I need" with the money in my account all the time. So it's no different whether she's around or not.
She...really needs to stop throwing money at me. Yes, I'm aware this is entirely strange for a poor person to be saying. Yes, my funds are dwindling. Rapidly. Yes, I have a lot of bills. But I'm doing my damnedest to cover 75% of them on my own right now because I don't like relying upon others. She tells me that's her job, because she's my mother, yada yada... No, sorry. I'm an adult. It's my job. And I will take care of it until I no longer can. I'm waiting to find out how much of a hit I'm going to take on taxes if I cash in my life insurance (and re-invest half of it, because my mother will kill me otherwise). Once I can get that money, I'll pay some stuff off, and it'll be much easier. And really, something needs to come through on the job front before, say, October. Or I will be, literally, broke.
Related: I applied for 17 jobs last night. That's 17. I appled for everything under the fucking sun, honestly. There are a couple that would be really cool, a couple that I wouldn't mind, and a couple that I'd really prefer not to do, but... They're jobs. I'll likely do something destructive in a rage if I don't get at least one phone call. So I'm taking suggestions, since I'm not expecting anything. I'm off tomorrow, and I'm going to do a little more searching, like on CraigsList and Monster (even though Monster never has anything). But I swear to @god, if I apply for 25 jobs in three days and get no interviews... I don't even know.
I ran into my old kindergarten teacher yesterday. Mindfuck, right? She was trying to tell me to go back to school. Even to get a certificate in something to make myself more marketable. But I informed her that money is an issue, and I can't really afford it right now. She said I could try going to Enfield adult education, where courses are only $50. Problem being...they don't issue anything official. And honestly, there's nothing they offer that I can't learn on my own without the hassle. Enfield adult ed is full of two things: High school dropouts and senior citizens. It's a magnified version of the same crap I went through in college, and the main reason I don't really want to go to grad school. I just can't handle the classroom experience. All told, I spent 19 years in school. And I spent all 19 bored, sick of everyone else's crap, and finding excuses not to be there because I learned better on my own. I don't want to go back to that. Plus at this point, I'm not sure any more education is going to help me out all that much in the job market. I still don't want to do anything that's hugely marketable in this economy, so I'm going to be fucked no matter what. Why waste my time and money?
Um, on a less "fuck my life" note, but only slightly... I spent the day with my mother yesterday. At Wal-Mart. I've been looking for a new electric razor, and I still had part of a gift card, so...why not? I didn't find one. But I did find a car stereo, heh. No, I didn't buy it. It was only $100, but I don't think they even had any left. Then when they called someone to help, no one showed up. So we got sick of waiting and left. Now, if you can imagine it... My mother has less patience than I do. So she was much more bothered by this than I was. I was very "whatever" about it. She, however, decided to lay into the cashier when we were checking out about their poor customer service. And while she was doing so, I calmly told her to lay off, but she...didn't. So as we were leaving, I got pretty heated and told her that, as someone who gets shit on every day for things that aren't my fault, I know for a fact that not only does the cashier not appreciate it, but she also doesn't care and can't do anything about it. Trust me, her silence said everything. I know that silence. I do it all the time. So it's not fair to take it out on her. I wasn't mad enough to get a manager (it's fucking Wal-Mart...do you expect to get your ass kissed?), and this was for me, so if it isn't a big deal in my eyes...it's not a big deal and let it go. And my mother's response was to tell me to shut the fuck up, and if I didn't like it I could walk home. Um, okay. Sorry I care. She gets like that whenever I have a strong feeling about something and it drives me nuts. It's like I can't stand up for anything without her getting irrationally offended that I think for myself. It's obnoxious.
Anyway. Went to the endocrinologist today. Yay, more money! I was forced to get on the scale for the first time in a while, and um...yeah, no more eating for me. I gained 6 lbs. in a week. I know I've been lazy and eating really badly, but I'm just...not in the greatest of moods lately. I'm trying, really. I'm just a little down. Hopefully it'll work itself out and I'll be a little more motivated to not eat everything put in front of me, but right now I'm very blah. But...that's beside the point. I asked him about my blood sugar, and he said he last checked it in February, an hour after I ate, and it was 86. Which is on the low side of average, but average nonetheless. He said he'd check again this time, but it's been consistently between 80 and 90 every time in the past couple years (the Metformin undoubtedly plays a role in this, but my "insulin resistance" must not have been that bad in the first place for my glucose levels to be this low on 500mg daily when he'd previously suggested I take 1500). So the likelihood of that being related to my current symptoms is very low. (Sidenote: Seriously, how do I defy every "overweight person" health stereotype? Low blood pressure, low cholesterol, average blood sugar... Tell me I'm unhealthy. Bring it on.)
Okay, really, self? I said I had nothing important to say, then went on forever. Awesome.
I'm going to bed soon. Haven't gotten quite enough sleep over the past couple days. That's enough, 7AM trucks.