On Sharing
One of the things we learn early on in life is that sharing is only good if other people also share, right? After all, if I give half my pie to Bob, but Bob doesn't share his ice-cream with me, I end up with fewer delicious calories.
Later, we may learn that sharing can be an end in itself. Not only do I get to feel a warm glow when I give Bob some of the pie that he's been eyeing up ever since I unwrapped it, but we can talk about the pie afterwards. The pie becomes a shared experience, something we can both remember fondly, and part of the rich tapestry of nostalgia that binds all the best lifelong friendships.
Things can go wrong, though. If I take a massive share of Bob's ice-cream and give only a tiny bit of my pie, or if Bob feels like he has to give me part of his lunch every day from now on, things can get rocky. Worse, if I give Bob half of my pie and he has nothing of his own to share, tensions may develop even if I have surplus pie and don't mind at all giving some away. And what happens if the pie is worth ten times what the ice-cream is? Or I don't want the ice-cream but feel I have to take it after sharing my pie?
I think a lot of these problems stem from the feeling that if you receive something, you have to give something. Those of you who've attended one of my birthday parties in the past will know that I tend to discourage gift giving just for the sake of it. If you stumble across something you think I'd like, then yay! Stuff! But I think the world would be a better place if we had less of a reciprocity thing going on and were more inclined to giving for the sake of it.
Mind you, I am a bit of a hippy.
I'll admit that presents weren't foremost in my mind when I started this post, though. I've been thinking a lot about polyamoury and what it really means for me, lately. I know that most of the people reading this are monogamous and perfectly happy, but I'm becoming more and more aware of the surprising ways in which poly and...erm... mono? mony? are similar, and the less surprising ways in which they're different. More on that, perhaps, in a later post. Which you don't have to read if you don't want to.
Later, we may learn that sharing can be an end in itself. Not only do I get to feel a warm glow when I give Bob some of the pie that he's been eyeing up ever since I unwrapped it, but we can talk about the pie afterwards. The pie becomes a shared experience, something we can both remember fondly, and part of the rich tapestry of nostalgia that binds all the best lifelong friendships.
Things can go wrong, though. If I take a massive share of Bob's ice-cream and give only a tiny bit of my pie, or if Bob feels like he has to give me part of his lunch every day from now on, things can get rocky. Worse, if I give Bob half of my pie and he has nothing of his own to share, tensions may develop even if I have surplus pie and don't mind at all giving some away. And what happens if the pie is worth ten times what the ice-cream is? Or I don't want the ice-cream but feel I have to take it after sharing my pie?
I think a lot of these problems stem from the feeling that if you receive something, you have to give something. Those of you who've attended one of my birthday parties in the past will know that I tend to discourage gift giving just for the sake of it. If you stumble across something you think I'd like, then yay! Stuff! But I think the world would be a better place if we had less of a reciprocity thing going on and were more inclined to giving for the sake of it.
Mind you, I am a bit of a hippy.
I'll admit that presents weren't foremost in my mind when I started this post, though. I've been thinking a lot about polyamoury and what it really means for me, lately. I know that most of the people reading this are monogamous and perfectly happy, but I'm becoming more and more aware of the surprising ways in which poly and...erm... mono? mony? are similar, and the less surprising ways in which they're different. More on that, perhaps, in a later post. Which you don't have to read if you don't want to.