(no subject)
1. Hermit Report
I've really decreased my online presence lately, and have drifted further into a hermit state. It's interesting because the more I spend time reading, the less I actually want to spend blabbering away with people on forums. Another criticism I have of society is that it really encourages a level of intellectual arrogance that I've only recently begun to notice. We're expected to pose as experts on everything, even if we can't possibly be experts, and it's a double-edged sword if you don't conform to this expectation. If I misspeak or I irritate someone with my brashness, I'll be completely pummeled for getting the facts wrong or for being too assertive. But if I just say I don't know, it will be taken as a sign that I must be dumb. Socrates was respected (except by those who wanted to kill him) for realizing he knows nothing; today he probably wouldn't have any followers and would just be scoffed at. I definitely feel that my focus on learning is completely different when I don't do it for the purpose of regurgitating what I've learned on a test or impressing friends with my vast knowledge at a keg party.
I also cut down on my news intake. I used to watch a lot of YouTube news shows, and now I really only watch Alex Jones every once in awhile. I unsubscribed from most of the progressive channels I used to watch. This step was actually the best step for my sanity. I realize that I do not agree with the progressive worldview and venting over it in the comments section is an incredible waste of my time. While I think debate when I was younger helped me to define my views better, I pretty much know what my stances are now; so it's mostly a waste of time to have empty discussions where what I'm saying is being dismissed and vice versa.
I do occasionally tune into the news, and I have been pretty pleased by some things that have happened lately. I was really sweating it, thinking that the left was going to crush on gun control, and they completely got stopped in their tracks. That was like witnessing a miracle! I was seriously waiting for my left-wing friends on FB to gloat and shove it in my face when the universal background checks were passed, but it didn't happen. I also see more nonwhite conservatives getting out there and speaking out against the negative aspects of leftwing ideology. This has been pretty important to me because I am sick of the left practically ghettoizing my life with this "poor, oppressed, 'person of color'" nonsense that they spew.
I hope one day I can go out into the world and not feel like everyone just looks at me like a giant victim in need of handouts and help from the "privileged" white guy. I actually want a colorblind world, though I don't see any so-called liberals trying to help us approach anything close to that, which is disheartening. Every once in awhile, I see instances that show me that colorblindness is possible, but the left just arrogantly scoffs at the idea and tells those of us who favor it that we're basically dumb. So it means a lot to me that multiple people who share my frustrations are speaking out, and many of them are very distinguished. I mean, how many nonwhite people will it take to basically say the same things I'm saying for people to finally see that my complaints are legitimate and that the left needs an attitude change? Of course, I also accept that it may never happen, and I'm prepared to deal with that reality as well. But I am happy to see that I can just take a step back, focus on myself, and look up to see that my prayers are being answered without much effort on my part.
I really feel that this is going to be a great year. The first few years of isolation were tough in places because it does take an adjustment to make the transition from a social life to a solitary life. The biggest problem is that when we're alone, we're completely stuck with ourselves, and you can't distract yourself from your problems. So I spent about one year and a half rehashing all the insecurities that I kept tucked away during my college days. I mean, they were there during my college days, but I could retreat temporarily by going to the GLBT student services office or going to work or doing activities with the few friends I had. But after a year of just being locked mostly in my room, I had no choice but to face all of those problems head on. But now I'm on the other side, and I feel completely purged. I definitely feel a difference in my emotional status. I no longer have bad thoughts that cause stinging internal pains. I can take on a lot of work and not feel stressed out. And I think the best thing is that I can just acknowledge negative feelings when I have them, and I don't feel a need to cover them up or explain them away. They just exist with me but hold no power over me.
Overall, I feel really lucky that I have the opportunity to withdraw from the world and reshape my life in a way that's more suitable to me.
2. Almost Thirty
So I have one more year to go until I am thirty. I really am looking forward to my 30s because I now have the knowledge that I need to make the most of my life. I actually hated being young while I was young. As early as middle school, I didn't really care for my peers or the stupid fads that they seemed to enjoy. And I tried as much as possible to seek out older mentors to spend my time around. Really, it was seeking out the GLB community that led me to hanging out with people my age again. I really feel like my late teens and early 20s were a complete waste of time and wish I would have stuck to my usual ways of ignoring my peers and seeking like-minded friends, regardless of age. But I guess on the other hand, I'll never have a "grass is greener on the other side" moment when I become middle aged. I tried to live up my youth, I realize it's completely overrated, and now I look forward to just making the later years in my life work better.
I've really decreased my online presence lately, and have drifted further into a hermit state. It's interesting because the more I spend time reading, the less I actually want to spend blabbering away with people on forums. Another criticism I have of society is that it really encourages a level of intellectual arrogance that I've only recently begun to notice. We're expected to pose as experts on everything, even if we can't possibly be experts, and it's a double-edged sword if you don't conform to this expectation. If I misspeak or I irritate someone with my brashness, I'll be completely pummeled for getting the facts wrong or for being too assertive. But if I just say I don't know, it will be taken as a sign that I must be dumb. Socrates was respected (except by those who wanted to kill him) for realizing he knows nothing; today he probably wouldn't have any followers and would just be scoffed at. I definitely feel that my focus on learning is completely different when I don't do it for the purpose of regurgitating what I've learned on a test or impressing friends with my vast knowledge at a keg party.
I also cut down on my news intake. I used to watch a lot of YouTube news shows, and now I really only watch Alex Jones every once in awhile. I unsubscribed from most of the progressive channels I used to watch. This step was actually the best step for my sanity. I realize that I do not agree with the progressive worldview and venting over it in the comments section is an incredible waste of my time. While I think debate when I was younger helped me to define my views better, I pretty much know what my stances are now; so it's mostly a waste of time to have empty discussions where what I'm saying is being dismissed and vice versa.
I do occasionally tune into the news, and I have been pretty pleased by some things that have happened lately. I was really sweating it, thinking that the left was going to crush on gun control, and they completely got stopped in their tracks. That was like witnessing a miracle! I was seriously waiting for my left-wing friends on FB to gloat and shove it in my face when the universal background checks were passed, but it didn't happen. I also see more nonwhite conservatives getting out there and speaking out against the negative aspects of leftwing ideology. This has been pretty important to me because I am sick of the left practically ghettoizing my life with this "poor, oppressed, 'person of color'" nonsense that they spew.
I hope one day I can go out into the world and not feel like everyone just looks at me like a giant victim in need of handouts and help from the "privileged" white guy. I actually want a colorblind world, though I don't see any so-called liberals trying to help us approach anything close to that, which is disheartening. Every once in awhile, I see instances that show me that colorblindness is possible, but the left just arrogantly scoffs at the idea and tells those of us who favor it that we're basically dumb. So it means a lot to me that multiple people who share my frustrations are speaking out, and many of them are very distinguished. I mean, how many nonwhite people will it take to basically say the same things I'm saying for people to finally see that my complaints are legitimate and that the left needs an attitude change? Of course, I also accept that it may never happen, and I'm prepared to deal with that reality as well. But I am happy to see that I can just take a step back, focus on myself, and look up to see that my prayers are being answered without much effort on my part.
I really feel that this is going to be a great year. The first few years of isolation were tough in places because it does take an adjustment to make the transition from a social life to a solitary life. The biggest problem is that when we're alone, we're completely stuck with ourselves, and you can't distract yourself from your problems. So I spent about one year and a half rehashing all the insecurities that I kept tucked away during my college days. I mean, they were there during my college days, but I could retreat temporarily by going to the GLBT student services office or going to work or doing activities with the few friends I had. But after a year of just being locked mostly in my room, I had no choice but to face all of those problems head on. But now I'm on the other side, and I feel completely purged. I definitely feel a difference in my emotional status. I no longer have bad thoughts that cause stinging internal pains. I can take on a lot of work and not feel stressed out. And I think the best thing is that I can just acknowledge negative feelings when I have them, and I don't feel a need to cover them up or explain them away. They just exist with me but hold no power over me.
Overall, I feel really lucky that I have the opportunity to withdraw from the world and reshape my life in a way that's more suitable to me.
2. Almost Thirty
So I have one more year to go until I am thirty. I really am looking forward to my 30s because I now have the knowledge that I need to make the most of my life. I actually hated being young while I was young. As early as middle school, I didn't really care for my peers or the stupid fads that they seemed to enjoy. And I tried as much as possible to seek out older mentors to spend my time around. Really, it was seeking out the GLB community that led me to hanging out with people my age again. I really feel like my late teens and early 20s were a complete waste of time and wish I would have stuck to my usual ways of ignoring my peers and seeking like-minded friends, regardless of age. But I guess on the other hand, I'll never have a "grass is greener on the other side" moment when I become middle aged. I tried to live up my youth, I realize it's completely overrated, and now I look forward to just making the later years in my life work better.