Trying to forget
My Horescope today:
It is one thing when the past is close behind, but quite another when it is blocking the future.
I am not the type to base my every day life around a horescope but this one really makes sence. This is actually something I have been striving for, for nearly four months now. It's very difficult. No matter what opportunities come about, I'm always thinking of the ones I wish I could repeat. Its a circle that doesnt seem to end.
The hardest part about my life right now (not that my life is particularly hard) is trying to turn a new leaf. You see in the past there has always been something to fix. When there was a problem, the solution would find me and I would go for it. This time however its difficult because I can't pinpoint exactly what the problem is. So therefore there is no solution to be found as of yet. This is very frustrating. Waiting around for comfort seems to the only thing that works. I just don't think thats right. There has to be mor to it than waiting.
I am a very sensitive person. I know this of myself. It is something about myself that I love and hate at the same time. I love having emotion and expressing it and making other people happy through it, but where there is a high, there is also a low. Because of the fact that my highs are so high, my lows come twice as low as most. It brings me to a standstill at times. I want to be happy, but at times I am afraid to. At a party a while ago I refused to dance because I assumed if I allowed myself that momentary enjoyment the downfall would be enormous. It has happened in the past. So therefore I am become more and more afraid to laugh, dance, sing, smile, or joke around. I continue to do it, but only because I dont think I can live with out it at all. Like I said before, I like being emotional. If for me that means I have to get depressed sometimes than I am willing to do that. I don't want to be afraid of sadness.