..gah
..im so ded..im juss like POW..ded yea well i dunt noe..i dunt think i want to no..i jsus want to go on..i liek journals...journals.are..sexy...interesting..and juss awesome...u get to kidna see the person..ont he outside..rather then the inside..wait er the other way around..no no!...both!..rad rad..well yea..iono..latly ...lil things have ben eetin away at my brain..makin meh crazy ...* burrito *..is makin meh crazy..im so tired..im so tired of puttin on these masks..and forgettin which oens i put on with what ppl..and gettin caughtin my own lies...im a liar..im fake ..im everything i hate..im exactllyw aht i told my self i didnt want to be..im janne....JANNE,,j-to the-a-to the double-n-e..
ne way yea..im a fat loser...fat fat fat...ugly ugly ugl lsoer..that has tried to embrace ehr flaws and make teh bess of them...yet t o only find that the more she tries the more shes killing peoples souls...damn ..i feel like crying...im so horriby...im so...*sigh*..i thought i had a candle for light to i can fidn my path..but ..i find my self still searchin...and..i have no luck...but...i dunt noe..i have an essay due on tuesday and im freekin out...its a personal essay..it has to do with a struggle in ur life..and it has to be personal..and fromt eh dark side of ur mind...and gah i juss...dutn feel liek explainin..listeni to creep by radio head.....i dunt care if it hurts..iw ant a perfect body i want a perfect soul..im currupt..im dirt..im dark cold..tho i may come off as happy and bright..im not..im the one plootin against everyone...im the one u shouldnt trust im the one that has the control issues..im the one that ...i dutn noe.imt he one that was born int he wrogn demension..i have no life..im throwin my life awya no joke..im not smart juss like everyone else i noe...im numb...ne oen liek ben folds five...*brick*..beess song....
i think im going to cry how long is this one going to last.?..im doing what i sed id never do agn..y?...becasue im so desperate and will do ne thing to feel lovef\d?..even if that meens usin sumone...makin them think sumthings there..tho its not...juss suckin the love out of them...juss to in the end throw it froma 10 story buildin and watch it fall and get run over, over and voer agn..juss to walk down and look at it up close then poke at it with a stick...tehn let sum dogs loose so tehy can eet it..yea thats wut i do..im a vamp...a vamp that drains the heart and soul from everyone..stay awya from meh..im bad..im a bad apple...and yet...i ...i dunt see whyt he guys dutn see.?...y dunt they see..they claim to noe meh..."they see ti in my eyes"...yea ok...well fi u say that..ur way off..because..u have no idea im juss usin u for a cushiion because of my own damn insecurities..he's so beautiful this person..he's so wonderful...he's so perfect...it scare smeh..and look..im doing it to him...*cries*..WHY!...wtf is rong with meh..im playin love liek tis juss a game..y cant a be sincre..i want to feel ove so bad i create an artifical world..im so pathetic..im so0o soo soo pathetic..im lame im stupid im...im hirrble...y...y!!....WHY!!..its killing meh slowly and steadly ..i noe its never goint o stp and i noe it..i should juss die now..so...*exhales*..nvm..what the point?...in a year its not goin to matter
[ and you know what blows...that i think i actually really liked this guy...alot.and i already screwed up..and i know he wont forgive meh like bob..i noe he wont because...he'll know im not deserving of him.. ]