and it hurts a whole lot, but is missed when it's gone...

[flawd_innocence]

i feel like i'm losing my best friends. i've made so many new friends this year, so many good friends, but i've really pushed away a select few. i'm so upset right now, realizing this. i think i've known i've been doing this all along, but it just kinda hit me right now. i feel so terrible. i miss my best friends so much. i love them. i dont even know if what i'm typing makes sense, cause i'm not proof reading, and i'm not trying to make this sound good. i just need to get this out. i love my new friends. they're amazing. they're so beautiful, and i know they're there if i need them. i love them. but my best friends are always there for me, and i feel like they're not always there anymore, because i'm never with them. i dont want to push them away, because i love them so much, but for some reason, they're not there anymore. it hurts so much to see your best friend start to replace you.

i'm really content with the way that things are now, dont get me wrong. but i miss the way things use to be so much more than i accept the way things are right now. maybe thats what my whole life will be, cause thats how it seems to have been up until now; me being okay with the present, but always, always longing for the past.

when i see people with their best friends, i always get so jealous because i feel like i've completely fucked everything up, and i've lost mine. i never wanted this. you have to understand. this isn't what i wanted. this still isnt what i want.
i miss you guys. i do.