So what do you suggest then?
These compare in no way to the "good old days."
Two different times in my life. Polar extremes. But right now I'm in this excruciating limbo and I'm not really able to live in either of my past existances. I've found no good fit. I've made feeble attempts to gracefully make everything ok on both sides. But it's all tainted now and it won't ever be as amazing as the way I remember it.
Everything above relates to both.
I think I'm brain damaged. There was a man on the wall last night. I thought I might have needed an exorsism right then for all the things I saw. But I think my case is entirely different because I pretty much am epileptic as far as I'm concerned. Especially when tampered with. Either way there was a man on the wall and all these shapes bouncing all about and I saw myself bursting outward in an explosion of streamers and color. The shapes reminded me of farm animals a bit. One bright pink one looked like an armadilo with a pigs snout and then there were other things. Like these waxy looking off white figures which were moving around my nightstand and taking the shape of extremely serious looking people. They were fancy.
I emailed my math teacher. I talked to him as an equal and I told him not to fuck with my life. That was yesterday before I left and he hasn't emailed me back. I want a respose because he makes me angry.
There was this little boy at work today and he was playing with the gravity bin which held the coffee beans. The same one that I had spent 15 minutes cleaning followed by me sweeping all the spilt beans off the floor.
He was jiggling the handle and then half the fucking bin emptied on to the floor. He started giggling and ran to show his mother who told him to hold her hand and they continued to shop. I looked at that innocent little boy and he became the target of all my built up anger and frustration. The cause of all the wrongs in the world. Yeah, he was the reason I'm an unintelligent piece of shit who got fucked over that one time with so and so when all that bullshit happened (this can pretty much signify anything that's ever gone wrong and has been my fault). And the reason for Jamie dying. And the reason for my poor realtionship with my parents. And the reason why car crashes happen. And why I'm sick. And why my math teacher is a complete fucking square (irony?). And the reason half my brain is probably dried up. It made me realize how unrealistically we all channel our anger. How when something goes wrong, I tend to blame everything that's ever gone wrong on one thing and completely shutdown. But man. That kid was obnoxious.
Today I lost someone. I woke up this morning and it was obvious it was pretty much the ending of their possibility.
We got a letter from the school. In the mail. Adressed to my Parents/Gardians.
I opened it. And wrote them a letter back. I'm fighting with an inatimate object. And losing.
Two different times in my life. Polar extremes. But right now I'm in this excruciating limbo and I'm not really able to live in either of my past existances. I've found no good fit. I've made feeble attempts to gracefully make everything ok on both sides. But it's all tainted now and it won't ever be as amazing as the way I remember it.
Everything above relates to both.
I think I'm brain damaged. There was a man on the wall last night. I thought I might have needed an exorsism right then for all the things I saw. But I think my case is entirely different because I pretty much am epileptic as far as I'm concerned. Especially when tampered with. Either way there was a man on the wall and all these shapes bouncing all about and I saw myself bursting outward in an explosion of streamers and color. The shapes reminded me of farm animals a bit. One bright pink one looked like an armadilo with a pigs snout and then there were other things. Like these waxy looking off white figures which were moving around my nightstand and taking the shape of extremely serious looking people. They were fancy.
I emailed my math teacher. I talked to him as an equal and I told him not to fuck with my life. That was yesterday before I left and he hasn't emailed me back. I want a respose because he makes me angry.
There was this little boy at work today and he was playing with the gravity bin which held the coffee beans. The same one that I had spent 15 minutes cleaning followed by me sweeping all the spilt beans off the floor.
He was jiggling the handle and then half the fucking bin emptied on to the floor. He started giggling and ran to show his mother who told him to hold her hand and they continued to shop. I looked at that innocent little boy and he became the target of all my built up anger and frustration. The cause of all the wrongs in the world. Yeah, he was the reason I'm an unintelligent piece of shit who got fucked over that one time with so and so when all that bullshit happened (this can pretty much signify anything that's ever gone wrong and has been my fault). And the reason for Jamie dying. And the reason for my poor realtionship with my parents. And the reason why car crashes happen. And why I'm sick. And why my math teacher is a complete fucking square (irony?). And the reason half my brain is probably dried up. It made me realize how unrealistically we all channel our anger. How when something goes wrong, I tend to blame everything that's ever gone wrong on one thing and completely shutdown. But man. That kid was obnoxious.
Today I lost someone. I woke up this morning and it was obvious it was pretty much the ending of their possibility.
We got a letter from the school. In the mail. Adressed to my Parents/Gardians.
I opened it. And wrote them a letter back. I'm fighting with an inatimate object. And losing.