(no subject)
Title: Not Quite Christmas 2/2
Author: flatlanddan
Prompt: Christmas Tree (written for tw_calender)
Rating: R (for language)
Characters: Team, Rhys, minor OC
Thanks to randommagic for beta reading this one Christmas Eve. Best. Wife. Ever.
"You're joking. The bloody Christmas tree in the plas started crying and neither of you thought to call me?" Gwen paced back and forth in front of them, the reindeer antlers on her head making a tinkling noise. It was really taking the edge off her rant.
"It was late and we had the situation under control." Jack retorted.
"But this is a situation I would have actually liked to deal with!"
"Well, it's a good thing it's an ongoing concern then!"
"Not to interrupt, but this isn't exactly in the spirit of the season. And our main concern should be to keep things as holly and jolly as possible." Ianto interrupted, looking pointedly upwards.
"Ha, it's been a while since you've been to a proper family Christmas, isn't it Ianto. This is exactly what they're like." Gwen replied, though the tension in the room seemed to have lessoned.
"What we need is a list. Pen and paper or is this time to take out the flip chart?" Ianto muttered to himself and disappeared towards the stationery cupboard.
"I'm sorry Gwen." Jack began but she waved him off.
"Already forgotten. So what is the plan for dealing with this." A flip chart with legs clanged into view as Ianto returned.
"Well, that's what I'm sorry about." Gwen looked confused. Jack and Ianto exchanged glances.
"About Rhys's Turducken..."
* * *
Ianto Jones had become an accomplished field agent in the previous year. He considered himself diplomatic, enthusiastic and capable of thinking outside the box. He had dealt with aliens, deranged psychopathic killers, bunny rabbits and board meetings with the Prime Minister.
Nothing had prepared him for Iceland on Christmas Eve.
He stood with his list nicely ticketed off and an overfilled basket as his only defense. The four pint carton of milk was in his hand, his weapon of choice.
"Oh luv, where did you pick up those?" He looked up and made eye contact with a young woman. Black hair, bright lipstick, gum and a leopard print track suit. She glanced down at his seventy five piece Indian party mix pack. "They look lush." He cleared his throat.
"First aisle. Right near the front."
"Watch my trolley for a mo', will you?" She didn't wait for his reply but charged through the crowd. Ianto didn't really mind. The line hadn't moved in about ten minutes and he was still about seven trolleys from the curve that led to the tills. It was 3 pm and this was his last stop. Still, he thought, he had an easier job then Gwen. His ears picked up the sound of a woman's raised voice.
"There's a fucking queue you know! Some of us have been waiting half an hour now." He was sad to say that he recognized the voice. Whatever reply was too indiscernible, though Ianto didn't have to wait long to have his suspicions of the nature of the argument confirmed. The leopard printed woman plowed back, security close behind her.
"Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to not swear. This is a family shop."
"I don't fucking care. We've not moved for the last twenty minutes. You need some of your people up front in the queues to make sure no one is budging in."
"I've asked you once, Miss. You swear one more time and we will relieve you of your trolley and escort you out of the shop."
"Oh fuck off."
"Right." For a large man, the security guard moved remarkably fast. Ianto ignored the rabble, happy for once to let security deal with the situation. Aliens he could deal with. People were just far to complicated. Peering into the trolley he picked up a pack of the mini chocolate fondants with a grin on his face. They had been out.
Humming Jingle Bells to himself, he looked up and spotted a basket only line being opened. It was a Christmas miracle in his books.
* * *
Rhys was deeply unimpressed. He stood with his hands on the worktop, firmly between Gwen and the Christmas Eve spread.
"It's Christmas."
"Technically, it's Christmas Eve."
"I don't care. It's still Christmas and Harkness promised you'd have two and a half days off."
"I will, I just can't have tonight off."
"And fucking Torchwood is nicking our dinner!" Gwen cupped the side of his face softly.
"I know. But it's the job, isn't it? It's really not as bad as all that. You're invited as well."
"Invited to have dinner with your workmates and a sobbing tree. Wonderful." She smiled coyly at him.
"I'll make it up to you."
"You'll be bloody drunk by the time we get home and be no good for anything." But she could tell he was softening. The smile in his eyes hadn't quite reached his lips, but after so many years Gwen knew the battle was won.
"Who said anything about waiting for later?" He cracked a smile at her words.
"Saucy minx. Alright then, tis the season after all."
* * *
Jack sat quietly under the tree, the table and chairs already moved from inside the Hub.
"Where did you come from, Tree?" he asked it, tilting his chair back so his feet rested on the table and the back of his head against the bark.
Norway, I believe.
"Long trip?"
I wasn't sentient at the time.
"Right. Of course."
And where do you come from, CaptainJackHarknessTorchwood?
"Jack will be fine. I come from the future, Tree. Far in the future."
Will you be spending tomorrow with your family?
"I'll be spending tomorrow with Ianto."
I thought he wasn't your family?
Jack pondered his answer for a minute.
"It's complicated, Tree."
I don't understand.
"Ianto is..." Jack struggled for words. "I guess we are family. Torchwood is all we have." The tree rustled happily.
I thought as much when I saw you. A family for Christmas. How fantastic!
Jack closed his eyes and smiled again, inhaling the smell around him. A family for Christmas.
* * *
Rhys insisted on cooking, which surprised no one. Ianto did the table because he was the only one who cared how the cutlery went after they'd each had a bottle. Jack sat under the tree and brought it up to date on the tao of Jack and if it was at all possible the tree glowed brighter. Gwen flitted between the three of them, refilling glasses.
"Merry Christmas!!" Jack yelled at some passers by and they all laughed. It was ridiculous, really, three of them with the table and the pretty decorations talking to the tree. It said something about Cardiff that no one reported them, though really the police would only know it was them and shrug.
"We should have set a place in case they send Andy down" Gwen said thoughtfully, before dissolving into giggles and taking a sip of her wine.
"Is dinner nearly done?" Jack asked ask she sat down on his lap. She pulled out a two way radio.
"Let me check. Rhys?"
"Someone had better be down in the next ten minutes to help carry things up. And I need a refill on my bottle." the disembodied voice said. Jack gave her a push and a smile and she left with another laugh, the radio in her hand suddenly becoming useless.
"Stop faffing around with the table Ianto and come here." Jack patted his knee and winked, his subtleness having disappeared nearly an hour before.
"I'm not sitting on your knee Jack."
"Oh come on Ianto. Tis the season."
"Yes, tis the season for A&E being full of people who pretended to be Santa and asked fully grown men to sit on their knee." But Ianto came over and pulled a chair close to Jack and together they looked at the star through the tree leaves.
"Are you alright Tree?" Jack inquired.
I am.
"Ianto."
"Very warm and fully of holiday spirits, Jack." Jack looked over at him.
"But are you alright?" Ianto smiled.
"I'm alright Jack."
"I wonder if Gwen and Rhys are alright?"
"I'm sure they're half naked and having sex while our Turducken burns" Jack snorted.
"Merry Christmas, Ianto."
"Merry Christmas, Jack."
Merry Christmas, my little family.
Author: flatlanddan
Prompt: Christmas Tree (written for tw_calender)
Rating: R (for language)
Characters: Team, Rhys, minor OC
Thanks to randommagic for beta reading this one Christmas Eve. Best. Wife. Ever.
"You're joking. The bloody Christmas tree in the plas started crying and neither of you thought to call me?" Gwen paced back and forth in front of them, the reindeer antlers on her head making a tinkling noise. It was really taking the edge off her rant.
"It was late and we had the situation under control." Jack retorted.
"But this is a situation I would have actually liked to deal with!"
"Well, it's a good thing it's an ongoing concern then!"
"Not to interrupt, but this isn't exactly in the spirit of the season. And our main concern should be to keep things as holly and jolly as possible." Ianto interrupted, looking pointedly upwards.
"Ha, it's been a while since you've been to a proper family Christmas, isn't it Ianto. This is exactly what they're like." Gwen replied, though the tension in the room seemed to have lessoned.
"What we need is a list. Pen and paper or is this time to take out the flip chart?" Ianto muttered to himself and disappeared towards the stationery cupboard.
"I'm sorry Gwen." Jack began but she waved him off.
"Already forgotten. So what is the plan for dealing with this." A flip chart with legs clanged into view as Ianto returned.
"Well, that's what I'm sorry about." Gwen looked confused. Jack and Ianto exchanged glances.
"About Rhys's Turducken..."
* * *
Ianto Jones had become an accomplished field agent in the previous year. He considered himself diplomatic, enthusiastic and capable of thinking outside the box. He had dealt with aliens, deranged psychopathic killers, bunny rabbits and board meetings with the Prime Minister.
Nothing had prepared him for Iceland on Christmas Eve.
He stood with his list nicely ticketed off and an overfilled basket as his only defense. The four pint carton of milk was in his hand, his weapon of choice.
"Oh luv, where did you pick up those?" He looked up and made eye contact with a young woman. Black hair, bright lipstick, gum and a leopard print track suit. She glanced down at his seventy five piece Indian party mix pack. "They look lush." He cleared his throat.
"First aisle. Right near the front."
"Watch my trolley for a mo', will you?" She didn't wait for his reply but charged through the crowd. Ianto didn't really mind. The line hadn't moved in about ten minutes and he was still about seven trolleys from the curve that led to the tills. It was 3 pm and this was his last stop. Still, he thought, he had an easier job then Gwen. His ears picked up the sound of a woman's raised voice.
"There's a fucking queue you know! Some of us have been waiting half an hour now." He was sad to say that he recognized the voice. Whatever reply was too indiscernible, though Ianto didn't have to wait long to have his suspicions of the nature of the argument confirmed. The leopard printed woman plowed back, security close behind her.
"Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to not swear. This is a family shop."
"I don't fucking care. We've not moved for the last twenty minutes. You need some of your people up front in the queues to make sure no one is budging in."
"I've asked you once, Miss. You swear one more time and we will relieve you of your trolley and escort you out of the shop."
"Oh fuck off."
"Right." For a large man, the security guard moved remarkably fast. Ianto ignored the rabble, happy for once to let security deal with the situation. Aliens he could deal with. People were just far to complicated. Peering into the trolley he picked up a pack of the mini chocolate fondants with a grin on his face. They had been out.
Humming Jingle Bells to himself, he looked up and spotted a basket only line being opened. It was a Christmas miracle in his books.
* * *
Rhys was deeply unimpressed. He stood with his hands on the worktop, firmly between Gwen and the Christmas Eve spread.
"It's Christmas."
"Technically, it's Christmas Eve."
"I don't care. It's still Christmas and Harkness promised you'd have two and a half days off."
"I will, I just can't have tonight off."
"And fucking Torchwood is nicking our dinner!" Gwen cupped the side of his face softly.
"I know. But it's the job, isn't it? It's really not as bad as all that. You're invited as well."
"Invited to have dinner with your workmates and a sobbing tree. Wonderful." She smiled coyly at him.
"I'll make it up to you."
"You'll be bloody drunk by the time we get home and be no good for anything." But she could tell he was softening. The smile in his eyes hadn't quite reached his lips, but after so many years Gwen knew the battle was won.
"Who said anything about waiting for later?" He cracked a smile at her words.
"Saucy minx. Alright then, tis the season after all."
* * *
Jack sat quietly under the tree, the table and chairs already moved from inside the Hub.
"Where did you come from, Tree?" he asked it, tilting his chair back so his feet rested on the table and the back of his head against the bark.
Norway, I believe.
"Long trip?"
I wasn't sentient at the time.
"Right. Of course."
And where do you come from, CaptainJackHarknessTorchwood?
"Jack will be fine. I come from the future, Tree. Far in the future."
Will you be spending tomorrow with your family?
"I'll be spending tomorrow with Ianto."
I thought he wasn't your family?
Jack pondered his answer for a minute.
"It's complicated, Tree."
I don't understand.
"Ianto is..." Jack struggled for words. "I guess we are family. Torchwood is all we have." The tree rustled happily.
I thought as much when I saw you. A family for Christmas. How fantastic!
Jack closed his eyes and smiled again, inhaling the smell around him. A family for Christmas.
* * *
Rhys insisted on cooking, which surprised no one. Ianto did the table because he was the only one who cared how the cutlery went after they'd each had a bottle. Jack sat under the tree and brought it up to date on the tao of Jack and if it was at all possible the tree glowed brighter. Gwen flitted between the three of them, refilling glasses.
"Merry Christmas!!" Jack yelled at some passers by and they all laughed. It was ridiculous, really, three of them with the table and the pretty decorations talking to the tree. It said something about Cardiff that no one reported them, though really the police would only know it was them and shrug.
"We should have set a place in case they send Andy down" Gwen said thoughtfully, before dissolving into giggles and taking a sip of her wine.
"Is dinner nearly done?" Jack asked ask she sat down on his lap. She pulled out a two way radio.
"Let me check. Rhys?"
"Someone had better be down in the next ten minutes to help carry things up. And I need a refill on my bottle." the disembodied voice said. Jack gave her a push and a smile and she left with another laugh, the radio in her hand suddenly becoming useless.
"Stop faffing around with the table Ianto and come here." Jack patted his knee and winked, his subtleness having disappeared nearly an hour before.
"I'm not sitting on your knee Jack."
"Oh come on Ianto. Tis the season."
"Yes, tis the season for A&E being full of people who pretended to be Santa and asked fully grown men to sit on their knee." But Ianto came over and pulled a chair close to Jack and together they looked at the star through the tree leaves.
"Are you alright Tree?" Jack inquired.
I am.
"Ianto."
"Very warm and fully of holiday spirits, Jack." Jack looked over at him.
"But are you alright?" Ianto smiled.
"I'm alright Jack."
"I wonder if Gwen and Rhys are alright?"
"I'm sure they're half naked and having sex while our Turducken burns" Jack snorted.
"Merry Christmas, Ianto."
"Merry Christmas, Jack."
Merry Christmas, my little family.