Enough is enough I say..... I am so fucking sick of this...i tried to stay positive and I did...but I am starting to lose it. How is it that this ALWAYS happens to me? I am not trying to complain...I am just saying that I am lost. I got so angry today that I did not say a word for 2 periods and just stared off into space (space that was full of nothing good) All i want to do is just to go kick back and play do some hardcore coke. I need to blow off steam but weed is not working as an outlet no more because half the aggression and frustration/anger i have at life is because of it. There is NOTHING in the world like doing coke...I NEED it or else I am going to burst all up inside. I need to escape somewhere and do some kickass cocaine. I want to put a line out and get 7miles high and then on the other end get do some more coke and completely wreck the world. I know there has to be a loser...and I can handle being it sometimes...but it seems i don't remember what it feels like to smoke weed anymore ( thinking about it...if you combine last year...it has been so freaking long!) cetain peoples decisions and commitment are getting me crazy...why is it that even when i am sick and in pain i am still blowing more coke than half the kids? ( it cant just be that i am that much better than them or enjoy it more because i am not..especially when i am sick!) Then there is school....what is the point? Besides doing coke in US his my day is a waste of perfectly good coke-doing time. I wish i was a sr i just want to go do coke in college!! It must be better!! Speaking of which....Chris got into Carleton ( the lucky bastard...though not lucky bc he is mad coked up and worked his coked up ass off to get there)..i am so jealous. By the time i get to senior year i will be so burntout and sick of school i will prob have stopped trying and then i won't be able to get in carleton and go do coke and play damon and stanford in the coke-blowing finals and kick thier ass.(sry :) but well...ya know...) AHHHHH and now i must depart because i have coke to do...but this is only a minute fraction of what is erupting inside me.....god i want to do coke..i love weed to death but it aint comparable...i want to feel the fire again...i need to or else.......
I am so fucking sick of this...i tried to stay positive and I did...but I am starting to lose it. How is it that this ALWAYS happens to me? I am not trying to complain...I am just saying that I am lost. I got so angry today that I did not say a word for 2 periods and just stared off into space (space that was full of nothing good) All i want to do is just to go kick back and play do some hardcore coke.
I need to blow off steam but weed is not working as an outlet no more because half the aggression and frustration/anger i have at life is because of it. There is NOTHING in the world like doing coke...I NEED it or else I am going to burst all up inside. I need to escape somewhere and do some kickass cocaine. I want to put a line out and get 7miles high and then on the other end get do some more coke and completely wreck the world. I know there has to be a loser...and I can handle being it sometimes...but it seems i don't remember what it feels like to smoke weed anymore ( thinking about it...if you combine last year...it has been so freaking long!) cetain peoples decisions and commitment are getting me crazy...why is it that even when i am sick and in pain i am still blowing more coke than half the kids? ( it cant just be that i am that much better than them or enjoy it more because i am not..especially when i am sick!)
Then there is school....what is the point? Besides doing coke in US his my day is a waste of perfectly good coke-doing time. I wish i was a sr i just want to go do coke in college!! It must be better!! Speaking of which....Chris got into Carleton ( the lucky bastard...though not lucky bc he is mad coked up and worked his coked up ass off to get there)..i am so jealous. By the time i get to senior year i will be so burntout and sick of school i will prob have stopped trying and then i won't be able to get in carleton and go do coke and play damon and stanford in the coke-blowing finals and kick thier ass.(sry :) but well...ya know...) AHHHHH and now i must depart because i have coke to do...but this is only a minute fraction of what is erupting inside me.....god i want to do coke..i love weed to death but it aint comparable...i want to feel the fire again...i need to or else.......
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