(no subject)
this is very much so out of my hands right now, and that's the scariest realization i've had in quite some time. I'm not sure if I'm just lost, or broken, or damaged...or stuck on the sick-cycle carsousel. Maybe that's what this disease simply does, it leaves me guessing at all times, at all hours of the night. Should I really make plans for the rest of my life, or just throw the towel in before fate chokes me with it? I can't just let myself sit back and wait. but somewhere in the back of my mind, i know that this work will go to waste...hence why I have put off any long term plans. I need to be certain before I commit myself to anything. I know at this point in my life....that's far too much to ask.
I need to go back into treatment. I don't know if i can let myself, but I honest to g-d know that I can not guilt trip myself into thinking that I have a one shot deal with recovery. If my health would have held up, and insurance would have worked out...perhaps things would have been different. But i can't spend my life just trying to hang on, i just can't.
I need to go back into treatment. I don't know if i can let myself, but I honest to g-d know that I can not guilt trip myself into thinking that I have a one shot deal with recovery. If my health would have held up, and insurance would have worked out...perhaps things would have been different. But i can't spend my life just trying to hang on, i just can't.