"All aboard the HMAS Pricktease"
The next email I received invited me to join an Expo in the City, but unfortunately I was unavailable as I was recording some 2bit Australian Idol Wannabe.
Ahh the joys of having a skill untalented ppl with a heap of $$ and time to burn will exploit will little clue or reality.
"Hi I wanna book a few hours to record."
"Sure. How many hours do you think you'll need and what exactly are we gunna do??"
"Well I want to just see what I sound like. I want to do that Whitney Houston track from the Bodyguard. I've been singing for years so I won't take me too long at all."
"O.k great, say 3 hours should do it for a rough go?"
"3 hours?? I doubt I'll need all that"
"Well we'll book 3 hours and see how we go o.k?"
"Oh, o.k then. Um do you have Auto-Tune?"
Oh no.
Those unfamiliar with the sound editing software mentioned above would not understand the "Oh no" part of that last sentence, those familiar would have groaned in the same pain I did when asked.
See, Auto-Tune is a revolutionary algorithm that will manipulate even the worst of singers into something at least closer to acceptable. Well that's how it's marketed anyway. That will get the studio manager's attention and EVERY half arsed
"singer" imaginable. The reality is, it requires a HEAP of work from the engineer/producer (me) to get something that don't make the dogs 3 post codes away die from pulverized eardrums.
The other reality is it took me 7 hours to get something that stank like arse, while the Banshee stalked the studio like a starlet possessed with her own existence only to later complain she sounded like a ROBOT. hahaha
"I'm so sorry Sweetheart, but there's little I can do. It's your decision as the client to decide "Do I wanna sound in tune or do I wanna sound natural. Unfortunately there's very little gray area. I'd be happy to continue editing your stellar performance, but fear it will only diminish from your raw talent blah blah wank wank. Of coarse I will have to charge you."
She was, never has been and never will be classifiable as a SINGER. Ever. Believe me.
I found out later that they visited the Blackwattle Bay Drain. Shit.
I had seen Siologen's photos and read his report of previous Expo's there and was seriously bummed to have missed out, this time.
I would get plenty of practice getting used to missing out .....
The email also hinted at exploring some older drains the following week in North Sydney.
I had no intention of missing that one.
Ahh the joys of having a skill untalented ppl with a heap of $$ and time to burn will exploit will little clue or reality.
"Hi I wanna book a few hours to record."
"Sure. How many hours do you think you'll need and what exactly are we gunna do??"
"Well I want to just see what I sound like. I want to do that Whitney Houston track from the Bodyguard. I've been singing for years so I won't take me too long at all."
"O.k great, say 3 hours should do it for a rough go?"
"3 hours?? I doubt I'll need all that"
"Well we'll book 3 hours and see how we go o.k?"
"Oh, o.k then. Um do you have Auto-Tune?"
Oh no.
Those unfamiliar with the sound editing software mentioned above would not understand the "Oh no" part of that last sentence, those familiar would have groaned in the same pain I did when asked.
See, Auto-Tune is a revolutionary algorithm that will manipulate even the worst of singers into something at least closer to acceptable. Well that's how it's marketed anyway. That will get the studio manager's attention and EVERY half arsed
"singer" imaginable. The reality is, it requires a HEAP of work from the engineer/producer (me) to get something that don't make the dogs 3 post codes away die from pulverized eardrums.
The other reality is it took me 7 hours to get something that stank like arse, while the Banshee stalked the studio like a starlet possessed with her own existence only to later complain she sounded like a ROBOT. hahaha
"I'm so sorry Sweetheart, but there's little I can do. It's your decision as the client to decide "Do I wanna sound in tune or do I wanna sound natural. Unfortunately there's very little gray area. I'd be happy to continue editing your stellar performance, but fear it will only diminish from your raw talent blah blah wank wank. Of coarse I will have to charge you."
She was, never has been and never will be classifiable as a SINGER. Ever. Believe me.
I found out later that they visited the Blackwattle Bay Drain. Shit.
I had seen Siologen's photos and read his report of previous Expo's there and was seriously bummed to have missed out, this time.
I would get plenty of practice getting used to missing out .....
The email also hinted at exploring some older drains the following week in North Sydney.
I had no intention of missing that one.