(no subject)
So I dont really want to put this here because people are always saying how I am happy in person and depressed in here. Thats not how it is, its like I only update when I am irked. But anyhoo, Im not mad or sad or emo :)
But no, today was one of those days when it felt amazing to be alive, in a backward messed up way. Except I think I may have screwed up something that was already amazing. I hung out with matt after school and I told him I would call him when I got home to see if i could hang out with him tonight. I didnt. My dad wasnt home and I had to go talk to someone, badly. So i did that. I was gone til like 6 when I called Matt. He seemed fine when I told him I had been gone. I felt bad that I didnt tell him the whole truth so I called him when I got to my house and explained to him what had happened, that I had to go find one of my friends and talk to him. I think Matt was ok with it but I dunno. I hope so, I dont want to screw that up.
But my walk and talk was good. THere are some people that you just get and even tho it should be weird and akward and bad, it isnt. Its not like I even have romantic feelings for him, its just you get some people. Hes like a brother to me, but more. I dont know how to explain it, but its a good thing. Im glad i was able to be there for him cuz like seeing how he is reminds me of how lost i felt this past spring. I had to figure a lot of that out myself and even tho I know i had my friends to support me, I felt confused and lost a lot. Im so glad that all i went thru helps me see that he has someone to listen to him and not get the same way.
Right now I am so full of emotion its ......... i dunno, i like it. Im like about to cry :). Im happy for my friend, sad that I may have hurt matt, excited that I get to see the guy i love in 10 minutes, nervous for tomorrow and just glad to be alive. opp! here comes a tear! Happy Friday!
And Shannon Smith if you ever by freak accident come across this, CONGRATULATIONS on making court. You deserve it, you have my vote for Queen
But no, today was one of those days when it felt amazing to be alive, in a backward messed up way. Except I think I may have screwed up something that was already amazing. I hung out with matt after school and I told him I would call him when I got home to see if i could hang out with him tonight. I didnt. My dad wasnt home and I had to go talk to someone, badly. So i did that. I was gone til like 6 when I called Matt. He seemed fine when I told him I had been gone. I felt bad that I didnt tell him the whole truth so I called him when I got to my house and explained to him what had happened, that I had to go find one of my friends and talk to him. I think Matt was ok with it but I dunno. I hope so, I dont want to screw that up.
But my walk and talk was good. THere are some people that you just get and even tho it should be weird and akward and bad, it isnt. Its not like I even have romantic feelings for him, its just you get some people. Hes like a brother to me, but more. I dont know how to explain it, but its a good thing. Im glad i was able to be there for him cuz like seeing how he is reminds me of how lost i felt this past spring. I had to figure a lot of that out myself and even tho I know i had my friends to support me, I felt confused and lost a lot. Im so glad that all i went thru helps me see that he has someone to listen to him and not get the same way.
Right now I am so full of emotion its ......... i dunno, i like it. Im like about to cry :). Im happy for my friend, sad that I may have hurt matt, excited that I get to see the guy i love in 10 minutes, nervous for tomorrow and just glad to be alive. opp! here comes a tear! Happy Friday!
And Shannon Smith if you ever by freak accident come across this, CONGRATULATIONS on making court. You deserve it, you have my vote for Queen