Comments | flannelpiano: you should know.

flannelpiano

you should know.

Mar 26, 2006 11:00

the following is an article i wrote for a magazine i'm creating at school. i'm posting it here for 2 reasons:
1) genocide, no matter where it occurs or to whom, is everyone's problem.
2) i'd love to hear some suggestions for improvement. (or, if you love it, why.)

( The Tent Connection: Understanding Darfur )

Comments 9

kudos grandada March 26 2006, 18:26:30 UTC

Avery, I haven't had a chance to fully read this yet but so far it is wonderful and wonderful that you are writing this piece.

"- Finally, and the most fundamental roadblock to action, American awareness of this crisis is minimal."

I am surprised and ashamed to say that I was not aware of the Darfur crisis until Darfur awareness week on campus. I probably still would not be aware except one of my friends from class was involved in it and invited me to come over with her. I don't even know what to say in addition to that. Nick wrote a post a that I read just before this one that is very challenging and interestingly relates strongly to what you've written.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of your piece, but for now i too am at work and there are little piles of data waiting to be entered.

louthewerewolf March 26 2006, 22:16:47 UTC

the only thing i'd ask for the article is some information contacts, links and such. i tend to find that the best way to motivate myself when there's a link or contact at the end of the article where i could donate money or offer help.

i've been reading plenty of news articles lately and i like that this one aims at unifying people for a cause rather than aiming and blaming one side (so that you loose half the potential audience you could have) it's far more affective.

flannelpiano March 27 2006, 06:24:12 UTC

i'm glad you mentioned that: in the magazine, i'm planning for the article to have an accompanying sidebar--something to the effect of "what you can do"--with links to websites and petitions and such.

thanks for reading it.

louthewerewolf March 27 2006, 07:21:13 UTC

your very welcome.

also a sidenote. i'm really interested in writing for newspapers or magazines, media journalism in general. what are my chances of acheiving that without a college degree of any sort?

flannelpiano March 30 2006, 05:38:09 UTC

hm...the thing about a degree is not so much *having* a degree, but the thing is, journalism employers don't want to publish you unless you have clips proving your abilities as a writer (yeah...it's a catch-22). college sometimes offers you a chance to get those clips; plus you can get internships and recommendations from professors to beef up your resume when you send queries to publications. also, if you have a college degree (in journalism or English), publishers are likely to feel more confident giving you assignments, because they can reasonably assume that you are well-versed in the rules of grammar and the structure of news-reporting--and AP style, which is really important in writing for the media ( ... )

Thread 6

You're almost done! huckleberrybee March 27 2006, 15:24:34 UTC

Avery, this is a great article. You have done a great job at keeping the reader from making assumptions about the character of the type of people involved (those are just hippies, liberals, argumentatives, etc.) that might allow the reader to personally disconnect from the urge to help. I had no problems imagining the "camp" and I found myself wondering what more I could do. I, sadly, had not heard about this situation or it's UCF awareness week, until today. What Nick said about adding links is all I can say for edits.

Go out with a bang from that institution!

gruntfish March 28 2006, 07:19:19 UTC

Avery, this is good. To start with, you leave yourself out of the paper. No one wants to be attacked by someone they don't know, so that was a wise choice. It reduces the risk of sounding self-righteous. And tying in the UCF camp works well in relating it to students and us young middle class central Floridians. The compare and contrast aspects are a subtle way to prod the reader toward action--the ipod, laptop, bicycles, sweaters, high heels and such. You may want to empasize a little more what it is actually like in Darfur, but you'll want to be real careful not to overdo it. Think Sally Struthers. You probably wont want to write lengthy passages about the flies circling about, and the vultures waiting, and the "pungent smells" and screaming, and the sun baking down, and the temptation to eat sand, eat anything; that is to say, these things are important to include, but you might want to space them out real well, or they might turn off the reader. Gentle and forceful ( ... )