EXTREME FOOD ARASHI: Forget the 5 second rule. And your sanity. You're watching Arashi.
Sometimes, I really think that the staff on Arashi shows sit around tables trying to figure out how to maneuver a very tricky path: how does one come up with food challenges so terrible that the perpetually underfed members will all back away in horror-all, that is, except for Ohno.
Part of this challenge comes largely from Sho and Aiba: Aiba is game for just about anything, and the crazier the food, the higher his excitement level gets:
Reference: This is when Aiba found out about rainbow-colored Goldfish crackers
I feed them to my students sometimes and chuckle to myself. What?
And as for Sho . . . well, we all know what food buddies Sho and Ohno are.
It takes a pretty spectacular example of food abuse to deter not just one, but both of these guys. The lure of food is powerful.
Oh right, and the other complication-it needs to be bad enough to get those two not to eat, yet not quite so terrible that when Ohno inevitably decides to eat it, it probably won’t kill him.
If the staff isn’t ambitious enough, members other than Ohno will eat the scary food, and the impact of the horror will be lost.
Example 1 (D no Arashi 53): cotton candy left out for a week.
Already, we can see some of the blunders here.
Sure, Sho has his ‘are you freaking kidding me?’ face properly in place, but when Aiba is looking that excited about something, you know that he is going to try it, even if it kills him. The scarier the food looks, the more excited he’s going to look: It’s for science, remember?
Fig. A: Aiba doing his part for science.
Fig. B: No, really, for science. ^^”
Fig. C: Ohno licks the same spot, also in the name of science.
Fig D: Obviously, Sho hates science. And cotton candy threesomes. It’s very sad.
So, as we can see in the first example, the staff miscalculated and set the bar too low. It never pays to underestimate Aiba’s enthusiasm for suggestive tongue use and dubious science.
30 episodes later, D no Arashi 82, staff does a much better job with a cotton candy challenge . . .
Example 2: Ohno + cotton candy dipped in liquid nitrogen:
Note Aiba's body language. Now that's what I'm talking about.
Ohno does what comes naturally . . .
Sho: You are not going to--OMG, YOU JUST ATE THAT!!! >_<;;;;
Sho: You're not really human at all, are you?
Ohno: NOM NOM NOM DELICIOUS NOM&hearts
So, when Staff-san decides to emphasize for us the complete bizarreness not only of Ohno's infamously mutant tastebuds but also his apparently unlimited equanimity and tractability . . . well, let's just say that these people are not screwing around. They go straight to the heart of food terror.
Old food. Food that's been left out or tucked away beyond all reason. And then eaten. Knowingly.
Forget the five second rule. These people are serious *___*
One of the great things about Nino is that he tells it like it is when he isn't lying through his teeth:
Nino: How about we give everyone their daily dose of fear?
Ohno: Oh, hell. This is not going to be a good day.
Apparently, Jun inexplicably messing with his pants and redoing his belt while standing onstage and in front of the camera wasn't enough fear what the hell, Jun?, so they present the other members with food well past the expiry date . . . food supposedly sent in by fans . . .
. . . and I thought I was a terrible person *__*
Almost immediately, Sho catches on to the true horror . . . why did Staff-san set up the display with rice and water?
Nino: To show you what Ohno can do. *evil cackle*
Ohno: I can . . . sing and . . . dance and . . . oh. Well, that, too.
Sho: Carry on, then. As long as we don't have to eat it. Sorry, Ohno-kun.
17 year-old crab . . . delicious . . . *__* Isn't seafood one of those things you definitely don't want to eat if it's gone off?
Jun: *sniffs* I'm pretty sure this is not a good idea.
Sho: *cringes* Guys, this is a very bad idea.
I love how Jun and Aiba also claim that this is a bad idea and Ohno shouldn't eat it but . . . somehow, I'm not convinced their hearts are in it. After all, somebody has to eat it now, and better Ohno than them.
The inspection.
The approach.
The plunge.
He thinks about it and . . .
. . . lets Nino knows that retribution is likely . . .or maybe not . . .
. . . Actually, how does one interpret this sequence of expressions?
You know . . . maybe Staff-san, and for that matter, Jun, Sho, and Aiba, aren't actually all that sadistic. Maybe they're just fans of Ohno's 'Holy crap! I'm still alive *__*" look.
Because who isn't, really?
Nino, however . . . well, he is that sadistic. Also, slightly disappointed in the final result.
It's kind of horrifying that my best-case scenario is that Ohno is an adrenaline junkie sidling up to mortality one expired can of food at a time. Meanwhile, one of his bandmates watches for the LOLs while the others offer Ohno up so that they aren't sacrificed to the gods of reaction TV while silently cursing their impotence.
But that's the scenario you're getting. *shrugs*
Speaking of which: Mystery food in an unmarked 20 year old can!
They think it's curry.
I like to think that Staff-san called all of their most eccentric pack-rat relatives to find this can.
The sniff.
*ding*
To be fair, I'd probably feed Ohno questionable foods to get him to make that face. It's quite adorable.
Plus, Jun gets to smack him, too, so it's even better.
Clearly, this is before Jun finally gave up on manners and accepted the self-preservation tactic of smelling one's food before one tries it.
I would just like to say that this is a very bad idea.
Nino has second thoughts while Sho is already resigned to the process of auditioning a new leader.
Or maybe not. On both counts.
Ohno announces that he's putting his life on the line for the show. This is by far not the last time we will hear this from Ohno or from other members of Arashi.
Help me! >_<;;
Flist, help me out here. Why is this so entertaining? Because it is. *despairs for sanity*
Guys. You already got the happy face of food recognition. Surely, this is not nec . . .
The moment of truth:
Ohno Satoshi: International Food Badass
A manly high-five of relief . . .
. . . followed by the nasty aftertaste of reality. 30 year old curry in a disintegrating can. You do the math. The math of "ew."
I . . . just. Well, we all know I didn't get into this fandom for the constant sanity and well-thought-out behavior. I guess I should just roll with it, huh?
Actually, the answer is "No." Because when you roll with it . . . Staff-san gets inventive.
No more "safe" canned food. Oh, no.
Forty-four year old cheese. And, no, I don't mean 'expensive cheese aged for 44 years.'
Cheese left out for forty-four years >_<
Also . . . they put Ohno in silly costumes. Maybe they're trying to tell him something. You know, something really subtle, like "For God's sake, man, stop eating the food, or next time we'll have to think of something even worse, like giving you a show where you're required to eat every week and sometimes, when you least expect it, well let Aiba cook whatever he wants. And if that doesn't work . . . we'll let Sho cook. We mean it this time."
In fact, that's what's written on the card. Not that Ohno listens.
Ohno's thought process: "But that means we get to eat every single week!" &hearts
I'd like to point out, as Jun does years later in Shukudai, that if you have to put on gloves to handle your food . . . it probably should not be ingested.
Ah, the sweet sweet smell of fear--Check out Ohno and Aiba. Also, Jun is flailing around offscreen, telling Ohno how bad it smells and that this is a VERY BAD IDEA, while Nino hovers in the distant background, grinning like an evil food gnome.
In case you're curious, it's hard as a rock.
Note to Ohno: This would suggest it's not actually food and you shouldn't-- damn.
Also, you have to love when they put warnings at the bottom of the screen, telling you not to do this at home *__* Only highly lucrative idols are allowed to do this kind of thing.
Sometimes, if merly old food isn't frightening enough, the food isn't just left alone . . . they do . . . things . . . to it.
Like sticking normally dehydrated foods like dried raisins or beef jerky in water and just leaving it for a day . . . or more.
No matter what Ohno says, these aren't grapes. Not anymore.
Also, they are not tasty. Regardless of anything Ohno has to say on the matter.
Seriously. Are you going to believe anything these two guys tell you?
Dehydrated meat. Set in water at room temperature for a whole day, maybe more. Does Japan have anything like OSHA? If not, it's long past due.
We are now at the point where we recognize the inevitable, and yet . . . it still is horrifying.
On the other hand, this may be the most hilarious thing I've seen all day. A day filled with Arashi.
I think we all know how this ends.
. . . with Sho weeping on the way home from work. As he does so often.
D no Arashi 76 and 112: Reminding our idols that, with enough time, and perhaps a bit of effort, even completely harmless foods can be horrifying and even dangerous.
. . .
I would be remiss if I didn't point out one of the most infamous moments of old food + Arashi hijinks, D no Arashi 64, in which the boys are taken to a derelict amusement park closed for 11 years, and then are left to fend for themselves for lunch in the abandoned snack shack. Let's put it this way: They smell many many horrible things, but only inflict one food-like substance on Ohno: 11 year old Coke. I've already spammed that episode pretty hard, so it felt silly to rehash ^^" But if you're feeling brave, go check it out ^_^ There's also an abandoned hospital and spooked idols. Fun times all around ^_^
I survived the last two weeks \o/ And I'm officially taking the weekend off \o/ Anyone want to enable my procrastination?
My next post will be #100 (of visible posts, that is) *___* Procrastination is powerful and persistent stuff ^^"
In that vein, I was thinking of a massive pimp post, probably made of up 10 "Top 10" lists with some picspammage, of course . . . any requests or suggestions for categories of pimpage? RIght now, I'm thinking themed lists and top 10 episode lists from different shows . . . but if you have any particular requests, let me know ^_^ I'll try to put them in ^_^
*waves*
Part of this challenge comes largely from Sho and Aiba: Aiba is game for just about anything, and the crazier the food, the higher his excitement level gets:
Reference: This is when Aiba found out about rainbow-colored Goldfish crackers
I feed them to my students sometimes and chuckle to myself. What?
And as for Sho . . . well, we all know what food buddies Sho and Ohno are.
It takes a pretty spectacular example of food abuse to deter not just one, but both of these guys. The lure of food is powerful.
Oh right, and the other complication-it needs to be bad enough to get those two not to eat, yet not quite so terrible that when Ohno inevitably decides to eat it, it probably won’t kill him.
If the staff isn’t ambitious enough, members other than Ohno will eat the scary food, and the impact of the horror will be lost.
Example 1 (D no Arashi 53): cotton candy left out for a week.
Already, we can see some of the blunders here.
Sure, Sho has his ‘are you freaking kidding me?’ face properly in place, but when Aiba is looking that excited about something, you know that he is going to try it, even if it kills him. The scarier the food looks, the more excited he’s going to look: It’s for science, remember?
Fig. A: Aiba doing his part for science.
Fig. B: No, really, for science. ^^”
Fig. C: Ohno licks the same spot, also in the name of science.
Fig D: Obviously, Sho hates science. And cotton candy threesomes. It’s very sad.
So, as we can see in the first example, the staff miscalculated and set the bar too low. It never pays to underestimate Aiba’s enthusiasm for suggestive tongue use and dubious science.
30 episodes later, D no Arashi 82, staff does a much better job with a cotton candy challenge . . .
Example 2: Ohno + cotton candy dipped in liquid nitrogen:
Note Aiba's body language. Now that's what I'm talking about.
Ohno does what comes naturally . . .
Sho: You are not going to--OMG, YOU JUST ATE THAT!!! >_<;;;;
Sho: You're not really human at all, are you?
Ohno: NOM NOM NOM DELICIOUS NOM&hearts
So, when Staff-san decides to emphasize for us the complete bizarreness not only of Ohno's infamously mutant tastebuds but also his apparently unlimited equanimity and tractability . . . well, let's just say that these people are not screwing around. They go straight to the heart of food terror.
Old food. Food that's been left out or tucked away beyond all reason. And then eaten. Knowingly.
Forget the five second rule. These people are serious *___*
One of the great things about Nino is that he tells it like it is when he isn't lying through his teeth:
Nino: How about we give everyone their daily dose of fear?
Ohno: Oh, hell. This is not going to be a good day.
Apparently, Jun inexplicably messing with his pants and redoing his belt while standing onstage and in front of the camera wasn't enough fear what the hell, Jun?, so they present the other members with food well past the expiry date . . . food supposedly sent in by fans . . .
. . . and I thought I was a terrible person *__*
Almost immediately, Sho catches on to the true horror . . . why did Staff-san set up the display with rice and water?
Nino: To show you what Ohno can do. *evil cackle*
Ohno: I can . . . sing and . . . dance and . . . oh. Well, that, too.
Sho: Carry on, then. As long as we don't have to eat it. Sorry, Ohno-kun.
17 year-old crab . . . delicious . . . *__* Isn't seafood one of those things you definitely don't want to eat if it's gone off?
Jun: *sniffs* I'm pretty sure this is not a good idea.
Sho: *cringes* Guys, this is a very bad idea.
I love how Jun and Aiba also claim that this is a bad idea and Ohno shouldn't eat it but . . . somehow, I'm not convinced their hearts are in it. After all, somebody has to eat it now, and better Ohno than them.
The inspection.
The approach.
The plunge.
He thinks about it and . . .
. . . lets Nino knows that retribution is likely . . .or maybe not . . .
. . . Actually, how does one interpret this sequence of expressions?
You know . . . maybe Staff-san, and for that matter, Jun, Sho, and Aiba, aren't actually all that sadistic. Maybe they're just fans of Ohno's 'Holy crap! I'm still alive *__*" look.
Because who isn't, really?
Nino, however . . . well, he is that sadistic. Also, slightly disappointed in the final result.
It's kind of horrifying that my best-case scenario is that Ohno is an adrenaline junkie sidling up to mortality one expired can of food at a time. Meanwhile, one of his bandmates watches for the LOLs while the others offer Ohno up so that they aren't sacrificed to the gods of reaction TV while silently cursing their impotence.
But that's the scenario you're getting. *shrugs*
Speaking of which: Mystery food in an unmarked 20 year old can!
They think it's curry.
I like to think that Staff-san called all of their most eccentric pack-rat relatives to find this can.
The sniff.
*ding*
To be fair, I'd probably feed Ohno questionable foods to get him to make that face. It's quite adorable.
Plus, Jun gets to smack him, too, so it's even better.
Clearly, this is before Jun finally gave up on manners and accepted the self-preservation tactic of smelling one's food before one tries it.
I would just like to say that this is a very bad idea.
Nino has second thoughts while Sho is already resigned to the process of auditioning a new leader.
Or maybe not. On both counts.
Ohno announces that he's putting his life on the line for the show. This is by far not the last time we will hear this from Ohno or from other members of Arashi.
Help me! >_<;;
Flist, help me out here. Why is this so entertaining? Because it is. *despairs for sanity*
Guys. You already got the happy face of food recognition. Surely, this is not nec . . .
The moment of truth:
Ohno Satoshi: International Food Badass
A manly high-five of relief . . .
. . . followed by the nasty aftertaste of reality. 30 year old curry in a disintegrating can. You do the math. The math of "ew."
I . . . just. Well, we all know I didn't get into this fandom for the constant sanity and well-thought-out behavior. I guess I should just roll with it, huh?
Actually, the answer is "No." Because when you roll with it . . . Staff-san gets inventive.
No more "safe" canned food. Oh, no.
Forty-four year old cheese. And, no, I don't mean 'expensive cheese aged for 44 years.'
Cheese left out for forty-four years >_<
Also . . . they put Ohno in silly costumes. Maybe they're trying to tell him something. You know, something really subtle, like "For God's sake, man, stop eating the food, or next time we'll have to think of something even worse, like giving you a show where you're required to eat every week and sometimes, when you least expect it, well let Aiba cook whatever he wants. And if that doesn't work . . . we'll let Sho cook. We mean it this time."
In fact, that's what's written on the card. Not that Ohno listens.
Ohno's thought process: "But that means we get to eat every single week!" &hearts
I'd like to point out, as Jun does years later in Shukudai, that if you have to put on gloves to handle your food . . . it probably should not be ingested.
Ah, the sweet sweet smell of fear--Check out Ohno and Aiba. Also, Jun is flailing around offscreen, telling Ohno how bad it smells and that this is a VERY BAD IDEA, while Nino hovers in the distant background, grinning like an evil food gnome.
In case you're curious, it's hard as a rock.
Note to Ohno: This would suggest it's not actually food and you shouldn't-- damn.
Also, you have to love when they put warnings at the bottom of the screen, telling you not to do this at home *__* Only highly lucrative idols are allowed to do this kind of thing.
Sometimes, if merly old food isn't frightening enough, the food isn't just left alone . . . they do . . . things . . . to it.
Like sticking normally dehydrated foods like dried raisins or beef jerky in water and just leaving it for a day . . . or more.
No matter what Ohno says, these aren't grapes. Not anymore.
Also, they are not tasty. Regardless of anything Ohno has to say on the matter.
Seriously. Are you going to believe anything these two guys tell you?
Dehydrated meat. Set in water at room temperature for a whole day, maybe more. Does Japan have anything like OSHA? If not, it's long past due.
We are now at the point where we recognize the inevitable, and yet . . . it still is horrifying.
On the other hand, this may be the most hilarious thing I've seen all day. A day filled with Arashi.
I think we all know how this ends.
. . . with Sho weeping on the way home from work. As he does so often.
D no Arashi 76 and 112: Reminding our idols that, with enough time, and perhaps a bit of effort, even completely harmless foods can be horrifying and even dangerous.
. . .
I would be remiss if I didn't point out one of the most infamous moments of old food + Arashi hijinks, D no Arashi 64, in which the boys are taken to a derelict amusement park closed for 11 years, and then are left to fend for themselves for lunch in the abandoned snack shack. Let's put it this way: They smell many many horrible things, but only inflict one food-like substance on Ohno: 11 year old Coke. I've already spammed that episode pretty hard, so it felt silly to rehash ^^" But if you're feeling brave, go check it out ^_^ There's also an abandoned hospital and spooked idols. Fun times all around ^_^
I survived the last two weeks \o/ And I'm officially taking the weekend off \o/ Anyone want to enable my procrastination?
My next post will be #100 (of visible posts, that is) *___* Procrastination is powerful and persistent stuff ^^"
In that vein, I was thinking of a massive pimp post, probably made of up 10 "Top 10" lists with some picspammage, of course . . . any requests or suggestions for categories of pimpage? RIght now, I'm thinking themed lists and top 10 episode lists from different shows . . . but if you have any particular requests, let me know ^_^ I'll try to put them in ^_^
*waves*