Starfishing [8/?]
Title: Starfishing
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 3,809
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the human and angel characters and this is a work of fiction.
Summary: A peaceful Sunday morning is exactly what Adam wanted. But as the day goes by, his inner peace gets threatened and Tommy isn’t helping. He knew that things had been going too well.
“Sunday morning, rain is falling~”
It was a rainy Sunday morning, so Adam was singing Maroon 5’s ‘Sunday Morning’ while looking out the window in the living room. He believed that some songs were meant to be sung in specific situations. For example, he always sang Britney Spears’ ‘Oops, I did it again’ when he made the same mistake twice and Lady Gaga’s ‘Born this way’ when someone asked him why he was gay. He also sang Bruno Mars’ ‘The lazy song’ when he didn’t want to lift a finger and Panic At The Disco’s ‘Nine in the afternoon’ when he happened to look at the time at exactly 9pm.
It was his first rainy day in Heaven and it gave him new things to see. He saw angels cleaning the outside of their houses with sponges and brushes. Some of them were naked, squeezing in a free shower. Baby angels came out to play, armed with swimming goggles and water guns. There was also an angel who looked like a scientist, busy with some kind of an experiment in his front yard.
He laughed when he heard someone sing ‘Singing in the rain’ through the window. He had left it slightly open to enjoy the pitter-patter of the rain. A male angel was walking by in a red raincoat and black rain boots. It was too bad that he couldn’t go out and say hi to a kindred spirit.
“I’m not into threesomes.”
Adam smiled at Tommy’s playful tone. He closed the window and turned around. “Neither am I, unless you have a twin.”
“No, it’s just me.” Tommy flew into Adam’s arms with a bottle of spray. Adam had talked him into investing in his wings.
“Ah, one of my favorite moments of the day.” Adam kissed Tommy’s forehead and sat down with him on the floor. He had taken his potion and had gone for a run with Mike before it had started drizzling. Then he had taken a shower with a sleepy Tommy and had woken him up by touching him in all the right places. Now Tommy wanted him to give his feathers some extra nutrition.
“I think I love these heated floors the most on rainy days.” Tommy rubbed his foot on the warmer floor.
“Oh, yes. And, they’re soft enough to sleep on them.” Adam took his time kissing the top of Tommy’s wings. They always took his breath away when Tommy had them spread out wide. He was grateful that Tommy let him rub his cheek against them and play them like a harp.
“The rain’s getting stronger.” Tommy looked around to check if all the windows were shut.
“Yeah, it sounds amazing. It’s different up here. The rain falls softly on the clouds and stars.” Adam ran his fingers through the feathers, making sure all of them were in place.
“Haha, only you would like the sound of a storm coming.”
“A storm? How can you tell? Is it a power of yours?” Adam held his breath.
“Yes. I have the power to turn on the TV and watch the news.”
“When did you do that? Does this mean I let you out of my sight?” Adam let out a fake gasp.
“You were busy with your maid duties, remember?”
“Oh yes, the washing cloud.” Adam smiled. It was one of his favorite inventions in Heaven; quick and easy to operate.
“So what do you want to do today?” Tommy turned his head to look at Adam’s face. He was happy that he could stay around his boyfriend all day.
“What do angels usually do on a rainy weekend?”
“Hmm, sex. We have lots of sex and drink hot chocolate.”
“Oh, I like the sound of that even more than the rain.” Adam chuckled.
“But we’ve already done all that.” Tommy didn’t see why he couldn’t tease.
“Are you sure? Because I don’t remember any of that. You’ll have to refresh my memory.” Adam pressed his lips against Tommy’s shoulder.
“Oh, you’re lucky you’re human. If you were an angel, you would’ve lost so many points with all those lies!”
Adam chuckled and used the spray above the wings. Tommy hadn’t needed to tell him not to aim the spray directly at his feathers. He had already known from his experience of raising a parrot.
“All done, baby. You look lovely.” He turned Tommy around and kissed him on the lips. “Now let’s have breakfast and find a new place to make love.”
Tommy laughed. “Aren’t you worried your dick might chafe? After everything we did yesterday?” He was only sitting on his ass comfortably thanks to the awesome salve.
“Like I said, I don’t remember what we did.” Adam scratched the back of his head.
“If you don’t remember, how would you know which place is new?”
“I wouldn’t! I’ll pick a place and you’ll have to tell me if it’s new or not after we’re done. If it’s not new, I pick another place and we do it all over again!”
“Wow, that’s actually a good plan. But maybe I should put some self-control in your next potion.”
“Haha, you don’t mean that.” Adam pulled Tommy into his lap and nibbled at his ear. He had just grabbed a handful of angelic ass when his hand got swatted away.
“Breakfast first.”
Adam groaned, but he had to agree. He needed food; loving someone wholeheartedly required a lot of energy.
While yesterday had been all about the sex marathon, today was more about rest and conversations. And, kisses and caresses too since Adam found it impossible to keep his hands off his angel.
Adam caressed Tommy’s head that was warm in his lap. They were lounging in the living room, listening to the radio. They had pushed the round coffee table and were cocooned in the semi-circular space made by the couch. “I want you to know that yesterday was one of the best days of my life.”
Tommy giggled and booped Adam’s nose. “You said the same thing yesterday morning.”
“I did?”
“Yeah. And, on Friday morning too.”
“Well, what can I say? Every new day with you is my new favorite day.” Adam tucked the rainbow blanket firmly around Tommy’s shoulders. He wanted to keep Tommy wrapped in this blanket forever, far away from all the bad things in the world.
“I had fun too yesterday in case you couldn’t tell.” Tommy blushed. Fun times had happened all over the house. His secret favorite was against the front door where he had imagined that someone could hear them; he had left the jar of love on his doormat. His doors were soundproof, but it had been exciting to think that they were being naughty. He had also enjoyed their time on the coffee table, against the fridge, and in the shower. He knew for sure that Adam’s favorite was in the shower where their moans had echoed all over the place.
“Ah, such great memories.” Adam smiled, thinking about yesterday as well. Tommy had been perfect in his arms and he had wished more than once that he could hold onto those moments forever.
“Did Freddie call?” He asked, worried that their time might get cut short.
“Nope. I would’ve told you if he did.”
“Yeah, I just wanted to check. If he finds a way to send me back early, don’t keep it from me, okay? I don’t want you to do the heavy lifting on your own.”
“Okay.” Tommy turned his head and pecked Adam’s thigh. Adam knew how to say the right things.
“God, I think my thighs got even bigger.” Adam lifted Tommy’s head to check them out. “When I go back down, people are going to wonder how I got so fat in such a short time.”
“Don’t worry. You look perfect.” Tommy rolled his head the other way and pecked Adam on the stomach. “Tell them you were kidnapped by the chef of the Four Seasons.”
“Oh, but that wouldn’t do your place justice! I like it much better here than in a fancy hotel. And, not just because of all the heavenly touches.” Adam gestured at the furniture. “It’s cozier to stay in someone’s house and you treat me like a king. You even fed me venison when I would’ve been fine with a cheap burger.”
“Well, you’re a guest, not a slave.”
“Hmm, if you’ve ever wanted a sex slave, Tommy Joe, this is the time to tell me.” Adam wiggled his eyebrow with a grin.
“Hahaha, I wouldn’t know what to do with any kind of a slave. And, having a slave sounds like a surefire way to land in Hell without an umbrella.” Tommy shuddered.
“Aww, I can’t imagine God doing anything awful to you. You’re too adorable.” Adam bent down and kissed Tommy on the nose. “Have you ever met him?”
“Nah. We’re allowed to call him on the phone when we really need him, but I haven’t tried it yet.”
“What happens when you call? He takes your confession and offers a way to repent your sins?”
“From what I’ve heard, you can’t actually hear his voice. It all happens in your head. You feel what he’s trying to say and his forgiveness warms your soul or something.”
“So it’s a he?”
“We don’t really know. Some say it’s a ‘she’ or ‘they’. Everyone has a different opinion. Isaac thinks God is some sort of a super computer and Terrance thinks he’s a presence that exists at all times and places at once. Deep stuff.”
“What do you think?”
“I think he’s a lazy ass who gives too much of his work to his minions. And, the fact that I’m not getting kicked out right this minute is proof that he’s slacking on the job.”
“Hahaha…”
“But it doesn’t say anywhere who God really is, so maybe we’re allowed to think whatever we want. I can appreciate the freedom in that.”
“Yeah, I like that too.” Adam rubbed circles on Tommy’s neck with his thumb.
“It’s funny because I used to be an atheist.” Tommy laughed.
“Really? And, you’re a believer now?”
“Well, if he actually arranged for you to come and fall in love with me, how could I say he doesn’t exist?”
“Aww, baby… If you say things like that, how can you expect me to leave you alone?” Adam sneaked his hand under the blanket. He hoped that his touches would convey a thousand words of love.
It was evening when the weather took a turn for the worse. They had gone through slow and sweet lovemaking, a quick lunch, a long nap, and a big dinner. They were doing the dishes together when the first lightning flashed outside the kitchen window.
“Ooh, so scary.” Tommy chuckled as he was reminded of his favorite horror films.
“In five, four, three, two…” The thunder stroke before Adam could finish his countdown. “Damn it. I hope this isn’t ominous. Freddie still hasn’t called, right?”
“Haha, relax. As long as Molly doesn’t come knocking on our door again, you have nothing to be worried about.”
They both shuddered at the thought of Tommy’s persistent neighbor. She had asked far too many questions about Tommy’s subject of affection and had gotten a peek at Adam through the window. Even in this pouring rain, she had knocked on their door to let them know for a third time that Tommy and ‘Mr. Freckles’ could always drop by her place.
“I think I need tea.” Adam groaned as he remembered Molly’s overenthusiastic tone.
“Sure. Want some fruit too?” Tommy turned off the water.
“No thanks. I really should watch my weight.”
“But I think we burned off enough of your calories this weekend.” Tommy grinned as he put the kettle on the hot cloud.
“Well, I should still be careful. I can’t be too heavy on top of you.” Adam kissed the top of Tommy’s head.
“How about some mixed nuts then? You want something to go with your tea.”
“How about we look at your photo albums? I saw them on your bookshelves the other day.”
“Haha, fine. You’ll see that rainbow photos are so much cooler. I’ll make tea. You go get them.”
Adam kissed Tommy twice before he got slapped on the ass. “Ouch. That’s not a way to get rid of me, baby.”
“Just go before I change my mind.” Tommy giggled when Adam tried to steal another kiss.
“Fine. More kisses coming soon.” Adam waited for the thunder to strike to make a dramatic exit. He threw his apron on the kitchen island and sashayed out of the kitchen.
He walked into Tommy’s study, trying to contain his giggles. It was exciting to get glimpses of a Tommy that he hadn’t met yet. He turned on the lights and pulled out both of the albums. Something fell on the floor, so he bent down to pick it up. “What on earth…”
It was a flyer for his audition from 2009. It was folded, but he recognized it right away. After all, how many flyers were purple and glittery? He had wanted his future bandmates to know what type of atmosphere they’d be working in. But why did Tommy have one of these? Did he collect audition flyers? But what kind of a collector would fold the flyer and keep it loose?
“What is this, Tommy Joe?” Adam marched out to the living room. “You thought about auditioning for me?”
Tommy did his best not to freak out. How had Adam found that fucking flyer? He had thought that he had thrown it away. “Um, yeah. It was a long time ago.”
“Really? But you didn’t mention it when you told me you had auditioned for male pop singers. I’m a male pop singer too.”
Tommy wrapped his wings around himself and settled deeper into the couch. He had to tread carefully if he didn’t want to hurt Adam with his secret. “I changed my mind and didn’t go. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to think about all the things I might’ve missed. I don’t mean to assume anything, but ever since I caught you, I’ve pictured the two of us rocking together on stage.”
“Oh my god, I’ve thought about that too!” Adam put down the flyer on the coffee table and sat next to Tommy. “I even pictured us kissing on stage! At first, I figured we could do it during ‘For your entertainment’, but then I thought ‘Fever’ would be perfect too. I had a hard time choosing between the two until I realized I could just kiss you twice!”
Tommy smiled, hoping that it would reach his eyes. Maybe there was a chance that this could go his way.
“But if you changed your mind, Tommy, how come you brought it up here? You brought over a flyer for an audition you never went to?”
“I didn’t mean to. It was probably in one of my pockets when my car crashed. I brought over a few things I had on me and I guess I hadn’t emptied my pockets in a while.”
“Yeah, Mike mentioned how you passed away. I’m so sorry, baby.” Adam picked up his teacup. “Do you know what happened to the driver?”
“Yeah, Terrance tracked him down. He’s in Hell.”
“Did you go see him?”
“Nah, my trip to Hell was for fun. I do hope his fire burns brightly though.” Tommy sighed in relief and took a sip of tea. It looked like he had dodged the bullet.
“Tommy, what’s your date of rebirth?” Adam glanced at the date printed on the flyer. Despite all the answers, it felt like Tommy was still hiding something.
“My what?” Tommy put down his tea.
“I hate to ask, but when did you move up here?” Adam stared right into Tommy’s eyes.
Tommy gulped. He was trying to think, but the thunder was too loud. “Okay, fine. I lied. I did go to your audition. I didn’t want to tell you because I obviously didn’t get the job. I was embarrassed.”
“Oh my god, you just lied again! I met everyone who came that day and I never met you!”
“I told you I was fatter when I was human.”
“I’m great with names too, Tommy. Did you use an alias? Is that what you’re trying to say?”
“Adam…”
“You know what I think? I think you had that flyer on you when the accident happened because you were coming to the audition.” Adam felt the thunder shatter his heart into pieces. “But you never made it. You ended up here instead… It’s usually the simplest explanation that makes the most sense.”
Tommy swallowed hard. Damn Adam and his useful brain.
“Please tell me I’m wrong. Don’t make me ask one of your friends.” Adam pleaded with his eyes. “I’m sorry to dig into this, but if I was involved, I need to know, baby.”
Tommy sighed. “You’re not wrong. Now can we drop it and go back to our tea?”
“Forget about the fucking tea.” Adam glared at Tommy. “How could you keep this from me? How could you not tell me all this time? You took me in and fed me! You even love me!”
“It wasn’t your fault. You had nothing to do with it.”
“But I remind you of what you went through and what you lost! You’ve never had a problem looking at me? If I were you, I couldn’t stand even hearing my name!”
Tommy shrugged. “You have a good-looking face and a very nice name.”
Adam made a painful sound and opened his arms. He could tell that Tommy was putting on a brave face. What he really felt inside was showing through the tremors of his wings and the tightness in his jaw. “Come here, baby. I’m sorry I yelled. But this is unacceptable.”
Tommy burrowed his face into Adam’s chest. “It’s my death, my problem. And, it’s not like you could’ve changed my fate.”
“Let me ask you something. Do you play bass?”
“No, I don’t. Why?” Tommy wondered what that had anything to do with his fate.
He listened helplessly as Adam laughed hysterically. It had started with small, aching laughs, but it grew as strong and loud as the thunder. He imagined that this was what a dying soul sounded like. “Adam…?”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong, Tommy.” Adam wiped a few tears from his eyes. “I could’ve changed your fate because I already had Monte on the lead guitar.”
“What?” Tommy looked up into the sad blue eyes. “I don’t understand. Then why were you looking for a lead guitarist?”
“We wanted a lead guitarist who could also play bass. Monte has kids so when he couldn’t travel with me, I wanted our new bass player to fill his spot.”
“So you think you could’ve saved me if you had mentioned that in the flyer? That you were looking for someone who could also play bass?”
“I don’t know, but I would’ve loved to try! I wouldn’t have met you, but you would’ve been alive!”
“You don’t know that. If I didn’t die that way, I could’ve died some other way.”
“That audition was in 2009, Tommy. You came here in your twenties, oh my god…”
Tommy bit his lower lip. Adam had moved onto sobbing when he had never been good at consoling people. He pushed his face back into Adam’s chest and wrapped his wings around them. Why hadn’t he thrown that stupid flyer away? He was sure that he had done so, but he had changed his mind so many times that it was difficult to remember his final decision. He had apparently kept it as some kind of a twisted souvenir.
“I’m so sorry, Tommy. I don’t know what else to say.” Adam held onto his angel with every ounce of his strength.
“You don’t have to say anything. You’ll see that once you get over the shock.”
“But…”
“No buts, babyboy. You’re going to stop crying and have tea with me. Thank god we have tea cozies.”
Adam let Tommy sit up and took the teacup from his hand.
“Awesome. And, we’re done talking about this, okay? I mean it.”
Adam nodded for Tommy’s sake. It was the least that he could do. He was sure that he wouldn’t stop thinking about it though.
“Feeling better?” Tommy asked once they were settled in bed. Adam had him in an iron grip, but he didn’t have the heart to tell him to ease up on his hold.
“I don’t know. This is a lot to take in.” Adam pushed his nose into Tommy’s hair, searching for that familiar scent.
“You’ll feel better by morning.” Tommy patted Adam’s back and yawned. Trying to comfort another soul was exhausting.
Adam waited for Tommy to fall asleep before whispering into his hair, “I’m sorry, Tommy. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you…”
He had no idea how he could live with this, but it was only fair that he knew the whole truth. He had meant it when he had told Tommy that he didn’t want him to do the heavy lifting on his own. They were a couple now; it was his job and honor to share Tommy’s pain.
He squeezed his eyes shut, but it didn’t stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. He was glad that his sobs were muffled by the sound of rain. To think that he might’ve been able to extend Tommy’s life… To think that a backup plan for his band had brought so much misery… To think that Tommy still loved him against all odds…
He hadn’t thought much about it when Monte had suggested such an arrangement. Monte had told him that it wasn’t difficult to learn to play bass if you were a decent lead guitarist. Never in a million years had he imagined that it would lead to a life-or-death decision for someone he’d grow to love.
He opened his eyes and kissed Tommy’s forehead. He really was dating an angel. He could only admire Tommy’s strength and generosity and love him the way he deserved.
“We really are soulmates, aren’t we, baby? I came to you when you couldn’t come to me.” He stroked Tommy’s face with a teary smile. “I love you and I will make sure you feel it every single day.”
Tommy squirmed, so he cuddled him close and soothed him back to sleep. He prayed that all of Tommy’s pain would eventually go away. He prayed that he’d get to keep his angel beyond time and space. And, he prayed that Tommy wouldn’t feel his tears on his hair as he cried into the night.
Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time. -Maya Angelou