Mr. & Mr. Lambert [1/10]
Title: Mr. & Mr. Lambert
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff
Other characters: Sutan Amrull, Brian London, Ashley Dzerigian, Isaac Carpenter
Rating: R
Word count: 3,662
Warnings: use of weaponry, hopefully non-graphic violence, and foul language
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and this is a work of fiction.
Summary: Adam and Tommy maintain a happy marriage, trying their best to make time for each other and to keep their respective secrets hidden. It’s not easy, but they manage for now.
Six months later…
Tommy hid in the shadows and scanned the parameter. He didn’t need his binoculars or heat scanner to figure out how much competition he had. The building was crawling with people in black and all the major players had showed up for the same target. Cursing under his breath, he realized that he had to be at his absolute best tonight.
Quickly and quietly, Tommy used the glass cutter to give himself a point of entry. As soon as he was in, he checked the room for signs of danger and leapt forward. He was glad that he was skilled in Parkour. It was the most effective and quickest way to reach your destination.
After finding his way to the top floor, he slipped into the main room. Across the laser trap laid the target of his life. Finally! The One True Guitar in all its glory! How long had he waited to get his hands on that treasure? He stood there admiring it when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. It was Jimmy Hendrix doing a cartwheel. Oh, no. That wouldn’t do. No matter how much respect he had for the guy, the Guitar belonged to him.
So he went through the complex trap, using every acrobatic move in stock. He narrowly beat Hendrix to the glass case and reached out, heart thundering in his chest. He could already imagine all the amazing songs that he could play and write. But the alarm went off when he touched the neck of the Guitar.
‘Shit!’ Tommy looked around for an exit, but nobody else seemed to care about finding a way out. The alarm got louder and louder before he got sucked back into consciousness. He hadn’t triggered the security alarm. It was Adam’s fucking alarm clock.
“Fuck!” Tommy moaned at the loss. “Fuck the fuckety fuck!”
“Mm, such promising words, baby.” Adam kissed the back of Tommy’s neck. When Tommy was in one of these moods, the best way to soothe him was to kiss him a lot.
Tommy whined and turned around for a kiss on the lips. He needed some serious consolation and Adam was perfect for the job. Besides, this was all Adam’s fault. It was his alarm clock that had fucked up everything.
“What kind of a singer wakes up at eight in the morning?” Tommy grumbled after Adam had kissed most of the annoyance out of him.
‘The kind that has to stay fit to save his life,’ Adam thought and kissed Tommy again. If he woke him up enough, he might get away with dragging him out to the park.
“I know what you’re doing,” Tommy groaned as he pushed Adam away. He hated running. He ran enough already, thanks to his job.
“But it’s always more fun to run with you!” Adam tried to kiss his husband again.
“I’m your kitty, Adam, not your puppy. And, you just like to see me suffer!” Tommy snatched Adam’s pillow and nearly smothered himself.
“I can’t help it! You’re cute when you whine and hang on to me.” Adam caressed the bit of skin that showed between Tommy’s shirt and sleep pants. “You know, I could always give you a piggyback ride on the way home.”
“Adam, how many times do I need to tell you I don’t like piggyback rides?”
“But you do like those rides! Remember last month when your boner poked me in the back?”
“I wasn’t hard because of the ride! You promised me filthy things in the shower!”
“Oh, is that what it takes? Filthy promises?” Adam’s fingers crawled inside Tommy’s sleep pants.
“Usually yes. But today, I could really use more sleep.” Tommy yawned as he pulled out Adam’s hand. He would’ve reluctantly given in if his legs hadn’t been so sore. Last night’s mission had been a success, but he had never broken so many bones in one night. It didn’t help that he had only made it back home right before dawn.
“We’ve only been married for six months and love has already jumped out the window,” Adam pouted as he got out of bed.
“No worries. I’ll drag it back in once I’m fully alive.” Tommy closed his eyes.
“You promise me the sweetest things, Tommy Joe.” Adam let Tommy hug his pillow and changed clothes. The fact that Tommy had his eyes closed while he was changing meant that he was seriously sleep-deprived. Tommy usually liked to stare, blinking as little as possible.
“Just don’t let anyone grope you in the park,” Tommy reminded him.
“It’s not my fault that cats are into me. You know I have a way with pussycats.” Adam chuckled.
“Fuck off. That sounds worse than ‘kitty’,” Tommy said lightly as he went back to sleep. He loved the sound of Adam’s laughter and how his pillow smelled just like him.
When Adam came back home, Tommy was still fast asleep. He wanted to invite Tommy into the shower but resisted the urge. He didn’t want to be one of those husbands who woke up their spouses because they were too damn horny. He had vowed to put Tommy’s needs first and that was what he was going to do. So he contented himself with a kiss on Tommy’s forehead and marched into the bathroom alone.
Even his singing in the shower had been lost on Tommy and Adam had to check if he was still breathing. He sometimes had silly nightmares about Tommy vanishing in thin air because his time on Earth had run out. Tommy was the loveliest person that he had ever met. Even after six months of marriage, he couldn’t believe that Tommy had chosen to spend the rest of his life with him.
“Love you so much, Tommy Joe. If you ever want to go back to your planet, you’ll have to take me with you,” Adam whispered as he kissed his snoring husband on the head.
Giving up on welcoming Tommy back to the world anytime soon, Adam went down the secret basement and made himself useful. He always started his arsenal checkup with a kiss to their wedding picture hanging on the wall. He was dead gone on his husband and he never wanted to change.
Whenever he felt the hands of violence pull him into the dark, he pictured Tommy’s face. Ever since he had met Tommy, it had been much easier to handle his job. He fought along with his vigilante comrades, thinking about keeping the streets safer for people like Tommy. And, when he had to wash blood off his hands, he told himself that it was better to see it on his than on Tommy’s.
Actually, his cover job had gone better with Tommy’s appearance as well. He sang his heart out to him and got utterly flattered whenever Tommy praised him. These days, he even felt inspired enough to write some lyrics. His husband was his muse and he bet that nobody had a prettier muse than his.
“Adam?”
He heard Tommy’s voice when he was cleaning his favorite gun. He had set the baby monitor to pick up sounds from bugs that he had planted in the house.
“Adam? Are you around?”
Adam wrapped things up and rushed upstairs, pretending that he had just come in from the backyard. “I’m here, baby!”
“Oh, there you are.” Tommy turned around in front of the kitchen. “I was starting to think I’d have to make my own breakfast.”
“Haha, I could make you breakfast once I’ve had my own.” Adam gave Tommy a dirty smile.
“Oh, yeah?” Tommy's eyebrows went up.
“Yes. I’m going to eat you up in the kitchen, just the way you like it.”
“Well, while you do that, I’m going to have some milk.” Tommy turned around without paying much attention, knowing that it would get his husband even hotter. With any luck, he would end up naked on the kitchen table with peanut butter on his dick and a cucumber in his ass.
“Good morning, guys!” Tommy walked into the guitar shop with a happy smile.
“Morning? It’s past noon, you lazy ass.” Brian rolled his eyes, pretending that he didn’t see the huge hickey on his boss’ throat.
“It is? And, here I thought time stopped when I was with Adam.” Tommy grinned and gave Ashley a hug.
Brian sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Nobody warned me about this. I think I liked my job better when you were single.”
Ashley laughed with Tommy before asking him, “We’re going to order in from Subway. Can we get you anything?”
“No thanks, I just ate. But enjoy your lunch.”
Tommy headed upstairs, confident that the shop was in good hands. Even though it was a cover job, he adored his little guitar shop. As usual, he locked the door and pulled down the blinds before firing up his computer. He had expected to see his beautiful wallpaper, but what greeted him instead was Isaac’s not-so-beautiful face.
“Hey, TJ. I’ve been waiting for you. What’s with the pout?”
“You’re standing between me and my naked husband.”
Isaac made a strangled noise. “You have no idea how grateful I am that he covered his junk. Getting into your computer is the most traumatic part of my job!”
“That was actually my idea. Only I get to see his junk.”
“Wow, who knew your brain worked? I thought I was your brain!”
“Another word and I’m turning off the computer.”
“Then you won’t get to see your wallpaper.”
“I have pictures, duh.”
Isaac laughed. There was never a dull day at the office with Tommy. “Okay, Bubbles, first things first. The mayor passes on his gratitude for a job well done last night.”
“Great! So what does he have for me today?” Tommy liked to skip the part where he got compliments. It made him feel awkward and he knew when he had done a good job; he didn’t need a reminder.
“Today the great city of New York needs you to intercept a truck full of salt.”
“Really? We’re saving our citizens from too much salt? That actually sounds like something out of the Powerpuff Girls.”
“Eh, not exactly. The truck belongs to a cannibal who preserves his meat in salt. And, sometimes he donates the leftovers to a homeless shelter in Brooklyn and gets new food material on his way back.”
“Oh, I didn’t see that one coming. Do I have to make him talk?”
“Nah, Buttercup will do the grilling. All you need to do is get the truck.”
“Why can’t she do both?”
“Because it’s her wedding anniversary. Her husband has a reservation at a restaurant at 6:30 and the truck is scheduled to pass our spot around 7:20.”
“She’s married?” Tommy’s jaw dropped. “Who puts up with all her grumpiness?”
“Well, even you got married, so I don’t see why she couldn’t.”
“But I’m adorable! Adam always tells me so.”
“And I always tell you he needs a serious brain surgery.”
“True love is blind, man. Now send me the details while I get some target practice.”
“Okay. Make sure he doesn’t eat any part of you. Gosh, that’s disgusting.”
“Are you saying I’m pretty enough to arouse his appetite?” Tommy batted his eyelashes as he pulled out a BB gun from the drawer.
“And you wonder how Buttercup got married.”
“Can’t hear you! Bad connection! Bye!” Tommy turned off the monitor and faced the wall where his target practice was set up. He might not need a gun for his new mission, but he had to be prepared.
Bang! Bang!
He fired two shots into Bradley Bell’s eyes. Bradley was the owner of the bar where Adam sang and, more importantly, one of Adam’s ex-boyfriends whom he was still friends with. He was a spoiled rich kid who had been born in the Bell family that produced thousands of bells each year. Or that was what Tommy told himself. Adam had told him about the Bells, but he hadn’t had any intention of using his brain cells to store information on that useless piece of twink. Adam didn’t know any better, but he could tell that Adam wasn’t just a friend to him. If he were to die, Bradley wouldn’t even wait until his funeral to jump his husband’s bones.
Bang!
When Bradley’s face came around again, he gave him a bullet to the head. Then he went through Adam’s other ex-boyfriends and his creepiest fans. One thing was for sure (apart from his tremendous shooting skills): if he didn’t want to lose Adam, he would have to stay alive.
Adam was swinging from the chandelier in the living room, singing Sia’s ‘Chandelier’ of course, when he heard Tommy’s motorcycle pull in the driveway. He remembered how Tommy had been reluctant to spend so much money on the house, let alone invest in a chandelier. Getting a place in the Upper West Side had been pricey enough. But he had managed to convince his then fiancé that a true diva couldn’t sing without a chandelier and Tommy had let out a beautiful sigh.
He had also lied that his family was wealthy when in reality, he was only rich thanks to generous donations from people with deep pockets in the upscale neighborhoods of the city. Those people knew that the police could be bought off and couldn’t be trusted. But Monte’s vigilante organization got the job done and kept its mouth shut. They dealt with all kinds of bad people who stayed under the radar or had escaped the system.
“Hey, honey, I’m home, and starving!” Tommy dropped his keys in one of Adam’s ‘good spirit’ bowls near the door.
“Hey, dinner’s ready. Good day at the office?” Adam swung one last time and landed smoothly.
“You could say that,” Tommy answered as he untied his boots. He counted it as a victory that he hadn’t gotten eaten by the cannibal even though he had snapped his teeth at his fingers. “What’s for dinner?”
“Potato soup for appetizer, chicken and peas for the main dish, and apple pie for dessert.”
“Wow, you made all that? What’s the occasion?”
“You looked exhausted this morning and I had a lot of time on my hands.” Adam gave Tommy a quick kiss before taking his jacket.
“Oh, before I forget, check the pockets. I got some fine salt for you.”
“Really? How nice! Thanks.” Adam pulled out two small bottles and took a good look at them. “There aren’t any labels. Where did you get these?”
“A guy came in today with a salt truck, but he didn’t have enough money to buy a guitar for his son. He had no idea how much those babies cost. I felt bad for him and said that he could pay the rest with his salt.” Tommy winced at how smooth his lie was. He didn’t want to lie so much to his husband, but Adam would cook more happily if he didn’t know where the salt had actually come from.
“Aww, that was very nice of you. You have a big heart in that tiny rib cage.” Adam kissed his angel on the nose. “I’m so proud of you and I love you very much.”
‘Yeah, I’m sure my lies love you back...’ Tommy thought miserably as he let Adam lead him into the dining room.
Luckily, he didn’t get to feel bad for long. Adam pulled out his chair for him, opened a napkin, and placed it on his lap while sneaking in a little handjob. Then he poured him red wine with a smile sweeter than wine.
“Okay, spit it out.” Tommy poked Adam in the ribs while he was serving him soup. “I know you’re not telling me something.”
“Why would you say that?” Adam tried to look offended.
“Because you’re overdoing it. Do you have to go sing tonight at someone’s deathbed again?”
“No. But I do have to leave after dinner. Eileen called for help. Her grandmother’s not sleeping again.” Adam brought back his beloved fictional character. She was a serious insomniac who would only fall asleep to his voice.
“Can’t you sing for her on the phone? This is getting ridiculous.” Tommy murdered a pea with his fork.
“I’m sorry. I tried that and it didn’t work.”
“If you ask me, she’s faking it. She just wants a free show from a kind, handsome guy.” Tommy was furious. Tonight was zombie/human role play night and he didn’t like people taking advantage of Adam’s kindness.
“Don’t be mad, baby. I know you’ve been looking forward to tonight, but we can do it tomorrow. And, this way, you can sleep early and get more rest. More wine?”
Tommy wanted to stop Adam from getting up and knocked the wine bottle in his haste. “Oops!”
He reached out to catch the bottle before it hit the floor, but Adam jumped out of the chair and caught it first. Huh, how did Adam get to the bottle faster? Perhaps he really needed an early night. “Good catch! I’m impressed.”
“Haha, thanks. I drop my mike all the time. I guess I got quicker.” Adam swallowed the bitter lie as he poured Tommy more wine.
“Well, I like agility in a man. So hot.” Tommy grinned as Adam went back to his seat. If his foot brushed Adam’s crotch, it was both a show of gratitude for saving the wine and payback for the unfinished handjob.
“Okay, Sutan, I’m here. Talk to me,” Adam spoke into his earpiece as he parked the car.
“Go inside the store. He’s in there.”
“Inside ToysRUs?”
“Yeah. Try not to get too distracted by all the pretty things. You know what he looks like. He’ll stand out.”
“Don’t tell me he’s picking out a toy to lure his new victim.” Adam put on his cap and headed inside.
“We don’t need to know why the sick fuck is in there. All we need to know is that he won’t be doing it again.”
Adam looked around, but there was no sign of the serial child molester. There were too many people in the sizeable store. “I guess I could grab him after he goes through the counters. What are the chances that he’s both a molester and a thief?”
“That would be a good plan if he doesn’t grab a kid and leave through the back door. He could just use the toy and not buy it.”
“Shit, you’re right. I wasn’t thinking straight. This place could be a one-stop shop for him.” Adam shook his head. He had to get Tommy’s sad face out of his mind and focus on the job. He was about to go down the Lego aisle and track down the guy when a small hand tugged on his pants.
“Excuse me, sir.”
“Yes, sweetheart.” Adam looked down and saw a little girl in a princess dress.
“I know this isn’t the best place to do this, but will you marry me?” The girl held out a big, red candy ring.
“Oh, I’m sorry, princess. I’m already married.” Adam smiled.
“But you’re not wearing a ring.”
“Ah, I have it around my neck. See?” Adam showed her his wedding band.
“Are you happy?”
“Yes, I am. Tommy’s amazing.” Adam’s face lit up at the thought of his husband.
“Bah, it’s okay. I knew you were too good to be true. Bye!” The girl waved and sucked on the ring as she went back to her family.
“It must be in your destiny to get proposed by pretty princesses.” Sutan cackled.
“Stop with the jealousy and help me get this done. I left my princess in the castle unsatisfied.”
“Oh, do you want me to take care of him for you?”
Adam was going to come up with a spectacular answer, but he had finally found the guy. “Hang on. I’ve got eyes on him.”
He followed the guy into the snack aisle on the second floor and picked up a packet of bubblegum. He put two in his mouth and chewed while the guy seemed to be mulling over a lollipop and a chocolate bar. A cute boy passing by caught his attention and Adam knew that it was only a matter of time before things went ugly. So he blew the gum and tapped the guy on the shoulder. The gum exploded on the guy’s face, covering his eyes and mouth.
“Mm!!” The guy swung his fist, but Adam dodged it and twisted his arm. Before the molester could peel off the gum, Adam tied his hands behind his back with a toy stethoscope. Then he grabbed an Iron Man mask and put it on him. It was too small and the strings broke, but the gum held the mask in place.
“Perfect!” Adam grinned as he threw the guy into an empty car of the small Ferris wheel. It was going to be their ride to the first floor. It was his first time working in a toy store and he found the place amazingly resourceful.
“Sorry, passing through with a juvenile drunk brother.” Adam put some bills on the counter for the items that he had used and dragged his mark outside. As usual, he kicked him into the backseat of his car after giving him an unhealthy dose of horse tranquilizer.
“Good job, A. I trust you can take it from here? I have to see if anyone else needs my help.”
“Oh, just one last thing. I need you to locate some products inside the store. I almost forgot.”
While Sutan gave him directions, Adam rushed back into the store. When he came out in a few minutes, he was carrying a stuffed wolf for his godson, a tiara for Tommy’s niece, and a clockwork zombie for his husband. Mission accomplished.