(no subject)
I can't tell if this is funny or not. Opinions welcomed.
A Voice in the Night
INT. OFFICE -- AFTERNOON
A middle-aged BOSS sits as his desk talking to
his SECRETARY over the intercom.
BOSS
(into intercom)
Excuse me, nurse.
SECRETARY (O.S.)
Sir, I'm not a nurse. I'm your secretary.
BOSS
Oh, sorry.
(brief pause)
Listen, nurse, could you leave Jimmy a message asking
what he thinks about buying out the Girl Scout Cookie
stand over on Commerce St.?
SECRETARY
Jimmy, sir?
BOSS
Yeah, Jimmy over in Janitorial.
(brief pause - amused with himself)
Janitor Jimmy.
SECRETARY
Ok, sir.
BOSS
Have him call me back.
SECRETARY
Yes, sir.
BOSS
Oh, and if I'm not here, just tell him to leave
a message.
SECRETARY
Right, sir.
BOSS
Or, uhhhhhh, have him e-mail me at
hot4u@youngsingles.com.
SECRETARY
Ok, sir.
BOSS
Or have him instant message me at
hotfirefighter420.
SECRETARY
Yes, sir.
BOSS
Also.....tell him that he could send me a
telegram to my house.....or send a tape of morse
code.....better yet, tell him to video tape his
answer using sign language and post it to the internet.
(long pause with finger on intercom button)
Or, you know what?
SECRETARY
(annoyed)
What?
BOSS
Have him rent one of those planes that has those
messages flying behind them and tell him to make
sure the message is in pig latin. Did you get
all that, nurse?
SECRETARY
I've got an idea. Why don't I tell him to break
into your house and write his answer in lipstick
on your bathroom mirror?
BOSS
(thinks it over)
Listen, as soon as you get that message to Jimmy,
I want you to call security and have them remove
you from the premises.
SECRETARY
Sir. Sir. No, sir....
SCENE FADES
INT. CHEAP HOTEL ROOM - LATE NIGHT
An intercom sits on top of a pillow while a MAN
brushes his teeth in the bathroom. Cigarettes
have recently been put out in an ashtray on the
night stand.
SECRETARY
(through intercom)
No, sir! No.
(waking up)
Oh geez. Oh wow. It was only a dream.
MAN
(annoyed walking out of the bathroom with
toothbrush hanging from his foamy mouth)
Hey lady, you're still on my time. I ain't
payin' you to dream about some other guy, all
right?
(smiles as a thought comes to him)
Hey, how about you put that sexy, little
nightie back on, huh?
SECRETARY
Sorry, times up, pal. Leave the money on the
night stand and get on out here before I call in
Freddy.
The MAN walks over to the night stand and throws
down some money before leaning over to obscenely
lick a trail up the side of the intercom.
SECRETARY (CONT'D)
Get outta here.
The MAN walks out.
SECRETARY (CONT'D)
(calling out)
OH WAIT! CAN YOU TAKE ME OVER TO 4th and MAIN?!
I AIN'T GOT NO LEGS!
(after no response)
Damn.
The end.
A Voice in the Night
INT. OFFICE -- AFTERNOON
A middle-aged BOSS sits as his desk talking to
his SECRETARY over the intercom.
BOSS
(into intercom)
Excuse me, nurse.
SECRETARY (O.S.)
Sir, I'm not a nurse. I'm your secretary.
BOSS
Oh, sorry.
(brief pause)
Listen, nurse, could you leave Jimmy a message asking
what he thinks about buying out the Girl Scout Cookie
stand over on Commerce St.?
SECRETARY
Jimmy, sir?
BOSS
Yeah, Jimmy over in Janitorial.
(brief pause - amused with himself)
Janitor Jimmy.
SECRETARY
Ok, sir.
BOSS
Have him call me back.
SECRETARY
Yes, sir.
BOSS
Oh, and if I'm not here, just tell him to leave
a message.
SECRETARY
Right, sir.
BOSS
Or, uhhhhhh, have him e-mail me at
hot4u@youngsingles.com.
SECRETARY
Ok, sir.
BOSS
Or have him instant message me at
hotfirefighter420.
SECRETARY
Yes, sir.
BOSS
Also.....tell him that he could send me a
telegram to my house.....or send a tape of morse
code.....better yet, tell him to video tape his
answer using sign language and post it to the internet.
(long pause with finger on intercom button)
Or, you know what?
SECRETARY
(annoyed)
What?
BOSS
Have him rent one of those planes that has those
messages flying behind them and tell him to make
sure the message is in pig latin. Did you get
all that, nurse?
SECRETARY
I've got an idea. Why don't I tell him to break
into your house and write his answer in lipstick
on your bathroom mirror?
BOSS
(thinks it over)
Listen, as soon as you get that message to Jimmy,
I want you to call security and have them remove
you from the premises.
SECRETARY
Sir. Sir. No, sir....
SCENE FADES
INT. CHEAP HOTEL ROOM - LATE NIGHT
An intercom sits on top of a pillow while a MAN
brushes his teeth in the bathroom. Cigarettes
have recently been put out in an ashtray on the
night stand.
SECRETARY
(through intercom)
No, sir! No.
(waking up)
Oh geez. Oh wow. It was only a dream.
MAN
(annoyed walking out of the bathroom with
toothbrush hanging from his foamy mouth)
Hey lady, you're still on my time. I ain't
payin' you to dream about some other guy, all
right?
(smiles as a thought comes to him)
Hey, how about you put that sexy, little
nightie back on, huh?
SECRETARY
Sorry, times up, pal. Leave the money on the
night stand and get on out here before I call in
Freddy.
The MAN walks over to the night stand and throws
down some money before leaning over to obscenely
lick a trail up the side of the intercom.
SECRETARY (CONT'D)
Get outta here.
The MAN walks out.
SECRETARY (CONT'D)
(calling out)
OH WAIT! CAN YOU TAKE ME OVER TO 4th and MAIN?!
I AIN'T GOT NO LEGS!
(after no response)
Damn.
The end.