Overdue Post
Hai guys.
Yeah.. seems like I kinda disappeared for a bit. A lot has happened. Thanks for all the birthday wishes and such. On my birthday, I actually took a mini-vacation to visit Degyn, my special someone. <3 I didn't even know that the very weekend was FurFright! Not that it would make a difference, I wanted to spend time away from home and with someone I love.
He's so awesome, he really knows how to touch my heart. When I landed in Wichita at night, he was waited for me, and even had food waiting. It felt so nice spending time with him.
Kansas is a really nice place, definitely looking into moving there at this point. It's really what I'm looking for. A country-like setting but at the same time stores/shops not too far and a place that is just flourishing with jobs. Their uni looks awesome, the more I check it out, I find out more neat info! Like, they offer free music classes!! How awesome is that? :DD Heee!
But yeah, moving on, Friday he had work so I kind of worked on all sorts of drawings. And when he came over he surprised me with food! My heart fluttered when he surprised me, it made me that happy. We watched family guy together (more awesome times) and afterwards we went out and saw a movie, Where the Wild Things Are, I wasn't sure if he would like it but it turned out that he did! :3 I also got to experience Kansas' random weather, clear skies when we got in, and when we got out it started raining and it was nice actually. x3
Saturday, I saw his work. I bought some clothes and received discount. Now, I got something to wear for the winter days. x3 Afterwards, we ate at a restaurant, and had a great meal. Best food I ever had for such a cheap price! And afterwards, we relaxed for a bit. Although something came up for him and so, that was that. I didn't want to let go of him. I never felt so close to someone before, never felt so.. happy. And so after wards, I already felt down when the day was over.
Sunday came by and I wait at the airport for 4 hours to go home. Had no chance to do anything more, nor could I anyways. I'm sure some of you guys can understand why, to have someone there and the next minute gone feeling. So yeah, I had a 9 hour trip home. Stopped in Denver,CO which I should add seems like one of the busiest airports, then HOT ASS Phoenix,AZ, fucking 95F at NIGHT, heart goes out to you guys that can live in that heat. :[ Then home. Los Angeles, CA.
Stepping out, waiting at the airport, I already miss KS. Streets overcrowded with reckless drivers, people screaming over their cellphones, and stuff. It's really an eye opener to see the difference here and there.
I ended up driving home due to complications. :p It was nice to drive though, I love driving.
I ended up taking my grandpa to the market and then headed home. My mom decorated the place a bit with Happy Birthday stuffs, and a cake you find at a local grocery store. She handed me a candle and said, "They didn't have 22 so instead I got you 1" and then started trying me like a baby. o-o; At first I laughed, but then as she kept babying me I realized.. she never really seen me grow up. She missed out on watching me getting old. She always had work so it starts to make sense. I got a bit angry, I don't know how to handle her anymore. She steals my identity, opening multiple accounts with ATT and DishNetwork then does all sorts of bad things then expects me to be all happy and giddy when she throws a birthday for me? Everything she does contradicts itself.
And by the way, I found out how I can make this all go away, have my credit report look good. I would have to file a police report and then point the finger at my mom. My mother already has a criminal record, for STEALING at her work and so.. it's like... I gotta make a decision.
I can put my mom to jail, in turn I get my credit back and owe nothing to anyone
OR
Not put my mom in jail, in turn, pay for my mom's selfishness.
I don't have the heart to put my mom in jail. I don't. She won't last. It'll make life harder for everyone because of all my siblings here. We got a soon-to-be 2 year old here y'know? Trouble maker 6year old, who I had the assist principle call me to speak with my mom.
It's like.. I'd have to quit college in order to get things sorted out! This sucks.
Then I got friends who start to ask questions about girls, how they're going to hook me up with a few and it's like.. I want to tell them but if I do, I have a good feeling they would look at me differently because there's this other gay guy who is REALLY a bad example. Going around flirting with straight guys, kissing them on the check and talk about in detail of all the buttsex he had, really dirty jokes and then starts to trash talk about Christianity which above all pisses me off. Pulls the "it's cause I'm gay" discriminating card. Blargh.
But man, stress has been getting me again. It's like.. I really need a good cry. To let it all out without loosing my pride/dignity.
I bailed going to my painting class. It's just really one of those days where I can't focus anymore. So I went for a good walk with a good friend. Talked for a bit as we saw some decent scenes there. It felt good, but then I had a meeting with fellow senators so it didn't last very long. My chest started to hurt, specifically my lungs actually, it was like that all day, my stomach felt like it was on fire. A good workout I suppose? I dunno, after wards it still hurted, I couldn't even breathe well and even felt cold at one point. Is my time near? Already? I don't know.. but it's times like that that only reminds me that life is too short. I hanged in there, doing what I can to settle down and I suppose the moment I got my mind off of things, I felt better.
Rushed home, ate whatever I could, freshened up and went to work.
Work was slow but it's all good.
Here am today, went to buy some clothes for work. I had a speech to give today but I really don't feel I can give it. After yesterday, and to go infront of class talking about my dead self? No.. although I'm gonna let my instructor know. This just all means I gotta do this later in the semester.
But yeah.
Looks like I'm gonna give up my painting class this semester. 16Units is too much for me atm. I can live without it, can always take it later.
So yeah, currently spiraling all over, I'll be fine. I just need some rest. Need to get my priorities straight. Really need to make time for myself and stuff. It would be a different story if I didn't have to worry about drama home but it's just getting too much for me.
Which brings me to my next point, I mentioned earlier, I'm really thinking about moving out to Kansas. Attend the community colleges/ the universities and stuff. Maybe a year from now, we'll see. But anyways, has anyone ever moved out of state? If so, do you have any tips or suggestions? DMV? I'm gonna try and do research of my own but if you guys have links as well, that will be appreciated. ^^ I gotta wait until the end of this semester to see where I'm at, get more info, maybe take a semester off to sort the things in my life and whatnot, we'll see.
Anyhow, I'm gonna rest up a bit. I should take it easy.
See you guys around! Hope you're all doing alright. Sorry again, I haven't had the chance to read up or anything. Sorry.. I hope you all know that I do care and do read when I get the chance.
Also, here's an overdo meme, and some photos I took recently.
*************************************** Meme ****
1. art
Art.. where do I start? I've always been fascinated working with my hands. Ever since I fixed an analog alarm clock when I was a little kid, I've been fascinated with working with my hands. As a kid, I actually used to draw, but I would draw landscapes. Or at least the ones in my head. I love the good outdoors. But anyhow, movin on, it's been an on and off thing for me. When I was 16 I drew and uploaded my first drawing of a dragon. And since then, just amused by it. But you know, my real interest comes from da Vinci, Michaelanglo, Picasso, all those big guys. Something about being able to express feelings, conveying inner thoughts that can't be put into words is just something I wish I can do. Mona Lisa changed the world, perhaps one day, a painting of mine can have such an effect as well. One day.
2. dreams
Dreams... depends which one you mean. I'm gonna assume dreams of the future.
A lot of my life I've seen darkness. I've seen the worse of people. I've been through a lot apparent, and you know, I just want to change it. Change how society behaves. We're livin in times where money are issues when really, we should stop and hold those who are dear to us before they're gone because money won't even bring them back. I have dreams to inspire others, I hope that one day, whether the music I play, the art I create, or people I listen/talk to will understand there are people that care, that one person can make a difference. We can't dwell on our sadness, you have to realize that people sacrificed themselves to live in a land where our ideas can florish freely or respectively. But err.. yeah, dreams, I have lots of them. Of the future, and even nightmares.
3. gaming
You know, oddly, I'm not really much of a gamer. I love my games but I end up giving them away. I'm too giving for my own good. I figure I can always buy one later in the future, at a much cheaper price. I USED to play A LOT though, Dreamcast is where I put a lot of hours in. Don't get me wrong, SNES/PSX(YES psX!) did as well but man.. Phantasy Star Online, Skies of Arcadia, Sonic, good stuff. <3
4. dragons
So much to say, where to start? You know, I'm not sure what the origins were when I started noticing them. I just felt like I always have. As a kid I remember going through encyclopedia books when I was bored, so perhaps I saw them in there. And then I started reading a book or two and then saw movies and it just kinda grew. Otherwise, if it's not obvious, I love dragons! :]
5. friends
They come and go. I've met so many and believe this or not, the best ones I found are over the internet. Although there are probably 2-3 I met around here but after going through so many with their corrupted hearts.. that's quite a number. although those of you that I met online,you guys are awesome. ^_^
6. philosophy
Whenever I think, I really think. You'll know this if you ever see me. You'll think something is wrong, some people tell me I look mad or something lol but nah. I sort of enter a meditative state where I can't even see infront of me even if my eyes are wide open. But yeah.. philosophy.. Life is what you make it. Do what makes you happy. Keep working hard at it, and it'll pay off.
7. college
I don't think I will ever fade away from the college scene. I love learning new things, I'm a really curious person. I like learning how things work or why things are the way they are. Plus, you can never stop learning. Art/Music kind of teach you this. Something you can never master. The college environment is awesome, get to meet new people, hang out, and all sorts of things. It's better than the real world that's for sure! x3
Meee. Hair still growin'. I was having dinner with two friends of mine.
Calzone. The bessst in the city! <3 10bux gets you this and unlimited refills of drinks. :3
Local park area.
Told my friend to lets get off the track and actually walk within the area. Had to slide down a hill. lol
It was nice... I guess? A lot of things seem dead around here. Went further in but we were actually more afraid of bums than snakes or raccoons and we also saw Stray in there! xD
Yep. Where one of the fires that happened around here. Oh yeah, can you say yay to oil refinery? :[ You guys have nooo idea how lucky you are to have a decent forest-y area.
Alright so time to get down from this platform...
Oh shit, it's missing stairs. :P Yes, I'm that adventurous. And that's my friend down there! :3
I'm on the right side, third row, you'll see that red sweater/blue shirt stand out. ;]
I haz no more pix. I should buy a camera already :B
That's all folks!
Yeah.. seems like I kinda disappeared for a bit. A lot has happened. Thanks for all the birthday wishes and such. On my birthday, I actually took a mini-vacation to visit Degyn, my special someone. <3 I didn't even know that the very weekend was FurFright! Not that it would make a difference, I wanted to spend time away from home and with someone I love.
He's so awesome, he really knows how to touch my heart. When I landed in Wichita at night, he was waited for me, and even had food waiting. It felt so nice spending time with him.
Kansas is a really nice place, definitely looking into moving there at this point. It's really what I'm looking for. A country-like setting but at the same time stores/shops not too far and a place that is just flourishing with jobs. Their uni looks awesome, the more I check it out, I find out more neat info! Like, they offer free music classes!! How awesome is that? :DD Heee!
But yeah, moving on, Friday he had work so I kind of worked on all sorts of drawings. And when he came over he surprised me with food! My heart fluttered when he surprised me, it made me that happy. We watched family guy together (more awesome times) and afterwards we went out and saw a movie, Where the Wild Things Are, I wasn't sure if he would like it but it turned out that he did! :3 I also got to experience Kansas' random weather, clear skies when we got in, and when we got out it started raining and it was nice actually. x3
Saturday, I saw his work. I bought some clothes and received discount. Now, I got something to wear for the winter days. x3 Afterwards, we ate at a restaurant, and had a great meal. Best food I ever had for such a cheap price! And afterwards, we relaxed for a bit. Although something came up for him and so, that was that. I didn't want to let go of him. I never felt so close to someone before, never felt so.. happy. And so after wards, I already felt down when the day was over.
Sunday came by and I wait at the airport for 4 hours to go home. Had no chance to do anything more, nor could I anyways. I'm sure some of you guys can understand why, to have someone there and the next minute gone feeling. So yeah, I had a 9 hour trip home. Stopped in Denver,CO which I should add seems like one of the busiest airports, then HOT ASS Phoenix,AZ, fucking 95F at NIGHT, heart goes out to you guys that can live in that heat. :[ Then home. Los Angeles, CA.
Stepping out, waiting at the airport, I already miss KS. Streets overcrowded with reckless drivers, people screaming over their cellphones, and stuff. It's really an eye opener to see the difference here and there.
I ended up driving home due to complications. :p It was nice to drive though, I love driving.
I ended up taking my grandpa to the market and then headed home. My mom decorated the place a bit with Happy Birthday stuffs, and a cake you find at a local grocery store. She handed me a candle and said, "They didn't have 22 so instead I got you 1" and then started trying me like a baby. o-o; At first I laughed, but then as she kept babying me I realized.. she never really seen me grow up. She missed out on watching me getting old. She always had work so it starts to make sense. I got a bit angry, I don't know how to handle her anymore. She steals my identity, opening multiple accounts with ATT and DishNetwork then does all sorts of bad things then expects me to be all happy and giddy when she throws a birthday for me? Everything she does contradicts itself.
And by the way, I found out how I can make this all go away, have my credit report look good. I would have to file a police report and then point the finger at my mom. My mother already has a criminal record, for STEALING at her work and so.. it's like... I gotta make a decision.
I can put my mom to jail, in turn I get my credit back and owe nothing to anyone
OR
Not put my mom in jail, in turn, pay for my mom's selfishness.
I don't have the heart to put my mom in jail. I don't. She won't last. It'll make life harder for everyone because of all my siblings here. We got a soon-to-be 2 year old here y'know? Trouble maker 6year old, who I had the assist principle call me to speak with my mom.
It's like.. I'd have to quit college in order to get things sorted out! This sucks.
Then I got friends who start to ask questions about girls, how they're going to hook me up with a few and it's like.. I want to tell them but if I do, I have a good feeling they would look at me differently because there's this other gay guy who is REALLY a bad example. Going around flirting with straight guys, kissing them on the check and talk about in detail of all the buttsex he had, really dirty jokes and then starts to trash talk about Christianity which above all pisses me off. Pulls the "it's cause I'm gay" discriminating card. Blargh.
But man, stress has been getting me again. It's like.. I really need a good cry. To let it all out without loosing my pride/dignity.
I bailed going to my painting class. It's just really one of those days where I can't focus anymore. So I went for a good walk with a good friend. Talked for a bit as we saw some decent scenes there. It felt good, but then I had a meeting with fellow senators so it didn't last very long. My chest started to hurt, specifically my lungs actually, it was like that all day, my stomach felt like it was on fire. A good workout I suppose? I dunno, after wards it still hurted, I couldn't even breathe well and even felt cold at one point. Is my time near? Already? I don't know.. but it's times like that that only reminds me that life is too short. I hanged in there, doing what I can to settle down and I suppose the moment I got my mind off of things, I felt better.
Rushed home, ate whatever I could, freshened up and went to work.
Work was slow but it's all good.
Here am today, went to buy some clothes for work. I had a speech to give today but I really don't feel I can give it. After yesterday, and to go infront of class talking about my dead self? No.. although I'm gonna let my instructor know. This just all means I gotta do this later in the semester.
But yeah.
Looks like I'm gonna give up my painting class this semester. 16Units is too much for me atm. I can live without it, can always take it later.
So yeah, currently spiraling all over, I'll be fine. I just need some rest. Need to get my priorities straight. Really need to make time for myself and stuff. It would be a different story if I didn't have to worry about drama home but it's just getting too much for me.
Which brings me to my next point, I mentioned earlier, I'm really thinking about moving out to Kansas. Attend the community colleges/ the universities and stuff. Maybe a year from now, we'll see. But anyways, has anyone ever moved out of state? If so, do you have any tips or suggestions? DMV? I'm gonna try and do research of my own but if you guys have links as well, that will be appreciated. ^^ I gotta wait until the end of this semester to see where I'm at, get more info, maybe take a semester off to sort the things in my life and whatnot, we'll see.
Anyhow, I'm gonna rest up a bit. I should take it easy.
See you guys around! Hope you're all doing alright. Sorry again, I haven't had the chance to read up or anything. Sorry.. I hope you all know that I do care and do read when I get the chance.
Also, here's an overdo meme, and some photos I took recently.
*************************************** Meme ****
1. art
Art.. where do I start? I've always been fascinated working with my hands. Ever since I fixed an analog alarm clock when I was a little kid, I've been fascinated with working with my hands. As a kid, I actually used to draw, but I would draw landscapes. Or at least the ones in my head. I love the good outdoors. But anyhow, movin on, it's been an on and off thing for me. When I was 16 I drew and uploaded my first drawing of a dragon. And since then, just amused by it. But you know, my real interest comes from da Vinci, Michaelanglo, Picasso, all those big guys. Something about being able to express feelings, conveying inner thoughts that can't be put into words is just something I wish I can do. Mona Lisa changed the world, perhaps one day, a painting of mine can have such an effect as well. One day.
2. dreams
Dreams... depends which one you mean. I'm gonna assume dreams of the future.
A lot of my life I've seen darkness. I've seen the worse of people. I've been through a lot apparent, and you know, I just want to change it. Change how society behaves. We're livin in times where money are issues when really, we should stop and hold those who are dear to us before they're gone because money won't even bring them back. I have dreams to inspire others, I hope that one day, whether the music I play, the art I create, or people I listen/talk to will understand there are people that care, that one person can make a difference. We can't dwell on our sadness, you have to realize that people sacrificed themselves to live in a land where our ideas can florish freely or respectively. But err.. yeah, dreams, I have lots of them. Of the future, and even nightmares.
3. gaming
You know, oddly, I'm not really much of a gamer. I love my games but I end up giving them away. I'm too giving for my own good. I figure I can always buy one later in the future, at a much cheaper price. I USED to play A LOT though, Dreamcast is where I put a lot of hours in. Don't get me wrong, SNES/PSX(YES psX!) did as well but man.. Phantasy Star Online, Skies of Arcadia, Sonic, good stuff. <3
4. dragons
So much to say, where to start? You know, I'm not sure what the origins were when I started noticing them. I just felt like I always have. As a kid I remember going through encyclopedia books when I was bored, so perhaps I saw them in there. And then I started reading a book or two and then saw movies and it just kinda grew. Otherwise, if it's not obvious, I love dragons! :]
5. friends
They come and go. I've met so many and believe this or not, the best ones I found are over the internet. Although there are probably 2-3 I met around here but after going through so many with their corrupted hearts.. that's quite a number. although those of you that I met online,you guys are awesome. ^_^
6. philosophy
Whenever I think, I really think. You'll know this if you ever see me. You'll think something is wrong, some people tell me I look mad or something lol but nah. I sort of enter a meditative state where I can't even see infront of me even if my eyes are wide open. But yeah.. philosophy.. Life is what you make it. Do what makes you happy. Keep working hard at it, and it'll pay off.
7. college
I don't think I will ever fade away from the college scene. I love learning new things, I'm a really curious person. I like learning how things work or why things are the way they are. Plus, you can never stop learning. Art/Music kind of teach you this. Something you can never master. The college environment is awesome, get to meet new people, hang out, and all sorts of things. It's better than the real world that's for sure! x3
Meee. Hair still growin'. I was having dinner with two friends of mine.
Calzone. The bessst in the city! <3 10bux gets you this and unlimited refills of drinks. :3
Local park area.
Told my friend to lets get off the track and actually walk within the area. Had to slide down a hill. lol
It was nice... I guess? A lot of things seem dead around here. Went further in but we were actually more afraid of bums than snakes or raccoons and we also saw Stray in there! xD
Yep. Where one of the fires that happened around here. Oh yeah, can you say yay to oil refinery? :[ You guys have nooo idea how lucky you are to have a decent forest-y area.
Alright so time to get down from this platform...
Oh shit, it's missing stairs. :P Yes, I'm that adventurous. And that's my friend down there! :3
I'm on the right side, third row, you'll see that red sweater/blue shirt stand out. ;]
I haz no more pix. I should buy a camera already :B
That's all folks!