(no subject)
so you know when things just get so bad/stressful that you want so badly to just give up? but you know you can't because so many people are depending on you to come through. and you know that if you give up it won't ever work out, so you just keep going because you don't have any other choice.
well that's how i feel right now. and my dad has called 3 times since i posted yesterday, but i've been avoiding his calls. because i can't talk to him. i'll just start hysterically crying like i was yesterday. and i can't do that. every time he calls i think in the back of my head that maybe this time it will be different and he's calling to apologize for being so mean to me yesterday. but no such luck. he just keeps calling to remind me that i better have money for him this week. and i'm like thanks dad, if it wasn't bad enough the 2434759837 times you told me already, you have to keep bringing it up. does he think i'm not trying? i mean honestly, i'm doing everything i can. but it's really hard when some other people won't cooperate. and in order to get this worked out, i need all 6 of the girls to work with me. but when only 2 are, it's kinda tough.
but i did talk to laura today and we're going to anitra's tomorrow, so hopefully she'll be free and can at least tell me if she can help. that's all i need.
some people need to learn not to make promises that they never intended on keeping. but i really am so appreciative of all that laura and michelle have been doing to help me out. they're at least trying, and that's more than i can ask them. and i think that if i was friends at all with the other 4 girls they might be more willing to help me out. but i feel like they think it's not their problem. like they don't care how much this is affecting me. and if i have to, i'll go talk to them myself, but i really hope it doesn't have to come to that, because that would just be shkeeva.
so hopefully tomorrow i'll have some kind of answer for my dad so i don't have to keep avoiding him. and i can't even call home to talk to my mom because i'm afraid he might pick up. and that would be bad, because i would have to hang up. and i can only avoid him for so long. so i really hope tomorrow is a good day, we'll see.
well that's how i feel right now. and my dad has called 3 times since i posted yesterday, but i've been avoiding his calls. because i can't talk to him. i'll just start hysterically crying like i was yesterday. and i can't do that. every time he calls i think in the back of my head that maybe this time it will be different and he's calling to apologize for being so mean to me yesterday. but no such luck. he just keeps calling to remind me that i better have money for him this week. and i'm like thanks dad, if it wasn't bad enough the 2434759837 times you told me already, you have to keep bringing it up. does he think i'm not trying? i mean honestly, i'm doing everything i can. but it's really hard when some other people won't cooperate. and in order to get this worked out, i need all 6 of the girls to work with me. but when only 2 are, it's kinda tough.
but i did talk to laura today and we're going to anitra's tomorrow, so hopefully she'll be free and can at least tell me if she can help. that's all i need.
some people need to learn not to make promises that they never intended on keeping. but i really am so appreciative of all that laura and michelle have been doing to help me out. they're at least trying, and that's more than i can ask them. and i think that if i was friends at all with the other 4 girls they might be more willing to help me out. but i feel like they think it's not their problem. like they don't care how much this is affecting me. and if i have to, i'll go talk to them myself, but i really hope it doesn't have to come to that, because that would just be shkeeva.
so hopefully tomorrow i'll have some kind of answer for my dad so i don't have to keep avoiding him. and i can't even call home to talk to my mom because i'm afraid he might pick up. and that would be bad, because i would have to hang up. and i can only avoid him for so long. so i really hope tomorrow is a good day, we'll see.