I HAVE BEEN BUSY.
If you do not wish to hear the tale of stress and ZOMG CAPSLOCK WOE, you do not have to click here.
On Monday the 18th wizardpen asks re: moving in with aingeal1. I knew this was coming and had already decided to let him if it could be swung financially. It sort of can.
Financial stress levels therefrom are high at the moment. More sorting-out has to happen soon.
On the 21st my dad decides to have a conversation with me via text message. Y'know, the day EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME knows not to expect me to be rational or nice? He has probably learned better than to do that again. :\
Friday the 22nd things started coming to a head regarding worry about some couples I know heading towards BreakUpLand, and that night there was a misunderstanding with one particular party. Who may still be avoiding me somewhat. I can't tell.
I will not be sharing all the details of the weird health stuff, but after MY HAIR STARTED FALLING OUT on Friday the 29th, I did some research on what causes the sorts of hormone changes and weird pains and symptoms I've got going on. According to wrongdiagnosis.com I probably have either Polycystic Ovary Syndrome or a Gluten Sensitivity. Since Tuesday I have been on the Liver Cleansing Diet and have been avoiding all wheat and gluten-containing everything. It is really not easy, and I have new respect for my friends with Celiac and other autoimmune disorders because THIS SHIT IS JUST NOT ON.
I have lost six pounds in four days. :( It was not water retention, either. :(( The diet makes you hella tired, because even though it is not calorie-restricting, it wears you out to change your metabolism even in relatively small ways. I'm forgoing refined sugar, partially hydrogenated oils, fried foods, dairy products, red meat, and wheat. I am grateful for the existence of hummus, without which I would be begging piteously in the streets for sushi, which I cannot afford. :(((
And now I have to go back to a doctor and convince her to take me seriously and put me on birth control. Which I then have to pay for (see above financial uncertainty).
I've been suppressing the panic over the health stuff admirably, but it comes out in my dreams. When I'm asleep I'm trying to do something important, but one situation after another goes wrong, and nobody listens or helps, and things spiral out of control so that I'm waking up tense and tired. My dreams can shut the hell up. Also, I'm having the angel dreams again. They're beautiful, but never a good sign for my mental health.
And the strain of compartmentalizing is not making it easy to do my job. I'm still being a good therapist by the skin of my teeth, but I can tell I'm not quite as focused or present as I should be, and that bothers me, too.
That is what I have been doing instead of commenting y'all's posts. Things will calm down by the fifteenth, and I promise not to kill anybody or shake people 'til they make sense. But right now I'm a bit on edge.
On Monday the 18th wizardpen asks re: moving in with aingeal1. I knew this was coming and had already decided to let him if it could be swung financially. It sort of can.
Financial stress levels therefrom are high at the moment. More sorting-out has to happen soon.
On the 21st my dad decides to have a conversation with me via text message. Y'know, the day EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME knows not to expect me to be rational or nice? He has probably learned better than to do that again. :\
Friday the 22nd things started coming to a head regarding worry about some couples I know heading towards BreakUpLand, and that night there was a misunderstanding with one particular party. Who may still be avoiding me somewhat. I can't tell.
I will not be sharing all the details of the weird health stuff, but after MY HAIR STARTED FALLING OUT on Friday the 29th, I did some research on what causes the sorts of hormone changes and weird pains and symptoms I've got going on. According to wrongdiagnosis.com I probably have either Polycystic Ovary Syndrome or a Gluten Sensitivity. Since Tuesday I have been on the Liver Cleansing Diet and have been avoiding all wheat and gluten-containing everything. It is really not easy, and I have new respect for my friends with Celiac and other autoimmune disorders because THIS SHIT IS JUST NOT ON.
I have lost six pounds in four days. :( It was not water retention, either. :(( The diet makes you hella tired, because even though it is not calorie-restricting, it wears you out to change your metabolism even in relatively small ways. I'm forgoing refined sugar, partially hydrogenated oils, fried foods, dairy products, red meat, and wheat. I am grateful for the existence of hummus, without which I would be begging piteously in the streets for sushi, which I cannot afford. :(((
And now I have to go back to a doctor and convince her to take me seriously and put me on birth control. Which I then have to pay for (see above financial uncertainty).
I've been suppressing the panic over the health stuff admirably, but it comes out in my dreams. When I'm asleep I'm trying to do something important, but one situation after another goes wrong, and nobody listens or helps, and things spiral out of control so that I'm waking up tense and tired. My dreams can shut the hell up. Also, I'm having the angel dreams again. They're beautiful, but never a good sign for my mental health.
And the strain of compartmentalizing is not making it easy to do my job. I'm still being a good therapist by the skin of my teeth, but I can tell I'm not quite as focused or present as I should be, and that bothers me, too.
That is what I have been doing instead of commenting y'all's posts. Things will calm down by the fifteenth, and I promise not to kill anybody or shake people 'til they make sense. But right now I'm a bit on edge.