Motivation...
a long journal to just get some things off my chest.
I've felt really unmotivated lately..I think it may just be a result of my classes not giving me almost no homework though (not that I'm complaining). I think I'm just becoming lazy. Although, I really don't like being unmotivated. I like being busy (especially with doing things I enjoy) . I was kind of hoping my commissions would be at least a little more successful to at least get me working (and some cash in my pocket) but I suppose I should have seen that coming.
I've also been having a lot of strange and distressing dreams lately and haven't been sleeping well, so that may be contributing to things too. Yet, I'm forgetting the dreams more quickly than I used to and only can remember the general gist of them and how much they startled me. I wonder if there's a trend in something I do before I sleep that are causing these that I can prevent.
I began reading the memoir Lucky by Alice Sebold today. It's...depressing. Again, this may contribute to the motivation-less self. I've noticed that I tend to gravitate towards books that have at least some sort of sexual issue that has terribly disturbing or sad consquences
like Speak or The Kite Runner. I think it's because that the thought of myself being in those kind of situations is utterly terrifying and it helps me get into the books more. Am I a masochist? perhaps.
For some reason I also began reminsicing about a friend of mine (who's still a friend of mine today) who's done so much for me. I think it may because of Alice's friend in Lucky..who knows. It just made me realize how gratful I am for her, and how many issues (both big and small) we've been through that have caused tension and even distress. Although, here we are today. I'm still terribly surprised that she's been able to tolerate me for so long, the poor dear, I beat up on her so much in middle school!
It feels like I have so much on the brain right now...to-do lists and random thoughts like some of those mentioned above. I'm really not quite sure to make of all of it, whether it's just some bizarre slump or what. I think if I may a list I'll be able to organize myself more.
THAT LIST.
DEAR SELF...
1. Meghan, in debate on Wednesday you have to create a speech opposing Proposition Eight. You have an idea of what you're doing but it's not enough. Do more research and organize your outline more and practice in front of a mirror. Don't get shaky, this is a topic you feel strongly about and you'll be able to present yourself strongly
2. do that lab for chemistry, it's worth a lot of points (even if it's just watching water boil)
3. Read more of Lucky, but try to balance it out with Eyeshield 21. Seeing who wins the game is important too!
4. In a little over a week your presentation on The Bends is due. You still need to think of a creative way to present it. Perhaps fish out some fins and a snorkel? You also need to finish that
5. Try to work (and get the others) to work on SWITCH more. You know if everyone is motivated enough it's something that could be completed in a week.
6. Figure out your IP group, even if you don't want to think about it.
7. TRY to draw, your soul will die if you don't
8. wear your pajamas inside out. you want a snow day.
oh, and flush some ice down the toilet, too.
9. Edit your prose for English.
10. Cut out some of the coat tails for your cosplay, especially if you're just sitting at the computer like a lazyass with nothing else to do.
11. Plan out what you'll be doing for the convention(s)
12. Give those candycanes to friends.
13. Figure out a way to make your mask
14. Post for people