Happy Holidays from the Serrett Family
My sister has decided that we too (mom, dad, her, and I) need to send out one of those sappy Christmas letters that everyone seems to be so fond of this time over year. So here, without further ado is the letter;
O! And seriously the part about my grandparents is true...please read on...
December 3, 2008
Dear Family and Friends,
About this time every year, we start to receive dozens of letters from the extended family detailing the great and wonderful adventures you’ve all had over the past few months. This year, the Serretts decided it would be fun to send out a letter of our own, just so that everyone can know how fantastic things are going for us despite the economy, war, and environmental crisis.
We’ll start at the top and work our way down. This year was especially eventful for Grandma and Grandpa Serrett. The highest point was when Grandpa Serrett fell in the street outside their house and broke his hip. Of course, he then needed hip replacement surgery and a short hospital stay. Grandpa, never one to let others do for him what he is pretty sure he can do for himself at home with a thirty year old power tool, tried to escape the hospital more than once. Luckily, the staff was eventually able to convince him to stay using large amounts of morphine and the 24 hour sports channel. The highlight of the whole experience was when he held off his Mexican nurse with a cane, and informed her that he’d “fought her people in the war.” We just thank God that Grandma Serrett is so senile at this point that she has no recollection of the whole episode.
Mom and Dad (Gina and Gary), are doing particularly well this year. Despite the two month long Boeing Strike and the current threat of layoffs, Mom is thrilled with her position as Parts Expediter in Flight Test. Happily, she has the evening shift and works seven days a week, so our interactions with her have been reduced to notes scribble on scratch paper and the occasional threat of a day off “sometime in the next few weeks.” Through the Grace of God (known around here as the “Machinist Union”) she’s also been given a substantial pay raise. As a result, Dad feels that our family is more financially solvent then ever before. He has decided to quit his job at Western Trailer Repair and open “Happy Gary’s Dachshund Rescue.” Your donations will be appreciated.
Carly has finally decided to make an honest man out of her boyfriend, Andy Darcher. They have agreed to marry in October 2009. They are planning on a Dungeons and Dragons themed ceremony, so please choose your race and class affiliation in advance. Dad is very pleased about their engagement, as Andy will be a welcome source of free labor at Happy Gary’s (that’s a copy write, by the way). Mom may or may not be aware of the impending marriage as the note we left for her announcing the engagement was ingested by Willie (our corgi) who expressed his joy over the whole situation by vomiting on Mom’s work boots. As a side note, Carly isn’t sure whether she should take Andy’s last name and become “Carly Darcher” or if she wants to make a hybrid name and become “Carly Darcherette.” There will be a vote at the ceremony, so keep that in mind.
As for myself, 2008 was an extra special adventure. My year began with a long recovery from a surgery performed to remove a small, benign twin growing inside my abdomen. The twin (which we have dubbed “Lucille”) was successfully excised. She is now living in Astoria and appears very happy. The year also marked a change in religious affiliations for me-I am no longer an “atheist” per se as I have discovered (thanks Carly) that Catholicism is where the free money’s at. The downside to being Catholic is confession, which isn’t necessarily bad, but I find that the priests are displeased with my habit of speaking in tongues and spitting pea soup through the grate. Also, it’s been several months and so far no cash. I’m planning to query the Vatican about this issue, so plan on a short update to follow.
Now keep in mind that some of these events may have been exaggerated for artistic purposes. Except for the parts about Grandpa in the hospital-that’s too crazy to make up.
With humor and best wishes,
Lindsay Serrett
O! And seriously the part about my grandparents is true...please read on...
December 3, 2008
Dear Family and Friends,
About this time every year, we start to receive dozens of letters from the extended family detailing the great and wonderful adventures you’ve all had over the past few months. This year, the Serretts decided it would be fun to send out a letter of our own, just so that everyone can know how fantastic things are going for us despite the economy, war, and environmental crisis.
We’ll start at the top and work our way down. This year was especially eventful for Grandma and Grandpa Serrett. The highest point was when Grandpa Serrett fell in the street outside their house and broke his hip. Of course, he then needed hip replacement surgery and a short hospital stay. Grandpa, never one to let others do for him what he is pretty sure he can do for himself at home with a thirty year old power tool, tried to escape the hospital more than once. Luckily, the staff was eventually able to convince him to stay using large amounts of morphine and the 24 hour sports channel. The highlight of the whole experience was when he held off his Mexican nurse with a cane, and informed her that he’d “fought her people in the war.” We just thank God that Grandma Serrett is so senile at this point that she has no recollection of the whole episode.
Mom and Dad (Gina and Gary), are doing particularly well this year. Despite the two month long Boeing Strike and the current threat of layoffs, Mom is thrilled with her position as Parts Expediter in Flight Test. Happily, she has the evening shift and works seven days a week, so our interactions with her have been reduced to notes scribble on scratch paper and the occasional threat of a day off “sometime in the next few weeks.” Through the Grace of God (known around here as the “Machinist Union”) she’s also been given a substantial pay raise. As a result, Dad feels that our family is more financially solvent then ever before. He has decided to quit his job at Western Trailer Repair and open “Happy Gary’s Dachshund Rescue.” Your donations will be appreciated.
Carly has finally decided to make an honest man out of her boyfriend, Andy Darcher. They have agreed to marry in October 2009. They are planning on a Dungeons and Dragons themed ceremony, so please choose your race and class affiliation in advance. Dad is very pleased about their engagement, as Andy will be a welcome source of free labor at Happy Gary’s (that’s a copy write, by the way). Mom may or may not be aware of the impending marriage as the note we left for her announcing the engagement was ingested by Willie (our corgi) who expressed his joy over the whole situation by vomiting on Mom’s work boots. As a side note, Carly isn’t sure whether she should take Andy’s last name and become “Carly Darcher” or if she wants to make a hybrid name and become “Carly Darcherette.” There will be a vote at the ceremony, so keep that in mind.
As for myself, 2008 was an extra special adventure. My year began with a long recovery from a surgery performed to remove a small, benign twin growing inside my abdomen. The twin (which we have dubbed “Lucille”) was successfully excised. She is now living in Astoria and appears very happy. The year also marked a change in religious affiliations for me-I am no longer an “atheist” per se as I have discovered (thanks Carly) that Catholicism is where the free money’s at. The downside to being Catholic is confession, which isn’t necessarily bad, but I find that the priests are displeased with my habit of speaking in tongues and spitting pea soup through the grate. Also, it’s been several months and so far no cash. I’m planning to query the Vatican about this issue, so plan on a short update to follow.
Now keep in mind that some of these events may have been exaggerated for artistic purposes. Except for the parts about Grandpa in the hospital-that’s too crazy to make up.
With humor and best wishes,
Lindsay Serrett