hopefully you haven't already seen this a million times...
Dear Red States...
>
> We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
> we're taking the other Blue States with us.
>
> In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
> Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
> believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
> to the people of the new country of New California.
>
> To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
> We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
> Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
>
> We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
> We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
> We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
> We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
> get Alabama.
> We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
> pay their fair share.
>
> Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
> Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
> bunch of single moms.
>
> Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
> anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
> once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
> kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
> purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
> children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
> hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
> resources in Bush's Quagmire.
>
> With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
> of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
> and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
> America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
> 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
> of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
> condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
> Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
>
> With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
> percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
> costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
> tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
> Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
> Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
>
> We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
>
> Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
> actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
> unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
> that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
> in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
> with higher morals then we lefties.
>
> By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
> weed they grow in Mexico.
>
> Peace out,
> Blue States
>
> We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
> we're taking the other Blue States with us.
>
> In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
> Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
> believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
> to the people of the new country of New California.
>
> To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
> We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
> Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
>
> We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
> We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
> We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
> We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
> get Alabama.
> We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
> pay their fair share.
>
> Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
> Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
> bunch of single moms.
>
> Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
> anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
> once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
> kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
> purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
> children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
> hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
> resources in Bush's Quagmire.
>
> With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
> of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
> and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
> America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
> 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
> of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
> condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
> Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
>
> With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
> percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
> costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
> tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
> Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
> Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
>
> We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
>
> Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
> actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
> unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
> that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
> in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
> with higher morals then we lefties.
>
> By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
> weed they grow in Mexico.
>
> Peace out,
> Blue States