BAMMMM
THIS IS DEDICATED to a little boopie out in the world who understands
the importance of "probes of the world" being the theme for the next
senior wall, who never eats TOfu, but who always eats toFU, who has hair that curls like a fifties housewife ON IT'S OWN, and who seriosly deserves unending pink-cookies.
[Mr. Schoener opens door]
Mr. Schoener: [with strange accent] Brian! You're right on time! Come in, please!
[they enter the apartment]
Brian: Hey, thanks for having us over, Mr. Schoener.
Mr. Schoener: [chuckles] It's Nuni, okay? You must meet my new wife. [calling to her] Darling, they're here!
Mrs. Schoener: [emerging from apartment interior] Oh! Welcome! Ah, look at you both!
Brian: Hello.
Mr. Schoener: This is my wife, Nuni.
Brian: Oh, that's funny; you guys both have the same first name: Nuni.
Mr. Schoener: No, no, no, no. I am Nuni; she is Nuni.
Brian: I see. Nuni and Nuni.
Mrs. Schoener: No, no. Nuni; I am Nuni.
Brian: Nuni.
Mrs. Schoener: No, no, Nuni. You must use the back of your tongue, come.
[Mr. and Mrs. Schoener grasp Brian's cheecks and chin while all three say "Nuni" repeatedly]
Mrs. Schoener: No, no, Nuni is masculine, and Nuni is feminine. Nuni.
Brian: Nuni.
Mrs. Schoener: No, no, Nuni.
Brian: Nuni.
Pam: Honey, I think she's Nuni, and he's Nuni.
Mrs. Schoener: Yes, exactly! Anyfoofoo, why don't we all have a seat please?
[Mrs. Schoener leads them to an area where five pieces are arrayed: a hemispherical table, a white inclined divan, a red sphere, a white pyramid, and a stylistic metal chair that faces away from the other pieces. Mr. Schoener sits on the divan, placing his feet in stirrups. Mrs. Schoener sits on the sphere. Pam sits in the metal chair. Brian looks around confusedly]
Brian: Um, I guess I should just stand?
Mrs. Schoener: No, no, that one is for you.
Brian: What, the pyramid?
Mr. Schoener: Yes!
[Brian begins to attempt to sit on the pyramid]
Mrs. Schoener: No, no! Not on it; against it! That is a leaning post!
Mr. Schoener: [chuckles] You sit on that, and it will ruin your ass!
Brian: [begins to lean against the pyramid and slides to the floor before standing up again] I'm just gonna...
Pam: Um, does this seat swivel so I can face you guys?
Mr. Schoener: [laughs] Why would the chair turn? It's a 1950s Adler!
Mrs. Schoener: Brian, what is your woman's name?
Brian: Oh, God, I can't believe I did that. I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry. This is my girlfriend, Pam.
Mr. Schoener: Bam.
Brian: No, Pam.
Mrs. Schoener: Bar.
Brian: It's Pam.
Mrs. Schoener: Bor.
Brian: No, Pam. [elongates word]
Mr. Schoener: Bam. Bam. [elongates word] We're not saying this?
Pam: No, you're saying "Bam," and it's "Pam." You know, short for Pamela?
Mrs. Schoener: Baronen.
Brian: Pamela.
Mr. Schoener: Harpelo.
Brian: Pamela.
[Mr. and Mrs. Schoener continue to say peculiar trisyllabic things]
Brian: You know what? Perfect! You guys got it. Perfect.
[Tato enters, skipping, with a tray containing small bags]
Mr. Schoener: Oh, here is Tato with the drinks.
Mrs. Schoener: Oh! Thank you, Tato!
Tato: [giggling and covering mouth with hand ] I'm shy. [skips out]
Mr. Schoener: We find his joy exhilirating....
ANNNNNNNNND so on. I LOVE YOU!
[Mr. Schoener opens door]
Mr. Schoener: [with strange accent] Brian! You're right on time! Come in, please!
[they enter the apartment]
Brian: Hey, thanks for having us over, Mr. Schoener.
Mr. Schoener: [chuckles] It's Nuni, okay? You must meet my new wife. [calling to her] Darling, they're here!
Mrs. Schoener: [emerging from apartment interior] Oh! Welcome! Ah, look at you both!
Brian: Hello.
Mr. Schoener: This is my wife, Nuni.
Brian: Oh, that's funny; you guys both have the same first name: Nuni.
Mr. Schoener: No, no, no, no. I am Nuni; she is Nuni.
Brian: I see. Nuni and Nuni.
Mrs. Schoener: No, no. Nuni; I am Nuni.
Brian: Nuni.
Mrs. Schoener: No, no, Nuni. You must use the back of your tongue, come.
[Mr. and Mrs. Schoener grasp Brian's cheecks and chin while all three say "Nuni" repeatedly]
Mrs. Schoener: No, no, Nuni is masculine, and Nuni is feminine. Nuni.
Brian: Nuni.
Mrs. Schoener: No, no, Nuni.
Brian: Nuni.
Pam: Honey, I think she's Nuni, and he's Nuni.
Mrs. Schoener: Yes, exactly! Anyfoofoo, why don't we all have a seat please?
[Mrs. Schoener leads them to an area where five pieces are arrayed: a hemispherical table, a white inclined divan, a red sphere, a white pyramid, and a stylistic metal chair that faces away from the other pieces. Mr. Schoener sits on the divan, placing his feet in stirrups. Mrs. Schoener sits on the sphere. Pam sits in the metal chair. Brian looks around confusedly]
Brian: Um, I guess I should just stand?
Mrs. Schoener: No, no, that one is for you.
Brian: What, the pyramid?
Mr. Schoener: Yes!
[Brian begins to attempt to sit on the pyramid]
Mrs. Schoener: No, no! Not on it; against it! That is a leaning post!
Mr. Schoener: [chuckles] You sit on that, and it will ruin your ass!
Brian: [begins to lean against the pyramid and slides to the floor before standing up again] I'm just gonna...
Pam: Um, does this seat swivel so I can face you guys?
Mr. Schoener: [laughs] Why would the chair turn? It's a 1950s Adler!
Mrs. Schoener: Brian, what is your woman's name?
Brian: Oh, God, I can't believe I did that. I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry. This is my girlfriend, Pam.
Mr. Schoener: Bam.
Brian: No, Pam.
Mrs. Schoener: Bar.
Brian: It's Pam.
Mrs. Schoener: Bor.
Brian: No, Pam. [elongates word]
Mr. Schoener: Bam. Bam. [elongates word] We're not saying this?
Pam: No, you're saying "Bam," and it's "Pam." You know, short for Pamela?
Mrs. Schoener: Baronen.
Brian: Pamela.
Mr. Schoener: Harpelo.
Brian: Pamela.
[Mr. and Mrs. Schoener continue to say peculiar trisyllabic things]
Brian: You know what? Perfect! You guys got it. Perfect.
[Tato enters, skipping, with a tray containing small bags]
Mr. Schoener: Oh, here is Tato with the drinks.
Mrs. Schoener: Oh! Thank you, Tato!
Tato: [giggling and covering mouth with hand ] I'm shy. [skips out]
Mr. Schoener: We find his joy exhilirating....
ANNNNNNNNND so on. I LOVE YOU!