I'm always a pussy in the end
I got stabbed in the back tonight.
About a thousand times.
By someone I trusted my life, soul, heart, faith, and friendship with.
Crushed what may have been my entire future tonight
And I'm going to make him fix it tomorrow when he reads this
He's going to feel every single ounce of pain he inflicted on me
And i'm going to make him inflict it on himself, because I won't lift a single finger
He will pay for this if he ever expects to stop being a boy, and become a man, for making me out to be a back-stabbing liar in front of the woman I love, and have never lied to--with his own lies, made her, her mother, and her father... all look at me like some kind of godless blasphemer who lies to save his own hide.
How hypocritical can you get, and still have so much respect and admiration for me? How can you hand me your keys and phone, and tell me "this is how much faith I have in you." And then take it away.
That was the first two knives in my back.
The third was when you swung that chair around and nearly broke my fucking nose off my face, or maybe smash my jaw apart--while I tried to stop you from losing your temper, and you nearly fucking busted my face open because you can't control your fucking anger you coward. Yeah, coward--the truth stings like a bitch doesn't it.
Beat people up all you want--and then run away from your problems, lying, blaming others, to make yourself look better.
That ends today.
And you know what's so fucking funny?
This is all because I told her the kind of shit you've been doing behind her back. If you had nothing to hide, why did you say "I'm done with all of it, I'm done." Screaming, making a scene, then say you're done, again--and come all the way out there? Oh, of course--make yourself look better by making me look like a fucking liar. That's what you did to me. I hope it burns as bad as you hurt me--multiplied by the number of atoms in the universe--because that's what I've felt every single day you two were together... to watch you end it like this... like I FUCKING TOLD YOU FROM THE START IT WOULD END.
I seriously hope you're going to start listening to me now. I think my track record pretty much stands at being a relatively decent person, who is correct 100% of the FUCKING TIME--and doubted forever, until it's been proven.
Have faith in me yet? Trust me yet? You sure as hell better, because I more than deserve it at this point.
And yet... what did you do? Oh, was it... you turned it out and made me the culprit behind it all... and made me a liar in front of the woman I have never lied to.
Pneumonia? Migraine? Ungodly irritable anger, wanting to slit your throat for what you did and said last night, agonizing pain in my guts from crohn's disease? Hey, I'll own up to my mistake--I worded key things incorrectly because I was high strung. That's not a reason, that's my excuse, and I apologized profusely for it while crying my heart out while you were gone, running away.
And today, you're going to own up to your fuckups.
I've had enough. I will make you into a fucking man, for the first time in your life, you will see what the man in you truly is, and respect yourself sincerely for the first time in your life.
I became a man at 18. So will you. Fuck this shit.
On the plus side, me and Ryan became more than friends tonight. More than brothers. We became kindred fucking spirits--a bond I truly wish we could have, if you'd just have faith in me and trust me for once in your fucking life.
Both of us woke up this morning, called each other and said; "Dude, something unbelievably fucking horrible is going to happen today. Out of our control, but we're going to be the ones to try and fix it."
And all he said was
"I know."
Every type of spiritual perception I have, he has
the type of "fuck-with-my-family-you're-life-is-over" mentality
when he said tonight
"They will never say another word about my sister, ever. Because I said so."
with that wolven glint in his eyes
But oh no, Connor.
You will never lie again.
Not after I'm done with you.
Me, a person who has had your back every single day I've known you.
That you owes me about $300 and I let it slide until you can pay it. Yeah, $300--I was going to stop at $140, but I'm going to ask for everything after last night... whenever you can pay it.
In food, cigarettes, gas, entertainment expenditures, whatever.
Have helped you through the most emotional times of your life, always dropping what I'm doing for you, that you admittedly respect me so much, that I am the only person you have, and will ever cry in front of.
And what you did tonight, thinking so highly of me, countless times admitting I have more love than you'll ever have. That I'm a better person than you'll ever be.
You looked me square in the eyes, and lied about every fucking thing you did last night.
You made the woman I love with every single ounce of my heart, strike me repeatedly, screaming at me to get out of her house, forever--then you showed up right after that. After I bore the initial explosion of her hatred for you, directed at me.
You don't want to know what that feels like, and I'm glad you never will. You've never lived 24 years in chastity, saving yourself for one person--to have them scream hatred in your eyes for something I didn't do.
That's what you did to me last night.
And all because you fucking lied to my face, eye to eye, in front of her, and everybody else--I doubt she'll ever trust me, or any man ever again.
You ruined my life, and pushed the woman of my heart's desire out of my life--while stabbing me in the back with repeated lies, while you put the blame on her for your relationship ending.
Last night, you were possessed by a demon--again, and you let it happen by having no faith or trust in my words, or me. When you're done reading this, I'll tell you exactly what you did, because you obviously have no idea what you truly did. And like always, I'll be the one to tell you, because that's what you put me through, and what I choose, out of love, to endure for you.
This isn't even crossing a line Connor. This is going over it, drawing a new one, and going over that one, ad infintum.
I swear on everything I am, even the Angels in Heaven will not watch what shall happen when you are done reading this.
Are you ready to be a man yet? Because I'm ready to make you one.
Pick up your phone.
About a thousand times.
By someone I trusted my life, soul, heart, faith, and friendship with.
Crushed what may have been my entire future tonight
And I'm going to make him fix it tomorrow when he reads this
He's going to feel every single ounce of pain he inflicted on me
And i'm going to make him inflict it on himself, because I won't lift a single finger
He will pay for this if he ever expects to stop being a boy, and become a man, for making me out to be a back-stabbing liar in front of the woman I love, and have never lied to--with his own lies, made her, her mother, and her father... all look at me like some kind of godless blasphemer who lies to save his own hide.
How hypocritical can you get, and still have so much respect and admiration for me? How can you hand me your keys and phone, and tell me "this is how much faith I have in you." And then take it away.
That was the first two knives in my back.
The third was when you swung that chair around and nearly broke my fucking nose off my face, or maybe smash my jaw apart--while I tried to stop you from losing your temper, and you nearly fucking busted my face open because you can't control your fucking anger you coward. Yeah, coward--the truth stings like a bitch doesn't it.
Beat people up all you want--and then run away from your problems, lying, blaming others, to make yourself look better.
That ends today.
And you know what's so fucking funny?
This is all because I told her the kind of shit you've been doing behind her back. If you had nothing to hide, why did you say "I'm done with all of it, I'm done." Screaming, making a scene, then say you're done, again--and come all the way out there? Oh, of course--make yourself look better by making me look like a fucking liar. That's what you did to me. I hope it burns as bad as you hurt me--multiplied by the number of atoms in the universe--because that's what I've felt every single day you two were together... to watch you end it like this... like I FUCKING TOLD YOU FROM THE START IT WOULD END.
I seriously hope you're going to start listening to me now. I think my track record pretty much stands at being a relatively decent person, who is correct 100% of the FUCKING TIME--and doubted forever, until it's been proven.
Have faith in me yet? Trust me yet? You sure as hell better, because I more than deserve it at this point.
And yet... what did you do? Oh, was it... you turned it out and made me the culprit behind it all... and made me a liar in front of the woman I have never lied to.
Pneumonia? Migraine? Ungodly irritable anger, wanting to slit your throat for what you did and said last night, agonizing pain in my guts from crohn's disease? Hey, I'll own up to my mistake--I worded key things incorrectly because I was high strung. That's not a reason, that's my excuse, and I apologized profusely for it while crying my heart out while you were gone, running away.
And today, you're going to own up to your fuckups.
I've had enough. I will make you into a fucking man, for the first time in your life, you will see what the man in you truly is, and respect yourself sincerely for the first time in your life.
I became a man at 18. So will you. Fuck this shit.
On the plus side, me and Ryan became more than friends tonight. More than brothers. We became kindred fucking spirits--a bond I truly wish we could have, if you'd just have faith in me and trust me for once in your fucking life.
Both of us woke up this morning, called each other and said; "Dude, something unbelievably fucking horrible is going to happen today. Out of our control, but we're going to be the ones to try and fix it."
And all he said was
"I know."
Every type of spiritual perception I have, he has
the type of "fuck-with-my-family-you're-life-is-over" mentality
when he said tonight
"They will never say another word about my sister, ever. Because I said so."
with that wolven glint in his eyes
But oh no, Connor.
You will never lie again.
Not after I'm done with you.
Me, a person who has had your back every single day I've known you.
That you owes me about $300 and I let it slide until you can pay it. Yeah, $300--I was going to stop at $140, but I'm going to ask for everything after last night... whenever you can pay it.
In food, cigarettes, gas, entertainment expenditures, whatever.
Have helped you through the most emotional times of your life, always dropping what I'm doing for you, that you admittedly respect me so much, that I am the only person you have, and will ever cry in front of.
And what you did tonight, thinking so highly of me, countless times admitting I have more love than you'll ever have. That I'm a better person than you'll ever be.
You looked me square in the eyes, and lied about every fucking thing you did last night.
You made the woman I love with every single ounce of my heart, strike me repeatedly, screaming at me to get out of her house, forever--then you showed up right after that. After I bore the initial explosion of her hatred for you, directed at me.
You don't want to know what that feels like, and I'm glad you never will. You've never lived 24 years in chastity, saving yourself for one person--to have them scream hatred in your eyes for something I didn't do.
That's what you did to me last night.
And all because you fucking lied to my face, eye to eye, in front of her, and everybody else--I doubt she'll ever trust me, or any man ever again.
You ruined my life, and pushed the woman of my heart's desire out of my life--while stabbing me in the back with repeated lies, while you put the blame on her for your relationship ending.
Last night, you were possessed by a demon--again, and you let it happen by having no faith or trust in my words, or me. When you're done reading this, I'll tell you exactly what you did, because you obviously have no idea what you truly did. And like always, I'll be the one to tell you, because that's what you put me through, and what I choose, out of love, to endure for you.
This isn't even crossing a line Connor. This is going over it, drawing a new one, and going over that one, ad infintum.
I swear on everything I am, even the Angels in Heaven will not watch what shall happen when you are done reading this.
Are you ready to be a man yet? Because I'm ready to make you one.
Pick up your phone.