(no subject)
The last two days I have felt better than I have in weeks. I feel like this last painful jolt to my system (and the family drama that came with it) helped peel away another layer of inner pain.
I've spent months and months evaluating all of my relationships and identifying what works for me and what doesn't; defining the layers of my onion and figuring who belongs where; assessing myself in relation to how other people see me, or if they actually see me at all. I'm beginning to have a constant stream of new words and phrases running through my head: Mutual Generosity. Disengage. Onion. Comfort. Leech-free time. Etc. Some days it feels like chaos, others peace and clarity. The last two days it's been the latter.
People who love me and SEE me are worth loving back. I'm going to start lifting myself with the love and support I'm surrounded with, and love myself enough to stop soaking up the negative, hurtful, and abusive comments made by those that don't even really know who I am.
The most important relationship I've nurtured has been the one with myself. I'm a good person. I'm an intelligent person. I'm an attractive person. I'm a lovable person. I'm a fortunate person.
A friend that I haven't seen in years pointed out the other night that I appear to be a much happier person these days. I thought this was odd at first since our previous conversation was about my one of my first boyfriends dying. Then I realized that I'm generally a happier person, even through the sad times. That was another eye-opening moment.
I hope I'm on the downward climb. I feel really good and I'm hoping to be headed toward a more steady stream of good days than rough ones.
I've spent months and months evaluating all of my relationships and identifying what works for me and what doesn't; defining the layers of my onion and figuring who belongs where; assessing myself in relation to how other people see me, or if they actually see me at all. I'm beginning to have a constant stream of new words and phrases running through my head: Mutual Generosity. Disengage. Onion. Comfort. Leech-free time. Etc. Some days it feels like chaos, others peace and clarity. The last two days it's been the latter.
People who love me and SEE me are worth loving back. I'm going to start lifting myself with the love and support I'm surrounded with, and love myself enough to stop soaking up the negative, hurtful, and abusive comments made by those that don't even really know who I am.
The most important relationship I've nurtured has been the one with myself. I'm a good person. I'm an intelligent person. I'm an attractive person. I'm a lovable person. I'm a fortunate person.
A friend that I haven't seen in years pointed out the other night that I appear to be a much happier person these days. I thought this was odd at first since our previous conversation was about my one of my first boyfriends dying. Then I realized that I'm generally a happier person, even through the sad times. That was another eye-opening moment.
I hope I'm on the downward climb. I feel really good and I'm hoping to be headed toward a more steady stream of good days than rough ones.