(no subject)
Someone from one of my past lives died. Murder or suicide. No one knows for sure right now. I don't think I need to know either way. I know he died, and I know he was found hanged. What else do I need to know?
I have talked to this person once, maybe twice, briefly in the past 15 years. Weird that the loss of someone so far removed can illicit so many emotions.
The craziest part is that I hadn't thought about him much at all until about a half hour before I found out he died. I read through my diary from when I was 12 and 13 for the first time since I wrote it. The last entry is about my boyfriend at the time (the person who passed away) and how badly he was treating me (spitting on pictures of male friends in my bedroom, flicking lit cigarettes at me, etc.). I was so affected by what I read, that I posted about it here. I wrote about how angry I was that I was never really a child, about how horrible it was that at 13 I thought it was acceptable for someone to treat me that way because I didn't know any better. It's what I saw growing up, how I supposed to know then that things could be better?
After I posted my entry, I opened up facebook. Front and center was a picture of the most unlikely person ever with him and his brother. Under his picture was an RIP to him. I lost my breath. A quick visit to his MySpace confirmed that he died. I emailed the person that posted his picture, offered my condolences, explained my connection and asked for information. She got back quickly and let me know that his brother found him hanged.
I'm doing better today. That was a shock to the system, but I'm recovering.
I feel like I should say more. Find a way to end this without just stopping. But I really can't think of anything more to say.
It's not Josh. I guess that's enough.
I have talked to this person once, maybe twice, briefly in the past 15 years. Weird that the loss of someone so far removed can illicit so many emotions.
The craziest part is that I hadn't thought about him much at all until about a half hour before I found out he died. I read through my diary from when I was 12 and 13 for the first time since I wrote it. The last entry is about my boyfriend at the time (the person who passed away) and how badly he was treating me (spitting on pictures of male friends in my bedroom, flicking lit cigarettes at me, etc.). I was so affected by what I read, that I posted about it here. I wrote about how angry I was that I was never really a child, about how horrible it was that at 13 I thought it was acceptable for someone to treat me that way because I didn't know any better. It's what I saw growing up, how I supposed to know then that things could be better?
After I posted my entry, I opened up facebook. Front and center was a picture of the most unlikely person ever with him and his brother. Under his picture was an RIP to him. I lost my breath. A quick visit to his MySpace confirmed that he died. I emailed the person that posted his picture, offered my condolences, explained my connection and asked for information. She got back quickly and let me know that his brother found him hanged.
I'm doing better today. That was a shock to the system, but I'm recovering.
I feel like I should say more. Find a way to end this without just stopping. But I really can't think of anything more to say.
It's not Josh. I guess that's enough.