Break through!!
Sometimes therapy feels unbearably painful, but days when I see a more positive or empowered version of myself shine through, I know it's worth it. I had one of those moments today.
For the first time ever, and I mean EVER, I found myself feeling compassion for a drug addict. A drug addict that has children even. I never thought it would be possible.
I was friends with this person when we were in JR. High. Our friendship ended when her parents started giving her crank at the ripe old age of 14. One of my memories I have of her was this time when she was at my house on my phone talking to her mom. Her progress report had arrived at the house and she was failing, or near-failing everything. Her mom was screaming so loud about my friends bad grades I could hear her through the phone from across the room. My friend sobbed the whole time. It wasn't long after that her parents began giving her drugs. I guess they figured she was a lost cause anyway. Or maybe it was just easier to get your kids addicted too. They won't tell if they are also hooked.
Anyway, this girl got in deep. She began steeling, prostituting, etc. She was doing seriously hard shit and by 20 I was surprised she was still alive.
A few years ago I saw her on myspace. She had been clean for quite a while, married a sober guy, held a job and had kids. She was totally pulling it together. I just found out through facebook that she using again (and steeling, and prostituting, etc.). What really made my heart hurt was the letter her sister copied and pasted into facebook for all her "friends" to see. A letter that wrote off my once-friend, calling her a "thieving slut that sells her ass for her drugs."
Shame never helped anyone recover from anything. I don't blame my once-friends sister for writing her off. You have to do what you have to do. I don't think it was appropriate to bash someone so broken like that, in such a shameful way. And I absolutely don't think it's appropriate to announce it publicly.
I know that once-friend's sister did that out of anger. I don't blame her at all for being mad. I'm sure if I were dealt a lesser hand I would handle it the same way. I'm just so thankful I wasn't, and the part of me that was headed in that ugly, hateful, poisonous direction seems to be nearly gone. I think if I would have read that when I was 20, I wouldn't have blinked an eye, except to be really, really pissed at my once-friend.
I'm sad for her. I'm sad that all the treatment she's gotten hasn't been helpful in the way that she needed. I'm sad that she is so broken that she can't see through it to do better for her babies. I'm thankful her babies are being properly taken care of by others, but sad for what they will endure emotionally with this person for their mother.
My once-friend never stood a chance because no one ever gave her the chance. Her sister wasn't handed a bag a powder at 14. She had it rough too, but it was different.
I really, really hope this person finds the right help and is ready to take the pain that comes with it. Her life depends on it.
I'm going to take these feelings as a small victory for myself. This is pretty huge for me. And you know, feeling compassion for a druggie feels a lot better than feeling 29 years worth of anger. Life is too short to eat it up feeling angry.
For the first time ever, and I mean EVER, I found myself feeling compassion for a drug addict. A drug addict that has children even. I never thought it would be possible.
I was friends with this person when we were in JR. High. Our friendship ended when her parents started giving her crank at the ripe old age of 14. One of my memories I have of her was this time when she was at my house on my phone talking to her mom. Her progress report had arrived at the house and she was failing, or near-failing everything. Her mom was screaming so loud about my friends bad grades I could hear her through the phone from across the room. My friend sobbed the whole time. It wasn't long after that her parents began giving her drugs. I guess they figured she was a lost cause anyway. Or maybe it was just easier to get your kids addicted too. They won't tell if they are also hooked.
Anyway, this girl got in deep. She began steeling, prostituting, etc. She was doing seriously hard shit and by 20 I was surprised she was still alive.
A few years ago I saw her on myspace. She had been clean for quite a while, married a sober guy, held a job and had kids. She was totally pulling it together. I just found out through facebook that she using again (and steeling, and prostituting, etc.). What really made my heart hurt was the letter her sister copied and pasted into facebook for all her "friends" to see. A letter that wrote off my once-friend, calling her a "thieving slut that sells her ass for her drugs."
Shame never helped anyone recover from anything. I don't blame my once-friends sister for writing her off. You have to do what you have to do. I don't think it was appropriate to bash someone so broken like that, in such a shameful way. And I absolutely don't think it's appropriate to announce it publicly.
I know that once-friend's sister did that out of anger. I don't blame her at all for being mad. I'm sure if I were dealt a lesser hand I would handle it the same way. I'm just so thankful I wasn't, and the part of me that was headed in that ugly, hateful, poisonous direction seems to be nearly gone. I think if I would have read that when I was 20, I wouldn't have blinked an eye, except to be really, really pissed at my once-friend.
I'm sad for her. I'm sad that all the treatment she's gotten hasn't been helpful in the way that she needed. I'm sad that she is so broken that she can't see through it to do better for her babies. I'm thankful her babies are being properly taken care of by others, but sad for what they will endure emotionally with this person for their mother.
My once-friend never stood a chance because no one ever gave her the chance. Her sister wasn't handed a bag a powder at 14. She had it rough too, but it was different.
I really, really hope this person finds the right help and is ready to take the pain that comes with it. Her life depends on it.
I'm going to take these feelings as a small victory for myself. This is pretty huge for me. And you know, feeling compassion for a druggie feels a lot better than feeling 29 years worth of anger. Life is too short to eat it up feeling angry.