Oct 19, 2010 10:29
I put together a list of 30 things I want I do, try to do, or start working on, before my 30th birthday. I've been thinking a lot about one of those things in particular lately and how it relates to my own insecurities and my relationships with people. I've decided to remove it and replace it with something healthier.
Old:
Be the friend to people they need me to be, not the type of friend I want them to be to me.
Why this is unhealthy, and all wrong:
I've been in that place where I try very hard to be the person a friend needs me to be to maintain the friendship, and that usually ends up meaning that many of my needs aren't being met. This is very out of balance in the mutual generosity department. If you have to lock part of your personality up, including those parts that express what you need to be happy, in order to maintain a friendship, it'll only end poorly. And really, that's not much a friendship.
New:
Focus on being myself and do my part to create mutual generosity in my relationships.
Why this is perfect for me:
I get to be me instead of a baggage handler. I'll get to experience having varying levels of friendship and know that my needs are being met as well as my friends and family's. I'll learn to lean on people when I need to (before I get to my breaking point), and when to draw boundaries when leaning on me gets to be too much. I'll love me better, which will allow me to love everyone else better.
Yes. I believe, dear ones, that progress is being made.