(no subject)
I have to be able to bring all of me to the table in all of my relationships. By that I mean, I have to be able to be myself. I can't hang up those parts of me that other people might not appreciate in order to support their needs. I can't keep being multiple people. I can't keep being there for people all the time no matter what, when those same people are only there for me when it's convenient or comfortable for them. All the baggage I am carrying for other people in order to keep them comfortable is weighing me down. I'm carrying enough of my own. I feel suffocated. It's a constant thought stream all day long. I struggle to focus on anything BUT what I'm going through with therapy. I crave the company of those that understand, and repel from those that don't.
Needing to be comfortable in my own skin is so much deeper than being okay with my appearance. How could I have ever been comfortable with anything if I'm constantly hiding away parts of myself to suit the needs of others?
I don't know how to put me first in this regard. Up to this point, it's been pretty cut and dry. I either operate on a level playing field with people, I find a way to level it, or I leave it. What I need, what everyone needs, is mutual generosity. THAT naturally levels the field.
I'm going to seek that out. And that is all.
Needing to be comfortable in my own skin is so much deeper than being okay with my appearance. How could I have ever been comfortable with anything if I'm constantly hiding away parts of myself to suit the needs of others?
I don't know how to put me first in this regard. Up to this point, it's been pretty cut and dry. I either operate on a level playing field with people, I find a way to level it, or I leave it. What I need, what everyone needs, is mutual generosity. THAT naturally levels the field.
I'm going to seek that out. And that is all.