Knowing is half the battle, right?
I think I finally have to acknowledge that I have a problem. I've never been blind to my body image issues, but the new developments I've noticed have really brought to light how bad it is.
I can no longer say I hate my body. I no longer look in the mirror and want to cry 25 days out of the month. I'm still trying to get these thighs to slim down, but overall, I look pretty damn good. My size 4 sexy jeans are almost too big, another inch off the thighs and I'll be a 2 for sure. I teeter between 112 and 113 on a regular basis and two weeks ago after a night of drinking I hit 110 for the first time since high school. My body needs some tweaking, but for the first time in a VERY long time, I'm *almost* content.
My skin is now the problem. The wrinkles on my chest are getting deeper by the day. My neck is the neck of a 40 year old. The lines between my eye brows never go away anymore and my chest constantly has red tint to it. Oh, the red tint. Thanks to Anne Hathaway, Dita Von Tease and Twilight, I was LOVING my dark hair and light complexion, until I realized that I'm not the perfect porcelain I was hoping for. I got jacked with red undertones and splotchy skin instead of yellow undertones and smooth skin. And did I mention my eye lids? I swear my upper eye lids are already starting to sit on my lower lids. I can watch my lower lids lift them every time I blink in the mirror. I can't hide my skin. It's there for everyone to see all the time and it looks awful.
But here is the thing, I KNOW that it doesn't look awful. Logic kicked in the other and I realized that there is no possible way that I have aged 10+ years in the last three months. I understand that my body will age and I understand that it has changed, and will continue to change. I have even come to realize that it's very possible that I'm now freaking out about my skin because I am no longer freaking out about my weight or the size of my pants. It's like I am programed in such a way that it is an impossibility to just be happy with myself. I know where I get it, it's not a secret. But, how do I get rid of it. How do I stop this? How do I make myself love myself and feel completely comfortable in my own skin? (quite literally it so happens)
I don't know what to do about this. I get plenty of affirmations from my husband. I get plenty of affirmations just walking down the street. Crazy as it sometimes seems to me, people seem to find me fairly attractive. How do I learn to accept that? Like, really accept that?
I have a problem that I do not know how to fix, but I got through Stats TWICE. This has got to be easier than that.
I can no longer say I hate my body. I no longer look in the mirror and want to cry 25 days out of the month. I'm still trying to get these thighs to slim down, but overall, I look pretty damn good. My size 4 sexy jeans are almost too big, another inch off the thighs and I'll be a 2 for sure. I teeter between 112 and 113 on a regular basis and two weeks ago after a night of drinking I hit 110 for the first time since high school. My body needs some tweaking, but for the first time in a VERY long time, I'm *almost* content.
My skin is now the problem. The wrinkles on my chest are getting deeper by the day. My neck is the neck of a 40 year old. The lines between my eye brows never go away anymore and my chest constantly has red tint to it. Oh, the red tint. Thanks to Anne Hathaway, Dita Von Tease and Twilight, I was LOVING my dark hair and light complexion, until I realized that I'm not the perfect porcelain I was hoping for. I got jacked with red undertones and splotchy skin instead of yellow undertones and smooth skin. And did I mention my eye lids? I swear my upper eye lids are already starting to sit on my lower lids. I can watch my lower lids lift them every time I blink in the mirror. I can't hide my skin. It's there for everyone to see all the time and it looks awful.
But here is the thing, I KNOW that it doesn't look awful. Logic kicked in the other and I realized that there is no possible way that I have aged 10+ years in the last three months. I understand that my body will age and I understand that it has changed, and will continue to change. I have even come to realize that it's very possible that I'm now freaking out about my skin because I am no longer freaking out about my weight or the size of my pants. It's like I am programed in such a way that it is an impossibility to just be happy with myself. I know where I get it, it's not a secret. But, how do I get rid of it. How do I stop this? How do I make myself love myself and feel completely comfortable in my own skin? (quite literally it so happens)
I don't know what to do about this. I get plenty of affirmations from my husband. I get plenty of affirmations just walking down the street. Crazy as it sometimes seems to me, people seem to find me fairly attractive. How do I learn to accept that? Like, really accept that?
I have a problem that I do not know how to fix, but I got through Stats TWICE. This has got to be easier than that.