Identity Crisis

[flamindani]

 I'm having an identity crisis! Ok, so I go through this every few years especially when I am dating/fucking mostly guys but now my lesbian cousin is getting married! I know it sounds stupid but I am uber jealous. I wanted to have a lesbian wedding. I wanted to show everyone that love comes in all forms. I wanted to smack my conservative relatives

Comments

[youralibi]

Hey, first-thanks a ton for filling out my survey to me. I found this post really interesting, because I tend to feel similarly since I am in an almost 2 year relationship with my boyfriend, and we live together. It makes it really hard to be part of the community that I've been part of for years. My last gf and I broke up and she told me and everyone I wasn't really gay. Things like that are hurtful! Perception, unfortunately, seems to be everything these days, since just from the 40-50 people I've received surveys back from...maybe three have touched on bisexuality the way I see it. Some of the answers I get are crazy! And just demonstrate the societal problems attached to being bi. Also, I have a lot of people who say they would identify as bi but don't because of the stigmas attached. I think that causes bisexuality to become even more invisible, which is a problem.

I do have another question for you. Considering this post seems to say you've always self-identified as a lesbian, why can't you be a lesbian who is dating a man? I guess I just personally believe you can really make an identity anything that you want. Statistics show that most lesbians (I have read three different studies and all say over 54% of lesbians)...have had sex or relationships with men. That's a lot! I think if more people were willing to keep identities even if they might not match up with the stereotypical actions, there would be greater awareness and protection for all because it would create the need for people like doctors to not make any assumptions... which really is important for anyone and everyone.

So, like I said, I only ask that question from what I've read here since clearly I don't know much else about you. :)

And maybe, can I use this in addition to the identity stuff you provided for the survey??:

"I still call myself a Lesbian because I identify with them more. Technically I am Bisexual but the connotations are so negative that Lesbian feels better."

[flamindani]

You can use it. I tell people all the time that I am a lesbian but they try to correct me. Some of my friends think I should embrace bisexual more because there needs to be more visibility so I am trying my best because I agree. Before I started dating my boyfriend I used to tell people, "I'm a lesbian who dates women but fucks guys." This really sums it up for me since my current bf is the only guy I've found I could actually date seriously. I've had way more lesbian relationship but they're never sexually compatible so I always fucked men on the side. Open relationships have always been a must for me because of that.
I used to explain it to my mother, because lesbian made more sense to here than bisexual, that "I love people for people not their genitalia." This is also part of who I am.
So yes, I am a lesbian dating a man. I am bisexual. I am queer. I am in an open relationship. I am an extremely sexual being. I am so many damn things that labels are hard even when I really want one. They make it easier sometimes when you're talking to dumbfucks but they can also make it harder when you're trying to encapsulate all of one's personality and sexuality. This is why I tell people who are interested in talking to me about sexuality that we either need a cup of strong coffee or a stiff drink and several hours before any of it will start to make sense.

[youralibi]

:) I love people for people too! And, I always have been the same way, about wanting sex with guys on the side of relationships with women. That's awesome. I really appreciate your insight.