KakaSaku Lyricfic
Written for a contest over at the KakaSaku community here on LJ. This one was a lyrics contest, where you're assigned a song and use that as your prompt. Mine was 'Chinese Burn' by Curve. Like the song, kinda hated the lyrics at first, but eventually a spark lit and it worked. And of course, as always with me, this has grown out of proportion. Was going to be a 12-20 page oneshot, and now it's going to be just a weeeee bit longer than that, lol.
This also feels like a departure from stuff I typically write. Maybe that's just in my head, who knows, but there is, erm, interesting stuff ahead (Part II or III?) so we'll see how it goes. ^^
So here is Part I, dedicated to tiuni for sending me lovely notes and getting me back in the groove for writing KakaSaku funness.
Burn
The mission started out normally enough - which should have been her first sign that things would take a turn for the absurd.
Upon being handed their assignment in the hokage's office, Sai gazed about blankly, Kakashi studiously ignored everyone, and in lieu of their leader, Yamato politely accepted the mission on Team Kakashi's behalf.
Then Naruto opened his mouth. "What? An escort mission! Isn't that a little too easy for a bad-ass team like ours? Can't you pass this along to a genin team or something? I mean, geez. Our first mission was an escort and it turned out just fine in the end - we learned a whole lot from Zabuza and Haku!"
Tsunade glared. "You know full well that you were lucky to beat those two at all."
She raised a hand to forestall Naruto's denials and rebuttals. "I would never knowingly endanger such an underprepared team like that, as you well know, so stop complaining. You were only sent on that mission, which by all rights should've been a much higher rank, because the client underpaid. He only had the money for a D-rank, and since he didn't inform us of the other dangers, a D-rank it remained.
"The situation with this client is just the opposite; she's paying A-rank prices despite it only being a B- or C-rank mission. She is someone of import - and from a very wealthy and influential family - so a kidnapping or assassination is always a possibility, but she's not so high up the run for it to be very likely. She stays out of the public eye and doesn't have much pull in her very patriarchal family. Still, she's of marriageable age, which makes her a great asset."
She shrugged. "All in all, it's hard to say. The mission could go either way. It could be a no brainer or maybe she is willing to pay so much because there's more lurking beneath the surface than she's letting on about. However, she was very...persistent in her request for your team."
The way she said that let Sakura know just how annoyed Tsunade had been by the woman's demands. Still, being the hokage and having to put up with umpteen arguments a day, she knew that Tsunade had finally learned that some just weren't her time and aggravation.
Shaking her head, Tsunade continued. "She even delayed her departure by two and a half weeks to wait for your team to be available."
At this, Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Well, Naruto, it looks like you might have another fan."
Naruto, to Sakura's amusement, blushed furiously at this. Despite all his growth in recent years, he was still hopelessly oblivious when it came to girls. Male fans he thought were the coolest thing ever, whereas those of the fair sex - who usually had to be pointed out to him - got him tongue-tied and tripping all over himself.
Frankly, it was hilarious.
Sai finally piped in. "If it still makes you uncomfortable, dickless, just drop your pants in front of her. Once she see's what you have to offer she'll leave you alone."
The resulting row ended with the two of them being decisively kicked out of the hokage's office - Tsunade actually had the pleasure of using her feet herself, but she really couldn't be blamed. After all, they'd all heard the argument far too often before, ad nauseum, and they both knew better than to get into it in front of someone with both a short fuse and better things to do.
When she turned her glare on the three remaining members of Team Kakashi, they knew it was time to make their escape as well. With hastily said farewells, they were off to pack for their week-long adventure.
~ ~ ~
Lady Hisoka, as it turned out, was not a part of the Naruto fan-club. What she was, though, was getting on Sakura's last nerve.
Sakura was beginning to loathe this 'Lady'. Their client turned out to be a spoiled little princess who was only too used to bossing others around. She didn't want to step in mud - while they trekked through a forest in spring. She wouldn't wash her own dishes because that would sully her delicate hands - how water used for that purpose as opposed to water for cleaning herself Sakura had no idea. She insisted on carting a ridiculous amount of luggage with her, despite the fact that she herself only carried a small handbag - how were they supposed to protect her if their hands were full of trunks? And so on and so on.
Plus, for some reason she had decided that Sakura was going to be her go-to grunt. At first Sakura had thought they could be sisters-in-arms against the whole misogyny thing going on in her life, but apparently Ms. Client felt like playing along with it instead.
Only three things kept her from strangling the Lady in her sleep. One: not only would it be murder - even if an easily justifiable one - she rather would like to get paid. Tsunade wasn't likely to hand over any paychecks if she undermined the whole 'keep Lady Hisoka safe on the journey to her home' bit of the mission. Rats. Two: While it grated her that the Lady acted on it, she supposed that growing up in an environment that trained one to think of women as on a different level than men, it could be understandable to a tiny extent. It didn't excuse her in the least, especially since here was proof that she got out into the real world and away from the constrictions of her home, but nonetheless. Still, the main reason she kept her hands to herself was the third reason: she was flirting nonstop with Sai and it was one of the most amusing things Sakura had ever seen.
Sai, for all his comments to Naruto on how he should handle his affairs, didn't' know the first thing about flirting, despite all the books he read. Sakura wasn't even sure he realized Lady Hisoka was flirting, what with how she mostly just talked one-sidedly at him and displayed a sizable obsession with his abs. Actually the only times Lady Hisoka didn't ask Sakura to do something for her was because she passed the duty along to Sai so that she could watch him, if a bit greedily.
Naruto was stuck somewhere between embarrassment, jealousy, disappointment, and straight confusion about why someone was so enamoured of the emotionless wonder.
The trio was ridiculous but highly entertaining. Lady Hisoka would make one-too-many complementary comments to Sai, at which point Naruto would break, a crazy mixture of frazzled emotions making him lose any attempt at decorum. Naruto would yell, Sai would either ignore or retort with his enormous repertoire of penis jokes, and if they didn't leave off after a couple of minutes, Lady Hisoka would almost invariably step in to support the object of her adoration.
Sakura had never seen Naruto so nonplussed. It was amazing. If the woman wasn't so annoying she'd be tempted to become friends with her just for the reaction she got out of him.
Still, four days into a trek to just over the half-way marker, that would take them only a day on the return trip - and that should've only taken them three days except Ms. Princess walked at a snail's pace - amusement wasn't enough to outweigh her rancour.
Suddenly Sakura felt chills run up her spine, and spun in time to see Kakashi come to a complete halt. It was odd, really. She couldn’t see anything, couldn’t smell or hear anything, but something just felt…off. Every shinobi learned to hone their senses - they were what kept you alive, especially that odd sixth sense that never really made sense or had anything to pinpoint. She might’ve shrugged off the niggling feeling, however, if not for Kakashi’s reaction. Because for every time that that mystical sixth sense turned up something, there were about ten times that it was just plain old paranoia.
That was yet another thing that came part and parcel with the shinobi way of life.
Immediately everyone took up defensive positions around Lady Hisoka, though Naruto kept looking at the rest of them with a look of positive perplexity.
“Uh, anyone know why we stopped?” he asked.
No one answered; everyone was too preoccupied scanning the bit of forest in front of them to respond.
Sakura still couldn't sense anything. Now she just had to follow the tenuous thread connecting logic and intuition to figure out what was going on.
Was there anyone lurking about out there? If no, then they were fine. If yes...that could mean a host of different things. They could be either non-shinobi or nin who had no chakra, like Lee - though since the first was more likely that would be no problem. But could there be enemies out there who were blocking or suppressing their chakra in some manner, or disguising it in some other way?
If that was the case then these were no mere rogues out for the usual start-a-skirmish-with-anything-that-walks-by. Shinobi of this caliber and on opposite sides of the fence didn't just happen upon each other in the middle of the forest.
Then again, it could be nothing. That was the knife-edge balance of it, really, the fascinating combination of exhilaration and fear that heightened the senses to new levels, all to test if you're really as good as you think you are, as you need to be, or if you're just going bonkers.
After a tense moment of stifling silence, Lady Hisoka cautiously put a hand on Sai's shoulder. "What's going on?" she asked, miming Naruto's unanswered question from earlier.
Sai's monotone cut through the air with a casualness that belied his words. "We are taking stock of the surrounding area to see if there is any immediate threat. Please maintain your position."
It wasn't like the Lady could do anything else, considering the five of them had completely encircled her, but it certainly helped to have some direction of what to do in times of crisis, even if it wasn't much, just to have some sense of control in the midst of chaos. Sai's learning had progressed by leaps and bounds. That had actually been almost nice.
"Okay," she continued, "but why did we stop in the first place?"
Sakura waited for Kakashi or even Yamato to answer and sighed when neither was forthcoming. She didn't know if Kakashi just didn't want to be distracted or bothered, preferred to keep up the mystique, or just didn't want to admit that their reactions had no hard evidence to support it. Yamato, on the other hand, probably felt he just shouldn't undermine Kakashi - like if Kakashi was silent it was because he meant to be. Damn hero worship.
She sighed. Lady Hisoka deserved to be told something or she'd just keep ratcheting herself up until she was a nervous wreck.
"There's nothing specific, but something doesn't seem quite right about this area. Both Kakashi and I felt it. Maybe the others did too." She shrugged one shoulder.
"Then why aren't we getting out of here as fast as we can?"
Sakura shot a quick glance at Kakashi, but seeing as he didn't seem inclined to speak she continued on as spokeswoman. "If there are enemies out there we want to know as soon as possible so we don't go stumbling into their camp or anything else just as ridiculous."
At this Naruto scratched at the back of his head and chuckled awkwardly. She preferred not to remember that incident.
"Anyhow, the sooner we can sense them, the safer we all are. And if we can tell if they're west, for instance, then we'll just circle around to the east and hopefully avoid them entirely. On our return trip, if they're still around, we'll take care of them then, but our first priority is just to get you home safe and sound."
Lady Hisoka processed this for a moment, then asked in a timid voice, "Are there ways for enemies to hide themselves from you?"
Kakashi spun to face her then, determination writ across his face as he answered her with a fervent, "No," that brooked no argument. Without another word he scooped her up and took to the trees at a blistering pace.
The others took a moment to register the sudden change but flew after him, catching up with a modicum of ease due to the fact that he was carrying someone and wouldn't want to burn himself out.
Once the others were near enough, he muttered, "Keep your eyes peeled."
They all nodded. They didn't have to be told; if there wasn't the possibility of a continuing threat, then they'd have gone back to plodding along at the same mind-numbing pace they'd been at for the last four days.
When Lady Hisoka craned her head around to look over Kakashi's shoulder and look back at them, though, her eyes widened for a whole new reason.
"Where's my luggage?!" she halfway screeched.
Sakura was glad Hisoka had remembered the gravity of the situation at the last and had toned down her voice, otherwise the decibel level would've left anyone nearby without any doubts as to their whereabouts.
"We had to leave it behind," Kakashi explained mildly.
Without letting him continue, she crossed her arms and retorted defiantly, "I paid for both myself and my belongings to reach my house. That luggage is like a part of me!"
"Is it worth more than your life?" Kakashi asked smoothly.
"E-excuse me?"
"Basic rule of combat: you're safer if you're on the move. If, however, we are attacked, it pays to actually be able to fight. Now, I'm already compromised by way of carrying you because I wouldn't be able to block instantly, so that leaves those four to cover us. If their hands were full as well they'd be in the same boat."
"It only takes a second to put things down," she grumbled.
"True," Kakashi allowed, "but one second on the battlefield can mean the difference between life and death. So I ask you again, which is more important: your luggage or your life?
The Lady just glared at him mutinously.
He nodded. "Just so. Now don't worry too much, though. Once you're home safe and sound we'll go back and retrieve it; we just can't take chances in taking it along. You're more important."
The mutinous glare softened slightly but it still simmered with withheld temper.
Now that he'd won his point, though, Kakashi felt free to cheerily extrapolate upon it. "Besides, even if they all were bringing your trunks along and had that extra second, all that would allow them to do would be to attempt to extricate their hands and weapons immediately. That would mean dropping your trunks and no matter how well crafted, I don't think I have to spell out for you what would happen to them and their contents from this high up."
Sakura was dying inside. Hearing the smile in his voice she could just imagine the satisfied look on his face. It seemed like this guy could talk down just about anyone.
"The absolute best you could hope for," Kakashi continued on blithely, "is that they could stash your trunks in a tree right before the fight began, leaving them right in the midst of a battlefield. All in all not the best place for unattended things you'd like to keep intact. I've lost count of how many packs I've gone through and these are made to be durable enough for combat."
He paused for a moment. "Hey, Sakura," he called over his shoulder.
"Yeah?"
"How many mission packs have you destroyed?"
"Nineteen."
"See?" he said, turning back to Lady Hisoka. "Nineteen, so all around not the safest place to stash- Wait," he said, changing tracks to call over his shoulder again, like they couldn't all hear him anyhow, but the illusion probably made their client a little more comfortable. "Did you say nineteen?"
"Yup."
"And you're, what, twenty-three?"
"Twenty-four," she reminded, pausing in her scanning just long enough to roll her eyes. It wasn't like he wasn't invited to every single birthday party for everyone one the team - even the ones they foisted upon Sai.
"Isn't that a trifle excessive?" he queried.
She shrugged, not caring if he couldn't see it, out in front as he was. "I can't help it if they tear up so easily. They need to make them more durable or redesign them to be easier to get out of. For all the extra protection they offer, I don't like them throwing off my balance during a fight, and sometimes you just don't have the pleasure of a spare moment to leisurely slip your hand out and make sure it doesn't get caught. Besides, it just makes me a bigger target and easier to grab onto."
"Hmm, I think I sense some pack-on training when we get home."
"What?"
"Aw, man! Look what you've done now, Sakura," Naruto groused.
"Hey, it's not my fault," she rebutted. "Kakashi's the one who brought it up." Which he'd only done because Hisoka wouldn't give up about her luggage, so technically it was her fault. She wasn't about to point that out and piss of the client even more.
Not that she was completely unsympathetic; a woman and her necessities were hard to part. The Lady couldn't know if their team would get back to her trunks before looters might happen upon them, and that would only add to her stress. Plus, in a situation that was out of your control, you wanted some familiarity and comfort, and while completely understandable, they were denying her that.
Still, when they were at home on the training ground, doing these ridiculous exercises, she'd be sure to point out to everyone just whose fault it had been and she would curse her name. Unless she could talk her oh-so-wise leader out of this absurd idea of pack-on training.
"C'mon, Kakashi, we all know how to fight with packs on. We've had to do it dozens of times."
Shaking his head, Kakashi replied, "You said your balance is better without your pack. that's only natural, but if we have the opportunity to improve something, shouldn't we do so?"
"Does that mean we should also train on complete chakra depletion, or without use of our arms? Never know when that might pop up." She swore she could actually feel him scowling at her.
"Thanks for the ideas; I'll keep them in mind for future training sessions."
She threw up her hands. The man really was impossible.
"One day it could be the hairsbreadth of a difference that makes your reaction time just a smidge better, just the tiniest bit faster, and saves the life of either you yourself or those you're working to protect. So we train."
Sakura had nothing to say to that so she kept her mouth shut and prepared herself for a nigh of Naruto griping at her. Thankfully Sai would either be occupied with Lady Hisoka or wouldn't care.
"Ne, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto piped in.
"Hm?"
"What about if we're attacked while bathing. Shouldn't we practice that?"
Sakura had to keep from smacking her head, and then had to fight her instinct to smack him instead and stay in formation.
Kakashi paused a long while, then finally said, "I think you can train for that one on your own, Naruto."
At the disappointed sound Naruto made, Sakura had to laugh. "You're just trying to see me naked again, Naruto. Give it up already! You'll see Kakashi's face first."
"Besides, when she's on missions she doesn't get completely undressed to clean up," Kakashi added.
Everyone gaped at him, but Yamato was the one to voice aloud their incredulous, "What? How would you know that, senpai?"
Kakashi shrugged. "I assume. She knows she has Jiraiya the second for a teammate and she's always been a little on the prudish side."
Sakura wasn't really quite sure how to take that statement.
Thankfully Naruto continued on his previous train of thought and took him along on the tangent with him. "Aw, well, you see I really was wondering about post-bath fighting. I mean, as in I've thought about it before. Would it make things worse or better? You'd be all wet and slippery, so it'd be harder for the other guys to get you, plus some of them might be weirded out by the whole thing, you know? But then again...you're the one standing there naked with sensitive bits flapping in the wind."
Sakura couldn't help it; she burst out laughing. Sometimes she was reminded how much she really loved Naruto. She didn't have the foggiest idea how his mind worked, really, but what came out was always entertaining to say the least.
"So for this pack-on training, does that make you the resident expert or the dunce, Sakura-chan?"
"What do you mean, Naruto?" she said, eyebrow twitching.
"Well, with you ditching your pack all the time, I was wondering if that meant you're gonna be better or worse at it than me, that's all."
She rolled her eyes. And they were back to the competition.
"One question though," he continued. "Isn't losing your pack kinda dangerous sometimes? I mean, what if you're the one carrying the scroll we went after, or one of us gets poisoned and we need the antidote immediately?"
"It's possible to pick the pack back up, you know. Once I take it off I don't have to leave it in the dirt forever."
He snorted. "I know that, but I'm talking about during a fight. If you had the scroll for instance, and you needed to get rid of your pack because of the balance thing, what would you do?"
She shrugged. "If I had the time I'd put the scroll down my shirt, then chuck the pack. Sometimes I do that anyhow, just because packs can get ripped off of you so easily."
Eyebrows scrunched together, Naruto tried to picture it. "But your shirt doesn't tuck into anything. How come it doesn't just fall out?"
"They're called boobs, Naruto. Best purse ever invented because you can't forget it at your friend's house." She wished she could see his face right then, because it would either be beet red or leery, and if the former she'd just love to laugh at the wonderful innocence he somehow managed to maintain despite their age, his past, and their vocation, and if the former...well she'd need to remember to whack him upside the head later. However she was running right toward a tree that split into two trunks, and she needed her eyes forward to make sure she didn't hit anything.
No one quite knew what to say to that, anyhow, so the group lapsed into silence. None of them ever picked up on anything, at least not that they voiced aloud, but she could tell by the tension in everyone's shoulders that they all felt how something was still just ever so slightly amiss.
Now if they could only figure out what it was.
Another ten minutes passed by and suddenly Kakashi was slamming his feet into the tree branch beneath his feet, furiously trying to keep his momentum from carrying he and Lady Hisoka forward.
"Wires!" he yelled, and then they were all mimicking his movements, trying with everything they could not to trip the trap laid out ahead of them.
The four of them were better off; not only were they further back than Kakashi, but they had the ability to cartwheel their arms to aid in their balance. Once they had established their equilibrium, both Yamato and Sakura ran forward to grab onto Kakashi's vest, pulling him backward.
They were too late, though. He and Lady Hisoka had just been an inch too close to the wires, so fine and delicate, they were all but invisible - only noticeable because of the sun reflecting across their surface every so often. They latticed the entire area in front of them, to both sides, as far as they could see. Whoever had laid this trap had laid it well.
As Kakashi fought to keep from being propelled forward by the natural motion he'd had, he'd squeezed Hisoka to his chest to keep from dropping her or pushing her into the trap. She, though, at the sudden and very disorienting switch in motion, automatically put her arms out as if to catch herself.
It was no fault of hers, it was a natural reaction. Any civilian would've acted the same and the only reason one of them wouldn't have was because they'd had it trained out of them.
Still, when they heard the tiny ring of metal, then heard Lady Hisoka breathe out a shaky, "Oh, no," they knew they were done for. They spun, each and every one of them, searching for the source of the trap, hoping they could spot and identify it before it attacked.
They were successful, but it didn't help. They heard the whooshing of senbon being launched from who knew how many pre-packed launchers in the trees. They blocked and ducked and evaded, but there were hundreds of them, coming in from every direction.
One just grazed Sakura's arm, barely glancing off the skin, and suddenly she lost all function of the limb. Poison, she thought darkly. She wondered how many? They couldn't all be poisoned, could they? Someone must want Lady Hisoka very badly to go to such lengths.
She turned, deflecting a few more off her kunai, but with one arm down and a rain of senbon falling, it was only time before she succumbed. Turning, she saw one pierce Sai through the ink tiger he'd created, and he went down, tumbling to the ground below. Three into Naruto, who was still fighting like he wasn't fazed in the last. Who knew, maybe he wasn't. The Jinchuuriki seemed to always react oddly to poisons and antidotes.
Looking down, she saw one was firmly embedded in her deadened arm. She hadn't even felt it go in. Plucking it out, she stuck it in the lining of her pack; she was sure they'd make it out of this and then she'd want to see just what kind of poison they were working with here. When she looked up, Yamato was already down, and Kakashi had six senbon protruding from his back from where he'd curled over Lady Hisoka, trying to protect her. There were two sticking out from her arm, however. Poor Kakashi.
Sakura's last thoughts as she drifted out of consciousness were of the person who'd prepared the poison and coated the senbon. She hoped they'd gotten the dosages right; with the way the senbon had been shooting out, and the fact that they weren't able to protect themselves anymore, she was sure that by the time they were all passed out they'd be absolutely riddled with the damn things. If they'd gotten their dosages wrong...
No matter what the place, she'd prefer to wake up a prisoner or hostage or whatever than to not wake up at all.
This also feels like a departure from stuff I typically write. Maybe that's just in my head, who knows, but there is, erm, interesting stuff ahead (Part II or III?) so we'll see how it goes. ^^
So here is Part I, dedicated to tiuni for sending me lovely notes and getting me back in the groove for writing KakaSaku funness.
Burn
The mission started out normally enough - which should have been her first sign that things would take a turn for the absurd.
Upon being handed their assignment in the hokage's office, Sai gazed about blankly, Kakashi studiously ignored everyone, and in lieu of their leader, Yamato politely accepted the mission on Team Kakashi's behalf.
Then Naruto opened his mouth. "What? An escort mission! Isn't that a little too easy for a bad-ass team like ours? Can't you pass this along to a genin team or something? I mean, geez. Our first mission was an escort and it turned out just fine in the end - we learned a whole lot from Zabuza and Haku!"
Tsunade glared. "You know full well that you were lucky to beat those two at all."
She raised a hand to forestall Naruto's denials and rebuttals. "I would never knowingly endanger such an underprepared team like that, as you well know, so stop complaining. You were only sent on that mission, which by all rights should've been a much higher rank, because the client underpaid. He only had the money for a D-rank, and since he didn't inform us of the other dangers, a D-rank it remained.
"The situation with this client is just the opposite; she's paying A-rank prices despite it only being a B- or C-rank mission. She is someone of import - and from a very wealthy and influential family - so a kidnapping or assassination is always a possibility, but she's not so high up the run for it to be very likely. She stays out of the public eye and doesn't have much pull in her very patriarchal family. Still, she's of marriageable age, which makes her a great asset."
She shrugged. "All in all, it's hard to say. The mission could go either way. It could be a no brainer or maybe she is willing to pay so much because there's more lurking beneath the surface than she's letting on about. However, she was very...persistent in her request for your team."
The way she said that let Sakura know just how annoyed Tsunade had been by the woman's demands. Still, being the hokage and having to put up with umpteen arguments a day, she knew that Tsunade had finally learned that some just weren't her time and aggravation.
Shaking her head, Tsunade continued. "She even delayed her departure by two and a half weeks to wait for your team to be available."
At this, Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Well, Naruto, it looks like you might have another fan."
Naruto, to Sakura's amusement, blushed furiously at this. Despite all his growth in recent years, he was still hopelessly oblivious when it came to girls. Male fans he thought were the coolest thing ever, whereas those of the fair sex - who usually had to be pointed out to him - got him tongue-tied and tripping all over himself.
Frankly, it was hilarious.
Sai finally piped in. "If it still makes you uncomfortable, dickless, just drop your pants in front of her. Once she see's what you have to offer she'll leave you alone."
The resulting row ended with the two of them being decisively kicked out of the hokage's office - Tsunade actually had the pleasure of using her feet herself, but she really couldn't be blamed. After all, they'd all heard the argument far too often before, ad nauseum, and they both knew better than to get into it in front of someone with both a short fuse and better things to do.
When she turned her glare on the three remaining members of Team Kakashi, they knew it was time to make their escape as well. With hastily said farewells, they were off to pack for their week-long adventure.
~ ~ ~
Lady Hisoka, as it turned out, was not a part of the Naruto fan-club. What she was, though, was getting on Sakura's last nerve.
Sakura was beginning to loathe this 'Lady'. Their client turned out to be a spoiled little princess who was only too used to bossing others around. She didn't want to step in mud - while they trekked through a forest in spring. She wouldn't wash her own dishes because that would sully her delicate hands - how water used for that purpose as opposed to water for cleaning herself Sakura had no idea. She insisted on carting a ridiculous amount of luggage with her, despite the fact that she herself only carried a small handbag - how were they supposed to protect her if their hands were full of trunks? And so on and so on.
Plus, for some reason she had decided that Sakura was going to be her go-to grunt. At first Sakura had thought they could be sisters-in-arms against the whole misogyny thing going on in her life, but apparently Ms. Client felt like playing along with it instead.
Only three things kept her from strangling the Lady in her sleep. One: not only would it be murder - even if an easily justifiable one - she rather would like to get paid. Tsunade wasn't likely to hand over any paychecks if she undermined the whole 'keep Lady Hisoka safe on the journey to her home' bit of the mission. Rats. Two: While it grated her that the Lady acted on it, she supposed that growing up in an environment that trained one to think of women as on a different level than men, it could be understandable to a tiny extent. It didn't excuse her in the least, especially since here was proof that she got out into the real world and away from the constrictions of her home, but nonetheless. Still, the main reason she kept her hands to herself was the third reason: she was flirting nonstop with Sai and it was one of the most amusing things Sakura had ever seen.
Sai, for all his comments to Naruto on how he should handle his affairs, didn't' know the first thing about flirting, despite all the books he read. Sakura wasn't even sure he realized Lady Hisoka was flirting, what with how she mostly just talked one-sidedly at him and displayed a sizable obsession with his abs. Actually the only times Lady Hisoka didn't ask Sakura to do something for her was because she passed the duty along to Sai so that she could watch him, if a bit greedily.
Naruto was stuck somewhere between embarrassment, jealousy, disappointment, and straight confusion about why someone was so enamoured of the emotionless wonder.
The trio was ridiculous but highly entertaining. Lady Hisoka would make one-too-many complementary comments to Sai, at which point Naruto would break, a crazy mixture of frazzled emotions making him lose any attempt at decorum. Naruto would yell, Sai would either ignore or retort with his enormous repertoire of penis jokes, and if they didn't leave off after a couple of minutes, Lady Hisoka would almost invariably step in to support the object of her adoration.
Sakura had never seen Naruto so nonplussed. It was amazing. If the woman wasn't so annoying she'd be tempted to become friends with her just for the reaction she got out of him.
Still, four days into a trek to just over the half-way marker, that would take them only a day on the return trip - and that should've only taken them three days except Ms. Princess walked at a snail's pace - amusement wasn't enough to outweigh her rancour.
Suddenly Sakura felt chills run up her spine, and spun in time to see Kakashi come to a complete halt. It was odd, really. She couldn’t see anything, couldn’t smell or hear anything, but something just felt…off. Every shinobi learned to hone their senses - they were what kept you alive, especially that odd sixth sense that never really made sense or had anything to pinpoint. She might’ve shrugged off the niggling feeling, however, if not for Kakashi’s reaction. Because for every time that that mystical sixth sense turned up something, there were about ten times that it was just plain old paranoia.
That was yet another thing that came part and parcel with the shinobi way of life.
Immediately everyone took up defensive positions around Lady Hisoka, though Naruto kept looking at the rest of them with a look of positive perplexity.
“Uh, anyone know why we stopped?” he asked.
No one answered; everyone was too preoccupied scanning the bit of forest in front of them to respond.
Sakura still couldn't sense anything. Now she just had to follow the tenuous thread connecting logic and intuition to figure out what was going on.
Was there anyone lurking about out there? If no, then they were fine. If yes...that could mean a host of different things. They could be either non-shinobi or nin who had no chakra, like Lee - though since the first was more likely that would be no problem. But could there be enemies out there who were blocking or suppressing their chakra in some manner, or disguising it in some other way?
If that was the case then these were no mere rogues out for the usual start-a-skirmish-with-anything-that-walks-by. Shinobi of this caliber and on opposite sides of the fence didn't just happen upon each other in the middle of the forest.
Then again, it could be nothing. That was the knife-edge balance of it, really, the fascinating combination of exhilaration and fear that heightened the senses to new levels, all to test if you're really as good as you think you are, as you need to be, or if you're just going bonkers.
After a tense moment of stifling silence, Lady Hisoka cautiously put a hand on Sai's shoulder. "What's going on?" she asked, miming Naruto's unanswered question from earlier.
Sai's monotone cut through the air with a casualness that belied his words. "We are taking stock of the surrounding area to see if there is any immediate threat. Please maintain your position."
It wasn't like the Lady could do anything else, considering the five of them had completely encircled her, but it certainly helped to have some direction of what to do in times of crisis, even if it wasn't much, just to have some sense of control in the midst of chaos. Sai's learning had progressed by leaps and bounds. That had actually been almost nice.
"Okay," she continued, "but why did we stop in the first place?"
Sakura waited for Kakashi or even Yamato to answer and sighed when neither was forthcoming. She didn't know if Kakashi just didn't want to be distracted or bothered, preferred to keep up the mystique, or just didn't want to admit that their reactions had no hard evidence to support it. Yamato, on the other hand, probably felt he just shouldn't undermine Kakashi - like if Kakashi was silent it was because he meant to be. Damn hero worship.
She sighed. Lady Hisoka deserved to be told something or she'd just keep ratcheting herself up until she was a nervous wreck.
"There's nothing specific, but something doesn't seem quite right about this area. Both Kakashi and I felt it. Maybe the others did too." She shrugged one shoulder.
"Then why aren't we getting out of here as fast as we can?"
Sakura shot a quick glance at Kakashi, but seeing as he didn't seem inclined to speak she continued on as spokeswoman. "If there are enemies out there we want to know as soon as possible so we don't go stumbling into their camp or anything else just as ridiculous."
At this Naruto scratched at the back of his head and chuckled awkwardly. She preferred not to remember that incident.
"Anyhow, the sooner we can sense them, the safer we all are. And if we can tell if they're west, for instance, then we'll just circle around to the east and hopefully avoid them entirely. On our return trip, if they're still around, we'll take care of them then, but our first priority is just to get you home safe and sound."
Lady Hisoka processed this for a moment, then asked in a timid voice, "Are there ways for enemies to hide themselves from you?"
Kakashi spun to face her then, determination writ across his face as he answered her with a fervent, "No," that brooked no argument. Without another word he scooped her up and took to the trees at a blistering pace.
The others took a moment to register the sudden change but flew after him, catching up with a modicum of ease due to the fact that he was carrying someone and wouldn't want to burn himself out.
Once the others were near enough, he muttered, "Keep your eyes peeled."
They all nodded. They didn't have to be told; if there wasn't the possibility of a continuing threat, then they'd have gone back to plodding along at the same mind-numbing pace they'd been at for the last four days.
When Lady Hisoka craned her head around to look over Kakashi's shoulder and look back at them, though, her eyes widened for a whole new reason.
"Where's my luggage?!" she halfway screeched.
Sakura was glad Hisoka had remembered the gravity of the situation at the last and had toned down her voice, otherwise the decibel level would've left anyone nearby without any doubts as to their whereabouts.
"We had to leave it behind," Kakashi explained mildly.
Without letting him continue, she crossed her arms and retorted defiantly, "I paid for both myself and my belongings to reach my house. That luggage is like a part of me!"
"Is it worth more than your life?" Kakashi asked smoothly.
"E-excuse me?"
"Basic rule of combat: you're safer if you're on the move. If, however, we are attacked, it pays to actually be able to fight. Now, I'm already compromised by way of carrying you because I wouldn't be able to block instantly, so that leaves those four to cover us. If their hands were full as well they'd be in the same boat."
"It only takes a second to put things down," she grumbled.
"True," Kakashi allowed, "but one second on the battlefield can mean the difference between life and death. So I ask you again, which is more important: your luggage or your life?
The Lady just glared at him mutinously.
He nodded. "Just so. Now don't worry too much, though. Once you're home safe and sound we'll go back and retrieve it; we just can't take chances in taking it along. You're more important."
The mutinous glare softened slightly but it still simmered with withheld temper.
Now that he'd won his point, though, Kakashi felt free to cheerily extrapolate upon it. "Besides, even if they all were bringing your trunks along and had that extra second, all that would allow them to do would be to attempt to extricate their hands and weapons immediately. That would mean dropping your trunks and no matter how well crafted, I don't think I have to spell out for you what would happen to them and their contents from this high up."
Sakura was dying inside. Hearing the smile in his voice she could just imagine the satisfied look on his face. It seemed like this guy could talk down just about anyone.
"The absolute best you could hope for," Kakashi continued on blithely, "is that they could stash your trunks in a tree right before the fight began, leaving them right in the midst of a battlefield. All in all not the best place for unattended things you'd like to keep intact. I've lost count of how many packs I've gone through and these are made to be durable enough for combat."
He paused for a moment. "Hey, Sakura," he called over his shoulder.
"Yeah?"
"How many mission packs have you destroyed?"
"Nineteen."
"See?" he said, turning back to Lady Hisoka. "Nineteen, so all around not the safest place to stash- Wait," he said, changing tracks to call over his shoulder again, like they couldn't all hear him anyhow, but the illusion probably made their client a little more comfortable. "Did you say nineteen?"
"Yup."
"And you're, what, twenty-three?"
"Twenty-four," she reminded, pausing in her scanning just long enough to roll her eyes. It wasn't like he wasn't invited to every single birthday party for everyone one the team - even the ones they foisted upon Sai.
"Isn't that a trifle excessive?" he queried.
She shrugged, not caring if he couldn't see it, out in front as he was. "I can't help it if they tear up so easily. They need to make them more durable or redesign them to be easier to get out of. For all the extra protection they offer, I don't like them throwing off my balance during a fight, and sometimes you just don't have the pleasure of a spare moment to leisurely slip your hand out and make sure it doesn't get caught. Besides, it just makes me a bigger target and easier to grab onto."
"Hmm, I think I sense some pack-on training when we get home."
"What?"
"Aw, man! Look what you've done now, Sakura," Naruto groused.
"Hey, it's not my fault," she rebutted. "Kakashi's the one who brought it up." Which he'd only done because Hisoka wouldn't give up about her luggage, so technically it was her fault. She wasn't about to point that out and piss of the client even more.
Not that she was completely unsympathetic; a woman and her necessities were hard to part. The Lady couldn't know if their team would get back to her trunks before looters might happen upon them, and that would only add to her stress. Plus, in a situation that was out of your control, you wanted some familiarity and comfort, and while completely understandable, they were denying her that.
Still, when they were at home on the training ground, doing these ridiculous exercises, she'd be sure to point out to everyone just whose fault it had been and she would curse her name. Unless she could talk her oh-so-wise leader out of this absurd idea of pack-on training.
"C'mon, Kakashi, we all know how to fight with packs on. We've had to do it dozens of times."
Shaking his head, Kakashi replied, "You said your balance is better without your pack. that's only natural, but if we have the opportunity to improve something, shouldn't we do so?"
"Does that mean we should also train on complete chakra depletion, or without use of our arms? Never know when that might pop up." She swore she could actually feel him scowling at her.
"Thanks for the ideas; I'll keep them in mind for future training sessions."
She threw up her hands. The man really was impossible.
"One day it could be the hairsbreadth of a difference that makes your reaction time just a smidge better, just the tiniest bit faster, and saves the life of either you yourself or those you're working to protect. So we train."
Sakura had nothing to say to that so she kept her mouth shut and prepared herself for a nigh of Naruto griping at her. Thankfully Sai would either be occupied with Lady Hisoka or wouldn't care.
"Ne, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto piped in.
"Hm?"
"What about if we're attacked while bathing. Shouldn't we practice that?"
Sakura had to keep from smacking her head, and then had to fight her instinct to smack him instead and stay in formation.
Kakashi paused a long while, then finally said, "I think you can train for that one on your own, Naruto."
At the disappointed sound Naruto made, Sakura had to laugh. "You're just trying to see me naked again, Naruto. Give it up already! You'll see Kakashi's face first."
"Besides, when she's on missions she doesn't get completely undressed to clean up," Kakashi added.
Everyone gaped at him, but Yamato was the one to voice aloud their incredulous, "What? How would you know that, senpai?"
Kakashi shrugged. "I assume. She knows she has Jiraiya the second for a teammate and she's always been a little on the prudish side."
Sakura wasn't really quite sure how to take that statement.
Thankfully Naruto continued on his previous train of thought and took him along on the tangent with him. "Aw, well, you see I really was wondering about post-bath fighting. I mean, as in I've thought about it before. Would it make things worse or better? You'd be all wet and slippery, so it'd be harder for the other guys to get you, plus some of them might be weirded out by the whole thing, you know? But then again...you're the one standing there naked with sensitive bits flapping in the wind."
Sakura couldn't help it; she burst out laughing. Sometimes she was reminded how much she really loved Naruto. She didn't have the foggiest idea how his mind worked, really, but what came out was always entertaining to say the least.
"So for this pack-on training, does that make you the resident expert or the dunce, Sakura-chan?"
"What do you mean, Naruto?" she said, eyebrow twitching.
"Well, with you ditching your pack all the time, I was wondering if that meant you're gonna be better or worse at it than me, that's all."
She rolled her eyes. And they were back to the competition.
"One question though," he continued. "Isn't losing your pack kinda dangerous sometimes? I mean, what if you're the one carrying the scroll we went after, or one of us gets poisoned and we need the antidote immediately?"
"It's possible to pick the pack back up, you know. Once I take it off I don't have to leave it in the dirt forever."
He snorted. "I know that, but I'm talking about during a fight. If you had the scroll for instance, and you needed to get rid of your pack because of the balance thing, what would you do?"
She shrugged. "If I had the time I'd put the scroll down my shirt, then chuck the pack. Sometimes I do that anyhow, just because packs can get ripped off of you so easily."
Eyebrows scrunched together, Naruto tried to picture it. "But your shirt doesn't tuck into anything. How come it doesn't just fall out?"
"They're called boobs, Naruto. Best purse ever invented because you can't forget it at your friend's house." She wished she could see his face right then, because it would either be beet red or leery, and if the former she'd just love to laugh at the wonderful innocence he somehow managed to maintain despite their age, his past, and their vocation, and if the former...well she'd need to remember to whack him upside the head later. However she was running right toward a tree that split into two trunks, and she needed her eyes forward to make sure she didn't hit anything.
No one quite knew what to say to that, anyhow, so the group lapsed into silence. None of them ever picked up on anything, at least not that they voiced aloud, but she could tell by the tension in everyone's shoulders that they all felt how something was still just ever so slightly amiss.
Now if they could only figure out what it was.
Another ten minutes passed by and suddenly Kakashi was slamming his feet into the tree branch beneath his feet, furiously trying to keep his momentum from carrying he and Lady Hisoka forward.
"Wires!" he yelled, and then they were all mimicking his movements, trying with everything they could not to trip the trap laid out ahead of them.
The four of them were better off; not only were they further back than Kakashi, but they had the ability to cartwheel their arms to aid in their balance. Once they had established their equilibrium, both Yamato and Sakura ran forward to grab onto Kakashi's vest, pulling him backward.
They were too late, though. He and Lady Hisoka had just been an inch too close to the wires, so fine and delicate, they were all but invisible - only noticeable because of the sun reflecting across their surface every so often. They latticed the entire area in front of them, to both sides, as far as they could see. Whoever had laid this trap had laid it well.
As Kakashi fought to keep from being propelled forward by the natural motion he'd had, he'd squeezed Hisoka to his chest to keep from dropping her or pushing her into the trap. She, though, at the sudden and very disorienting switch in motion, automatically put her arms out as if to catch herself.
It was no fault of hers, it was a natural reaction. Any civilian would've acted the same and the only reason one of them wouldn't have was because they'd had it trained out of them.
Still, when they heard the tiny ring of metal, then heard Lady Hisoka breathe out a shaky, "Oh, no," they knew they were done for. They spun, each and every one of them, searching for the source of the trap, hoping they could spot and identify it before it attacked.
They were successful, but it didn't help. They heard the whooshing of senbon being launched from who knew how many pre-packed launchers in the trees. They blocked and ducked and evaded, but there were hundreds of them, coming in from every direction.
One just grazed Sakura's arm, barely glancing off the skin, and suddenly she lost all function of the limb. Poison, she thought darkly. She wondered how many? They couldn't all be poisoned, could they? Someone must want Lady Hisoka very badly to go to such lengths.
She turned, deflecting a few more off her kunai, but with one arm down and a rain of senbon falling, it was only time before she succumbed. Turning, she saw one pierce Sai through the ink tiger he'd created, and he went down, tumbling to the ground below. Three into Naruto, who was still fighting like he wasn't fazed in the last. Who knew, maybe he wasn't. The Jinchuuriki seemed to always react oddly to poisons and antidotes.
Looking down, she saw one was firmly embedded in her deadened arm. She hadn't even felt it go in. Plucking it out, she stuck it in the lining of her pack; she was sure they'd make it out of this and then she'd want to see just what kind of poison they were working with here. When she looked up, Yamato was already down, and Kakashi had six senbon protruding from his back from where he'd curled over Lady Hisoka, trying to protect her. There were two sticking out from her arm, however. Poor Kakashi.
Sakura's last thoughts as she drifted out of consciousness were of the person who'd prepared the poison and coated the senbon. She hoped they'd gotten the dosages right; with the way the senbon had been shooting out, and the fact that they weren't able to protect themselves anymore, she was sure that by the time they were all passed out they'd be absolutely riddled with the damn things. If they'd gotten their dosages wrong...
No matter what the place, she'd prefer to wake up a prisoner or hostage or whatever than to not wake up at all.