Funeral Ramblings
Went to another funeral, and those always make me introspective - and feel horribly selfish for how they inevitably but I guess somewhat naturally bend my thoughts to my own mortality, the purpose of my own life.
The friend the funeral was for was an awesome guy. He lived for fun, but not in a hedonistic way; he just wanted to make life enjoyable for everyone around him. He was caring, selfless, giving, and often went far out of his way to help others or make things go smoothly. He wasn't an attention seeker but he naturally drew the eye anyhow, just in the energy he emitted, and the service was overflowing with people whose lives he'd touched.
I feel honored to have known him and hurt for the family he's left behind.
It's got me thinking again, though, on that whole cliche of the meaning of life. What is it really? Is it enough to just be a decent person or does that only amount to something when you've truly touched someone else in a meaningful way?
I know you'll likely laugh at my comparison here, but it makes me think of stories like Mulan and Kung Fu Panda. Even if you don't know the movies, they're just the typical stories of the underdog becoming the hero and saving the day because they were true to themselves. All along all they needed to be heroic was just who they were born to be. But, at the same time, had that huge heroic event not happened in the end would they have gotten any credit? Would they still be looked down upon and mocked simply because they hadn't managed some enormous feat during their lives? They're still the same people, still have the same values and mores and desires and goals and hopes and dreams...is it only what we DO in life, what we accomplish that counts?
I know my funeral won't be packed. Oh, that's no 'i'm so lame' kind of statement, and I'm not sure I see anything wrong with it. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is the old axiom 'If you want to know the worth of a man just count his friends' type stuff, because if that's true then I rather suck. I've purposefully pulled back from people recently, partly just because I'm grouchy so often I don't want to subject people to that, and partly because I generally lack the energy needed to regularly maintain multiple relationships. I have a couple friends that I value greatly but that's about it.
Still though, would that then mean at the end of my life that I've failed to live up to expectations? If I died this week would my life seem meaningless in comparison to so many others? Does the measuring stick only take into account how many others we've impacted? (And yes, while I'm Christian, I'm not talking about heaven or anything after-lifey.) I've always kinda believed that it was important to just be yourself, that was all that really mattered, but if you have no real impact on anything then what is that worth? If you don't make some contribution to the world, whether big or small, then what is the point? After all, there is the whole cliche again about all talk and no action.
I don't know which I believe anymore but I have to admit the latter idea kinda scares me, because I don't think I've done anything really meaningful or worthwhile in my life. I mean, I've certainly lived out many interesting things and through many crazy experiences, helped out some friends in rather random and small ways, but I don't know that I've done anything that actually has any lasting impact on anyone. Is that alright or am I a failure hiding behind my apathy, cowardice, and fear? After all, if all you have to do is have good intentions and sit behind your computer the rest of the time then there's nothing really risky there at all is there. Very safe way to live, though maybe not the most fulfilling. Though maybe in the end it is and that's okay. I really just have no clue right now and that makes me somewhat uncomfortable just in and of itself.
See? I said rambling.... ^_-
The friend the funeral was for was an awesome guy. He lived for fun, but not in a hedonistic way; he just wanted to make life enjoyable for everyone around him. He was caring, selfless, giving, and often went far out of his way to help others or make things go smoothly. He wasn't an attention seeker but he naturally drew the eye anyhow, just in the energy he emitted, and the service was overflowing with people whose lives he'd touched.
I feel honored to have known him and hurt for the family he's left behind.
It's got me thinking again, though, on that whole cliche of the meaning of life. What is it really? Is it enough to just be a decent person or does that only amount to something when you've truly touched someone else in a meaningful way?
I know you'll likely laugh at my comparison here, but it makes me think of stories like Mulan and Kung Fu Panda. Even if you don't know the movies, they're just the typical stories of the underdog becoming the hero and saving the day because they were true to themselves. All along all they needed to be heroic was just who they were born to be. But, at the same time, had that huge heroic event not happened in the end would they have gotten any credit? Would they still be looked down upon and mocked simply because they hadn't managed some enormous feat during their lives? They're still the same people, still have the same values and mores and desires and goals and hopes and dreams...is it only what we DO in life, what we accomplish that counts?
I know my funeral won't be packed. Oh, that's no 'i'm so lame' kind of statement, and I'm not sure I see anything wrong with it. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is the old axiom 'If you want to know the worth of a man just count his friends' type stuff, because if that's true then I rather suck. I've purposefully pulled back from people recently, partly just because I'm grouchy so often I don't want to subject people to that, and partly because I generally lack the energy needed to regularly maintain multiple relationships. I have a couple friends that I value greatly but that's about it.
Still though, would that then mean at the end of my life that I've failed to live up to expectations? If I died this week would my life seem meaningless in comparison to so many others? Does the measuring stick only take into account how many others we've impacted? (And yes, while I'm Christian, I'm not talking about heaven or anything after-lifey.) I've always kinda believed that it was important to just be yourself, that was all that really mattered, but if you have no real impact on anything then what is that worth? If you don't make some contribution to the world, whether big or small, then what is the point? After all, there is the whole cliche again about all talk and no action.
I don't know which I believe anymore but I have to admit the latter idea kinda scares me, because I don't think I've done anything really meaningful or worthwhile in my life. I mean, I've certainly lived out many interesting things and through many crazy experiences, helped out some friends in rather random and small ways, but I don't know that I've done anything that actually has any lasting impact on anyone. Is that alright or am I a failure hiding behind my apathy, cowardice, and fear? After all, if all you have to do is have good intentions and sit behind your computer the rest of the time then there's nothing really risky there at all is there. Very safe way to live, though maybe not the most fulfilling. Though maybe in the end it is and that's okay. I really just have no clue right now and that makes me somewhat uncomfortable just in and of itself.
See? I said rambling.... ^_-